This weekend was the Downs' Family Reunion. We all met at Oma & Opa's house in Evansville, IN for a weekend of food, fun and more food. We all had a really great time despite the boys having slight colds. Sam was very cranky, but still had fun.
We arrived Friday evening and enjoyed pizza and lasagna, Debi's peanut butter cake and Aunt Linda's lemon cookies with Oma & Opa, Chris's parents Jon & Debi, Uncle Jerry & Aunt Linda, cousin Jeremy & Katie & Claire, Uncle Nelson & Aunt Bonnie, cousin Brian & his girlfriend Courtney. The boys enjoyed meeting their second cousin Claire who is 4. Highlights included Sam playing with Brian's feet, everyone enthralled watching "Up" (many for the first time), Wil and Claire putting a puzzle together and CVS truck PEZ dispensers for the kids. Finally it was off to the hotel to sleep.
Saturday started early after a miserable night sleeping. Lesson: the boys both move too much in their sleep to share a bed. Also, sound carries a lot and people were down in the pool area talking all night. We enjoyed our free buffet breakfast at the hotel before once again heading to Oma & Opa's house. Cousin Valerie & her boyfriend R.C. had arrived early in the morning and my parents were expected around lunch time.
We brought our badminton set so Valerie, Aunt Bonnie and I introduced Courtney to the game with a friendly volley.... when we could keep the birdie going! It was hot so that didn't last too long before we all tired. Lunch was a picnic of ham and turkey sandwiches, chips, and some cold pizza. My parents brought their bocci set, which was a very popular game with almost everyone there playing at least one round. (Badminton did get played more later as it clouded up a bit.) Oma & Opa's dear friend and 'adopted' daughter Ahn & her fiance also came over for the afternoon and evening.
As the afternoon became sweltering, most of us went to the hotel to swim in the indoor pool for an hour or so, while the others relaxed as well. The pool was very fun and made an impression on Sam. He was talking about swimming in the hotel pool on the way home. Claire followed Chris around in the water quite a bit, which he enjoyed. R.C. almost fell in a very comic AFV fashion on the slippery deck while hopping over a channel. Wil and Sam blew some bubbles in the 'big' pool, but the boys spent much of their time in the 9" deep kiddie pool with Grandma Barb.
After swimming, we all went back to Oma & Opa's for a cookout. We had brats, burgers, hot dogs, Oma's potato salad, Uncle Nelson's baked beans, fruit salad, spinach & strawberry salad, Caponi Macaroni, Uncle Nelson's cheesecakes (raspberry and toasted almond), and mis-named 'Better Than Sex' cake (hey - it's not even chocolate!)
Unfortunately, Opa pulled a muscle in his back while helping to take Uncle Nelson's canopy tent down and Sam ran into things and bumped his head several times throughout the day, but we were othewise injury-free. The kids asked to watch "Cars"but the boys were getting cranky and losing interest part way through, so Grandma Barb & Grandpa Tom, who were also tired, took them back to the hotel to go to sleep while everyone else watched the movie. Saturday night was much better since Grandma Debi requested a crib for Sam. With the boys in their own beds, they slept through the night.
Sunday morning was again an early one (darn time change!) We had a light breakfast at the hotel's free buffet again before heading back to Oma & Opa's where brunch would be served ay 11. As we were leaving the hotel, Debi mentioned that she loved the hotel's shampoo and asked if we had used ours or if she could have it. Since she raved about it, we asked Jeremy, Brian and Courtney, who we ran into as we were loading the car and checking out, to bring her a bottle if they had one they didn't need. I thought it would be a fun thing to have everyone offer her one, plus it was a nice thank you for all her hard work putting this together.
While waiting for everyone to arrive back at Oma & Opa's house, Chris & I asked Opa to tell some family stories while we, and by we I mean Chris, video taped it. Jon, who is experienced at this sort of interview from his work with Ray Bradbury, stepped in to ask questions and elicited a lot of really great information. Oma joined in at the end with a few of her own stories, as well. We learned a lot of family history, especially since Jon knew what questions to ask. We'd really love to capture more. (There were plenty of family stories told by everyone all weekend. Too bad we couldn't capture all of them.)
