We are a one-car family. Will we ever get a 2nd car? We plan to, eventually. Is it easy? It takes some work and compromise. Is it hard? In a town with decent bus service, not terrible.
We made the decision before we had kids to downsize to one car. At the time, it made a lot of sense. We were both working at the university so we could carpool. The bus to campus went past our neighborhood, making it easy for us to use public transportation. The walk home wasn't that bad and was good exercise. Paying for insurance and registration on a 2nd car just wasn't cost effective.
That was 7 or 8 years ago. These days, with me at home with the kids and Chris going to work every day, it takes some planning. We have to compromise. Sometimes the boys and I are limited to places within walking or busing distance. Sometimes we trade the car partway through the day. Sometimes Chris has to plan his schedule around when he has the car.
Want to know what is within walking or busing distance? Quite a lot. We have walked to the park, the mall, the book store, campus. We have taken the bus downtown, to the library, to campus, to a friend's house. Yes, there are places we can't get to easily, but it's amazing how far we can go if we're willing to plan. (Summer is harder with the reduced bus schedule. Once an hour limits us quite a bit.)
We do plan to eventually get a 2nd car. It will make it easier with the boys being in school and having after school activities. As they get older, it is likely we'll be ferrying them around more. But for now, Chris and I usually know where the other is and we get to see each other more often than we normally would. The times during the week when we trade the car are an extra bonus time for us. And for the boys to see Daddy. We aren't just two cars passing as we come and go.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Happy I love you more day
Today is Valentine's Day. Chris and I don't make a big deal out of this day. Really, if we want a day to celebrate our relationship, we'll pick our anniversary. It's much more meaningful.
Having one day to celebrate love sounds like a good idea, but what about the other 364 days (365 this year)? And shouldn't the day we celebrate love have a reason?
Maybe I'm jaded. Ok, I am, a little.
Do you remember in high school when the boosters club sold carnations that were delivered in class? So everyone could see just how loved (read: popular) someone was? And how the same few girls got flowers in every class, while the rest of us looked on in envy?
Yeah, I didn't get any carnations. Even though anyone could send a carnation to anyone else, it was usually the boys sending them to their girlfriends and a few popular girls sending them to each other.
In high school, it was humiliating. No Valentine to send me flowers. Sigh.
Once out of high school, I noticed the same pattern unfolding: Valentine's Day has become a competition to see who loves whom the most. The sincere lovers tend to be quiet.
Go watch a few commercials pushing Valentine's Day gifts: buy her jewelry because you need to spend a fortune to prove your love and flowers aren't good enough! or you must buy roses to be delivered at work so all her coworkers can be jealous! or come have a romantic dinner with special foods, including all these aphrodisiacs because you must have the best sex of your life tonight!
What is with all this pressure? The day to day little things mean so much more than any grand gesture. At least to me. Love doesn't come in a box, even when the box if full of chocolates.
So if Valentine's Day makes you happy, have a wonderful day filled with heart-shaped presents. But remember that there are loads of us out here (and not just singles) who just don't care all that much. If someone doesn't have a date or big plans, if flowers don't get delivered, it's ok.
The best Valentine? Loving yourself.
Having one day to celebrate love sounds like a good idea, but what about the other 364 days (365 this year)? And shouldn't the day we celebrate love have a reason?
Maybe I'm jaded. Ok, I am, a little.
Do you remember in high school when the boosters club sold carnations that were delivered in class? So everyone could see just how loved (read: popular) someone was? And how the same few girls got flowers in every class, while the rest of us looked on in envy?
Yeah, I didn't get any carnations. Even though anyone could send a carnation to anyone else, it was usually the boys sending them to their girlfriends and a few popular girls sending them to each other.
In high school, it was humiliating. No Valentine to send me flowers. Sigh.
Once out of high school, I noticed the same pattern unfolding: Valentine's Day has become a competition to see who loves whom the most. The sincere lovers tend to be quiet.
Go watch a few commercials pushing Valentine's Day gifts: buy her jewelry because you need to spend a fortune to prove your love and flowers aren't good enough! or you must buy roses to be delivered at work so all her coworkers can be jealous! or come have a romantic dinner with special foods, including all these aphrodisiacs because you must have the best sex of your life tonight!