Brunch, since I've shared all the other meals, included ham & cheese biscuits, bacon, potato breakfast casserole, and sticky buns. After eating one last meal with the family, it was time to divvy up the leftovers and head home.
We had a wonderful time and only regret that more of the family wasn't able to come and that there wasn't more time to spend with everyone. We missed cousin Julie & Ashley, cousin John Spencer, Uncle Wes, cousin Alex and cousin Caroline. Julie is performing as a backup singer on Brooks & Dunn's farewell tour - check it out if they come to a city near you - and had shows all weekend. I really enjoyed finally meeting Jeremy, Katie and Claire. And, with family spread all over the States (all on the same continent for once!), we don't get to see the Ohio or Florida Downs nearly as often as we'd like.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
On the importance of babysitters
Yesterday, my friend Anne and I were talking about the importance of having time away from our kids. This is a conversation that comes up from time to time amongst moms. There are some who seem to think wanting to be away from your kids is a terrible thing and means you aren't dedicated to being a parent. But I, and almost every parent I know, disagrees. And here are a few of the reasons why.
As a parent, my job is to foster self-reliance and eventual independence in my children. These are lessons they need to learn or they will never be able to go out on their own. If they have no idea how to survive in the world without me there, how will they be able to attend college? And get a job? And maybe get married, have their own kids?
Big life skill lessons are something that are good to start early. As toddlers and preschoolers, a few hours without mom and dad starts teaching them that they are independent beings and they are capable of playing and doing other things without me. Oh what a help that is at home! Once they begin to learn that lesson, they can play by themselves for a bit while I cook dinner or clean house. And I don't have multiple interruptions! If you just wait until they go to school, it will be much harder. The whole point is to establish 'normal' as 'mom and dad can go to a movie and they will still come home.'
It is also very important for mom to get away and develop her own interests. This isn't mean or selfish. To really truly teach your children to find their passions, you need to show them that you have some. Seeing mom and dad as people may not sink in when they are young, but they will be learning that lesson despite themselves. They will see what you are passionate about and maybe be interested in the same thing. Or not, but at least they see that having a hobby, something that interests you, is a good thing.
And here's a biggie: parents need to go out on dates, have time to develop their relationship as spouses. Yes, the kids go to bed and we have a couple of hours before we join the land of slumber. But that isn't the same. We're still parents, catching up on housework or just decompressing while the little ones fall asleep. A frightening number of marriages end in divorce after the kids leave the house because the parents realize they don't really know each other any more, they have nothing in common except the kids. Why does this happen? I think it's because they forget that the most important relationship they have is with each other. Yes, I am a mom. But the caretaking phase of that will only last another dozen or so years and in 16 more they will leave the nest. But I am and will still be a wife. And that's a good thing. That's what I signed on for 7 years ago.
In college, I did an experiment in a biology class that kind of relates. I had two plants. One had its basic needs met (sunlight, water). The other plant was pampered with extra nutrients, etc. Plant 1 did ok while plant 2 thrived under all that extra care..... until the experiment was over and they both got basic care. Plant 1 showed its mettle then. It had learned to help itself. While it wasn't as big as the other, it was slow and steady and reliable. Plant 2 withered under the lack of pampering. It hadn't developed the systems needed to take care of itself and support all the extra growth on its own.
While the analogy isn't perfect, think of all the young adults you know who have had everything handed to them, with mom and dad always coming to the rescue. Then they go to college and can't cope. They still need mom and dad to call the professor and explain why they didn't finish their homework. Or they fail because mom and dad finally cut those apron strings and don't help. Then think of all the other young adults who learned self-reliance. Those are the leaders who get stuff done and thrive on their own. They have the groundwork to support themselves.
So, here's the bottom line: take time out from your kids. It is healthier for you, for them, and for your marriage. It's ok to send them to preschool so you have a few hours on your own. It's wonderful for them to spend a weekend at grandma and grandpa's house (and what a way to develop that relationship!). Find a babysitter or a neighbor or a friend or join a babysitting co-op and have a mom's night out and a date night. Those are important and don't mean you don't love your kids. They mean you do love them and are doing your best for them.
As a parent, my job is to foster self-reliance and eventual independence in my children. These are lessons they need to learn or they will never be able to go out on their own. If they have no idea how to survive in the world without me there, how will they be able to attend college? And get a job? And maybe get married, have their own kids?
Big life skill lessons are something that are good to start early. As toddlers and preschoolers, a few hours without mom and dad starts teaching them that they are independent beings and they are capable of playing and doing other things without me. Oh what a help that is at home! Once they begin to learn that lesson, they can play by themselves for a bit while I cook dinner or clean house. And I don't have multiple interruptions! If you just wait until they go to school, it will be much harder. The whole point is to establish 'normal' as 'mom and dad can go to a movie and they will still come home.'
It is also very important for mom to get away and develop her own interests. This isn't mean or selfish. To really truly teach your children to find their passions, you need to show them that you have some. Seeing mom and dad as people may not sink in when they are young, but they will be learning that lesson despite themselves. They will see what you are passionate about and maybe be interested in the same thing. Or not, but at least they see that having a hobby, something that interests you, is a good thing.
And here's a biggie: parents need to go out on dates, have time to develop their relationship as spouses. Yes, the kids go to bed and we have a couple of hours before we join the land of slumber. But that isn't the same. We're still parents, catching up on housework or just decompressing while the little ones fall asleep. A frightening number of marriages end in divorce after the kids leave the house because the parents realize they don't really know each other any more, they have nothing in common except the kids. Why does this happen? I think it's because they forget that the most important relationship they have is with each other. Yes, I am a mom. But the caretaking phase of that will only last another dozen or so years and in 16 more they will leave the nest. But I am and will still be a wife. And that's a good thing. That's what I signed on for 7 years ago.
In college, I did an experiment in a biology class that kind of relates. I had two plants. One had its basic needs met (sunlight, water). The other plant was pampered with extra nutrients, etc. Plant 1 did ok while plant 2 thrived under all that extra care..... until the experiment was over and they both got basic care. Plant 1 showed its mettle then. It had learned to help itself. While it wasn't as big as the other, it was slow and steady and reliable. Plant 2 withered under the lack of pampering. It hadn't developed the systems needed to take care of itself and support all the extra growth on its own.
While the analogy isn't perfect, think of all the young adults you know who have had everything handed to them, with mom and dad always coming to the rescue. Then they go to college and can't cope. They still need mom and dad to call the professor and explain why they didn't finish their homework. Or they fail because mom and dad finally cut those apron strings and don't help. Then think of all the other young adults who learned self-reliance. Those are the leaders who get stuff done and thrive on their own. They have the groundwork to support themselves.
So, here's the bottom line: take time out from your kids. It is healthier for you, for them, and for your marriage. It's ok to send them to preschool so you have a few hours on your own. It's wonderful for them to spend a weekend at grandma and grandpa's house (and what a way to develop that relationship!). Find a babysitter or a neighbor or a friend or join a babysitting co-op and have a mom's night out and a date night. Those are important and don't mean you don't love your kids. They mean you do love them and are doing your best for them.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Garden pictures
I took some pictures of the vegetables and herbs we are growing.
Here is the box Chris made last year. This year it has parsley, rosemary, basil, thyme, cucumbers, oregano and beans (seeds, on the end):
Next is a pot of spinach plants:
My tomatoes (roma and grape):
Fennel that re-seeds itself every year:
Chives that we've grown by the front steps for several years:
Thyme that we've been encouraging as a ground cover near the front steps:
And..... our first apples on the tree we planted last year! There are only 2, but I didn't expect to get any this soon.
I'm really encouraged by the apples. I hope the plants I planted today do well and we get a nice harvest.
Here is the box Chris made last year. This year it has parsley, rosemary, basil, thyme, cucumbers, oregano and beans (seeds, on the end):
Next is a pot of spinach plants:
My tomatoes (roma and grape):
Fennel that re-seeds itself every year:
Chives that we've grown by the front steps for several years:
Thyme that we've been encouraging as a ground cover near the front steps:
And..... our first apples on the tree we planted last year! There are only 2, but I didn't expect to get any this soon.
I'm really encouraged by the apples. I hope the plants I planted today do well and we get a nice harvest.
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