What is with all this pressure? The day to day little things mean so much more than any grand gesture. At least to me. Love doesn't come in a box, even when the box if full of chocolates.
So if Valentine's Day makes you happy, have a wonderful day filled with heart-shaped presents. But remember that there are loads of us out here (and not just singles) who just don't care all that much. If someone doesn't have a date or big plans, if flowers don't get delivered, it's ok.
The best Valentine? Loving yourself.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Take a stand
I didn't watch the Grammy awards last night. I had better things to watch and don't really know much of the current music.
Last night and this morning, I've been reading the Twitter/Facebook reactions to an abuser getting applauded for winning an award and the frightening comments young girls were making regarding him.
There have been several good articles written about this. I'd like to point to a few:
Last night and this morning, I've been reading the Twitter/Facebook reactions to an abuser getting applauded for winning an award and the frightening comments young girls were making regarding him.
There have been several good articles written about this. I'd like to point to a few:
- From Kveller, Why Are We Applauding Chris Brown
- Shared by Cineboobs, readitordont Really, look at this one if you need a reminder of what he is capable of. The picture of Rihanna's face is sobering.
- From HelloGiggles, I'm Not Okay with Chris Brown Performing at the Grammys and I'm Not Sure Why You Are - And this is the best-written piece I have seen about what exactly was wrong with the whole situation. Really, if you only read one, read this one.
Want to know something I've noticed? It isn't just this incident. It isn't just this trend of sweeping domestic abuse under the rug, blaming the woman for "earning" the beating and forgiving the abuser.
Pop culture is actually lauding abusive relationships, showcasing them as romantic.
Yeah, I went overboard on drawing your attention to that statement, but that's because it's all too sadly true. It's scary, too, because too many young people are learning that this is acceptable behavior.
I mean, it's nothing new. In the 60s we had The Graduate, in which Dustin Hoffman's character is a stalker, but it isn't painted that way. The movie won several Oscars. In the 80s we had Every Breath You Take, a song which even Sting recognizes as a dark, stalker-y song. And it gets played at weddings with regularity. Yeah, and that song won a couple of Grammys too.
Those are just examples off the top of my head.
Nowadays we have Twilight, perhaps one of the worst examples of glorifying sick, twisted, stalker and abusive behavior. I know there are other examples, but this one is the juggernaut, with not just teens but grown women lusting after the characters.
Disclaimer: I enjoyed the books - well, the 1st three, anyway. I recognized the problems in them, and the terrible writing, but was able to enjoy the story. I'm also an adult in a healthy relationship who can separate fantasy from reality.
I've seen the way teens talk about these books, wishing for relationships like the ones portrayed there. And it frightens me that a whole generation is going to think sick relationships are normal.
Then I see the tweets during last night's Grammys, where girls actually claim to want to be beaten.
And I immediately think about Twilight. And this article from the Science of Relationships, or this analysis of Bella and Edward's abusive relationship from io9, or this commentary from Feministing on how Abusive is the New Sexy, or this post about how the Twilight vampires resemble sexual predators.
There are many, many more examples I could point to, but think about this trend. And then think about your reaction to the books and/or movies. And what message you want young men and women to take from them.
And then think about real life situations and whether you applauded Chris Brown last night or were disgusted. Do you know anyone who has been in an abusive relationship? Would you stand up for them? Or would you stand back, claiming to be impartial, but intimating that "she must have earned it"?
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
The dog finder
I like dogs. I just don't want to own one. I like our cats: they are independent yet cuddly, low maintenance, and don't escape. Usually. Of our three cats, one generally won't even venture out if invited because he knows he has a good thing here.
Then there are our neighbors' dogs.
They like to escape. Not just one neighbor's. Several neighbors'. I've caught 4 different neighbors' dogs running around in the last 6 or so months.
I guess I'm a dog finder.
The latest incident was today when a small black and white dog came running up to my car as I was driving down the street. She had been walking in the street in front of her house. I carefully pulled over and she ran right up to me. No one was home, so I called the number on her tag (I'm so glad she had a tag!) and left a message. I knocked on the next door neighbor's door to see if she knew if the dog was usually just in the back yard. Together we found a chain in the back to tie the dog to. (The owner called about half an hour later.)
Last week I found a dog wandering through yards a couple blocks away. I stopped to check, thinking it was a dog I recognized. He wasn't, but he also had a tag (yay!). I called the number and met the owner 3 houses down. He was very happy to walk along with me to his home. I did get to meet a neighbor I had only had email contact with previously, so that was nice.
Several times in recent months, I have found another neighbor's dog wandering in someone's yard. When I stop, he turns and runs home. He has a habit of jumping the fence and exploring.
Last summer our next door neighbors' dogs, 3 big dogs, somehow escaped while they were on vacation. Luckily I had a way to contact their dog sitter who came to help round them up. Two were hanging around the front yard, waiting to be let back in, but the 3rd had wandered down the block. We still don't know how they got out.
Over the 8 years we've lived here, there have been other neighbor dogs who have gotten out. I often recognize them, but not all are easy to catch or coax home.
One thing I have noticed is that the dogs tend to walk in the street or right along the edge of the street when they get out. I guess it's because they are trained to walk there. We don't have sidewalks in the neighborhood, so people walk their dogs in the street. I'm just glad I've been able to get so many dogs back home without a car hitting them.
Then there are our neighbors' dogs.
They like to escape. Not just one neighbor's. Several neighbors'. I've caught 4 different neighbors' dogs running around in the last 6 or so months.
I guess I'm a dog finder.
The latest incident was today when a small black and white dog came running up to my car as I was driving down the street. She had been walking in the street in front of her house. I carefully pulled over and she ran right up to me. No one was home, so I called the number on her tag (I'm so glad she had a tag!) and left a message. I knocked on the next door neighbor's door to see if she knew if the dog was usually just in the back yard. Together we found a chain in the back to tie the dog to. (The owner called about half an hour later.)
Last week I found a dog wandering through yards a couple blocks away. I stopped to check, thinking it was a dog I recognized. He wasn't, but he also had a tag (yay!). I called the number and met the owner 3 houses down. He was very happy to walk along with me to his home. I did get to meet a neighbor I had only had email contact with previously, so that was nice.
Several times in recent months, I have found another neighbor's dog wandering in someone's yard. When I stop, he turns and runs home. He has a habit of jumping the fence and exploring.
Last summer our next door neighbors' dogs, 3 big dogs, somehow escaped while they were on vacation. Luckily I had a way to contact their dog sitter who came to help round them up. Two were hanging around the front yard, waiting to be let back in, but the 3rd had wandered down the block. We still don't know how they got out.
Over the 8 years we've lived here, there have been other neighbor dogs who have gotten out. I often recognize them, but not all are easy to catch or coax home.
One thing I have noticed is that the dogs tend to walk in the street or right along the edge of the street when they get out. I guess it's because they are trained to walk there. We don't have sidewalks in the neighborhood, so people walk their dogs in the street. I'm just glad I've been able to get so many dogs back home without a car hitting them.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
on science in science classrooms
The Indiana Senate just passed a SB 0089 which allows public schools to teach creationism in science class as long as they teach origin of life theories from multiple religions. The bill now goes to the House, where hopefully saner heads will prevail.
We've been sent back to the 1950s.
I have a few thoughts on this bit of legislation.
1) If you subscribe to any particular religion, you should absolutely defend the separation of church and state rather than argue that "it doesn't exist". The whole point of that idea is to protect religions from state interference. Why do so many forget that? And only when it is convenient. Is it ok to push a particular religion? If you are Christian and answer "yes" when it is yours but are disgusted by theocracies elsewhere in the world, think about what that means. Just remember that when a particular religion is protected, other religions suffer. You could be on the losing end.
2) Creationism is not science. Please don't argue that "evolution is just a theory" unless you really understand what a scientific theory is. Hint: it means a hypothesis has been proven. Think Theory of Relativity. Science uses particular methods to investigate how things happen. Creationism has not been tested using scientific methods. Is it a valid subject? In certain classes, yes. Not in science class.
3) Science tries to answer "how". Religion explores "why". These are different questions. The Theory of Evolution explains the process by which living things have developed. It actually isn't in conflict with creationism. This is why the Pope and Catholic Church, for example, endorses evolution as the process God used to create the world. (Science doesn't care if there is a Supreme Being pushing the buttons.)
4) For an interesting fictional take on the argument, I suggest Chapter 9, Cosmos, in Piers Anthony's For Eternity. This is the 7th book in the Incarnations of Immortality series. I highly recommend the entire series, but this chapter in particular is a trial of science (evolution and the Big Bang theory) vs. religion (Creationism). Of particular note is that the Biblical "day" can be interpreted as "as long as the stage took". Because does God really follow an Earth day? Or would God have his own timeline?
So about teaching creation is science? It's not science. It isn't in conflict with science, but it isn't science. It doesn't belong in science class. As part of social studies, history, theology, or a variety of other classes? Absolutely, as long as other religious viewpoints are included. Because the place for true religious doctrine to be taught is at home or in church or mosque or synagogue or whatever religious institution subscribes to that religion. (Even if you are Christian, do you trust that YOUR particular brand of Christianity will be taught? Because it just might be another group's viewpoint that is given.)
We've been sent back to the 1950s.
I have a few thoughts on this bit of legislation.
1) If you subscribe to any particular religion, you should absolutely defend the separation of church and state rather than argue that "it doesn't exist". The whole point of that idea is to protect religions from state interference. Why do so many forget that? And only when it is convenient. Is it ok to push a particular religion? If you are Christian and answer "yes" when it is yours but are disgusted by theocracies elsewhere in the world, think about what that means. Just remember that when a particular religion is protected, other religions suffer. You could be on the losing end.
2) Creationism is not science. Please don't argue that "evolution is just a theory" unless you really understand what a scientific theory is. Hint: it means a hypothesis has been proven. Think Theory of Relativity. Science uses particular methods to investigate how things happen. Creationism has not been tested using scientific methods. Is it a valid subject? In certain classes, yes. Not in science class.
3) Science tries to answer "how". Religion explores "why". These are different questions. The Theory of Evolution explains the process by which living things have developed. It actually isn't in conflict with creationism. This is why the Pope and Catholic Church, for example, endorses evolution as the process God used to create the world. (Science doesn't care if there is a Supreme Being pushing the buttons.)
4) For an interesting fictional take on the argument, I suggest Chapter 9, Cosmos, in Piers Anthony's For Eternity. This is the 7th book in the Incarnations of Immortality series. I highly recommend the entire series, but this chapter in particular is a trial of science (evolution and the Big Bang theory) vs. religion (Creationism). Of particular note is that the Biblical "day" can be interpreted as "as long as the stage took". Because does God really follow an Earth day? Or would God have his own timeline?
So about teaching creation is science? It's not science. It isn't in conflict with science, but it isn't science. It doesn't belong in science class. As part of social studies, history, theology, or a variety of other classes? Absolutely, as long as other religious viewpoints are included. Because the place for true religious doctrine to be taught is at home or in church or mosque or synagogue or whatever religious institution subscribes to that religion. (Even if you are Christian, do you trust that YOUR particular brand of Christianity will be taught? Because it just might be another group's viewpoint that is given.)
Monday, January 30, 2012
January goal assessment
At the beginning of the month I posted about 5 goals I have for this year. To keep me on track, I plan to post my progress each month. January ends tomorrow, so here is this month's assessment:
Goal 1 is to finish my novel. I didn't get nearly as far as I had hoped this month. Writing when the boys are around it difficult (they entertain themselves just fine until I try to do something) and this was a month with few opportunities to write in peace. My writing time is Tuesday and Thursday when the boys are in school - and they were home more often than planned due to school closure or illness. I need to make more time. I finished a revision of chapter 12 and am working on chapter 13, which I hope to finish by tomorrow.
Goal 2 is to finish our screenplay. I haven't touched this in months because I'm pushing through on the novel. I have a hard time concentrating on multiple projects at once so my writing suffers. I likely won't make progress on this for a couple more months until the novel is done, unless I need to take a break.
Goal 3 is to read 40 books this year. I'm ahead on this goal, having read 6 books so far. Sick time has helped here and I fully expect the summer and holiday season to slow me down, so it's probably good that I'm ahead right now.
Goal 4 is to see at least 1 movie at the IU Cinema each month. In January, we went to "Being Elmo", so this goal has been accomplished for the month.
Goal 5 is to visit a state park each month. We went to McCormick's Creek State Park early in January, thus making this goal for the month.
All in all, I'm pretty happy with my progress. I know where my weakness is (making time to write) so I can work on correcting that.
Goal 1 is to finish my novel. I didn't get nearly as far as I had hoped this month. Writing when the boys are around it difficult (they entertain themselves just fine until I try to do something) and this was a month with few opportunities to write in peace. My writing time is Tuesday and Thursday when the boys are in school - and they were home more often than planned due to school closure or illness. I need to make more time. I finished a revision of chapter 12 and am working on chapter 13, which I hope to finish by tomorrow.
Goal 2 is to finish our screenplay. I haven't touched this in months because I'm pushing through on the novel. I have a hard time concentrating on multiple projects at once so my writing suffers. I likely won't make progress on this for a couple more months until the novel is done, unless I need to take a break.
Goal 3 is to read 40 books this year. I'm ahead on this goal, having read 6 books so far. Sick time has helped here and I fully expect the summer and holiday season to slow me down, so it's probably good that I'm ahead right now.
Goal 4 is to see at least 1 movie at the IU Cinema each month. In January, we went to "Being Elmo", so this goal has been accomplished for the month.
Goal 5 is to visit a state park each month. We went to McCormick's Creek State Park early in January, thus making this goal for the month.
All in all, I'm pretty happy with my progress. I know where my weakness is (making time to write) so I can work on correcting that.
Friday, January 27, 2012
I also have awesome friends
Yesterday I wrote about my awesome husband. Last night a group of my friends proved just how awesome they are.
I hosted the monthly book club for my moms group last night. About an hour before it was to start, Wil, who had seemed to skate through this last illness, complained he wasn't feeling good. No wonder, as he had developed a fever. Knowing Chris was capable of taking care of the boys, I went ahead with book club (the boys would be either downstairs or upstairs from where we were meeting).
Cue delightful book club wherein everyone talked about a book we all enjoyed and talk eventually turned to other topics.
And just as the first "I should get home" noises were being made, the sound of coughing (horrible sound from Wil; he had croup as a baby and his cough has always sounded a little "croupy" ever since) and crying started upstairs. Since I was closer, I went up to check just in time for Wil to throw up - in bed.
Amanda and Allison got Chris to come help. The whole group started picking up the dishes and food, even rinsing stuff and loading the dishwasher. The living room and dining room were immaculate by the time I came downstairs. And then the 6 women left (but not a hasty retreat; just a "we should go so you can deal with your sick child and it was time to go anyway" departure).
Do you have friends who will clean up your kitchen in a pinch? I learned last night that I do. Sometimes it's the little things.
I hosted the monthly book club for my moms group last night. About an hour before it was to start, Wil, who had seemed to skate through this last illness, complained he wasn't feeling good. No wonder, as he had developed a fever. Knowing Chris was capable of taking care of the boys, I went ahead with book club (the boys would be either downstairs or upstairs from where we were meeting).
Cue delightful book club wherein everyone talked about a book we all enjoyed and talk eventually turned to other topics.
And just as the first "I should get home" noises were being made, the sound of coughing (horrible sound from Wil; he had croup as a baby and his cough has always sounded a little "croupy" ever since) and crying started upstairs. Since I was closer, I went up to check just in time for Wil to throw up - in bed.
Amanda and Allison got Chris to come help. The whole group started picking up the dishes and food, even rinsing stuff and loading the dishwasher. The living room and dining room were immaculate by the time I came downstairs. And then the 6 women left (but not a hasty retreat; just a "we should go so you can deal with your sick child and it was time to go anyway" departure).
Do you have friends who will clean up your kitchen in a pinch? I learned last night that I do. Sometimes it's the little things.
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