Re-watching and rereading

Re-watching. Rereading. Enjoying all over again.

I feel like that has been a theme for me the last week or two. And it's reminding me how much I love certain shows, movies, and books. I remember why I loved them in the first place.

Several years ago I borrowed The Absolute Sandman from our local library. I was captivated by the story. The bound volumes are expensive. And there are four. So we never picked them up. But then, on one of our regular trips to our friendly local comic shop, we picked up the trade paperback of The Sandman #1, Preludes and Nocturnes.

I reread Preludes and Nocturnes (the first Absolute Sandman volume contains the first three trade paperbacks) over the weekend. While not the strongest storyline in Neil Gaiman's version of The Sandman, I really enjoyed reading it again. I want to reread the rest of the series and the new storyline, The Sandman: Overture.

Saturday I sat down and watched Return of the Jedi with the boys. I've seen it many times, but the last few times they've watched it I have been busy doing other things. I think this is the first time in a couple of years that I just watched the movie. And I remembered how much I love the original Star Wars trilogy. I think a viewing of the complete saga will happen this summer. Yes, probably including episodes 1-3, because the boys will insist. (If only I could convince them to skip the podrace....)

Also over the weekend (what was up with this weekend?) I caught a couple of episodes of the Battlestar Galactica reimagining. Up late, waiting for Chris to get home, flipping channels.... and BBC America was airing Kobol's Last Gleaming parts 1 & 2. I've been wanting to re-watch the series and even picked it up on Blu-ray a while back (gotta love those Amazon deals of the day!), but it's not something we can watch while the boys are around. Now I really want to immerse myself in that series again.

There are other series I want to watch again: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, Star Trek: The Next Generation. There are other books I really want to read again, although my to-read pile is now three shelves and some of the books are so long: Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series (I so love the Starz tv adaptation, another Ron Moore gem, along with the aforementioned Battlestar Galactica), the Harry Potter series (maybe I'll reread those when the boys are ready to read them), A Wrinkle in Time (actually, I just read the graphic novel adaptation, which, yes, reminded me of how much I loved that book), the Anne of Green Gables series.

What is it about certain books or shows that makes us want to read or watch them repeatedly? Is it like comfort food? I'm not sure that's right, at least not for me. Certain stories speak to me. They are like old friends that I know well, but they continue to surprise me. They tell me truths about myself or the world. I'm not sure I've found exactly the right words for why some stories keep hold of me or return to me while others can just float by, entertaining me, but not needing a return visit.

What books/movies/shows do you continually revisit?

Summer homework

I've noticed a trend in schools: assigning homework over the summer. Mostly this means tracking reading, journaling, summer reading lists.

I don't ever remember getting summer homework in school, so I'm not sure when this trend started. But I find it irritating.

I understand that the schools want kids to read over the summer. They are trying to prevent skill loss. That also seems to be the motivator behind so many 'balanced calendar' and year round schools, and the shortening of summer break.

But I contend that making reading homework can actually be counterproductive. Because reading, something that should be enjoyable, is becoming a chore. Homework is work.

Last year, we had to track reading minutes for both boys. The schools tracked reading minutes, with classroom goals. Some days, the boys wanted to play or draw or do something creative. And we had to make them stop so they could get their reading minutes.

For 1st grade, the teacher set a goal of 200 minutes per week. That's about 30 minutes every day. Not so bad. Except if even one day had 0 minutes it was pretty difficult to hit that goal. Which can be hard on a 6 year old.

(Oh yeah, these goals are for 5 and 6 year olds. Who aren't so good at tracking this stuff, meaning mom and dad are keeping track.)

Now, some days they were really into reading, especially with the right book. On those days, they would read for an hour or more. But other days they just weren't in the mood. And making them read made them dislike it.

This summer, I haven't used the charts to track reading minutes or books read. Looking at them, we maybe haven't hit the goals for each day, but have my boys been reading? Yes. Yes, they have.

Reading a Spongebob comic--on vacation!

They discovered a love of Spongebob and Angry Birds comics. They giggle at Shel Silverstein poems. They are in the midst of listening to Daddy read The Hobbit to them. And they are enthralled, waiting for the next chapter each night. They enjoy listening to audio books in the car, usually following along in the physical book. They discovered Roald Dahl: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, James and the Giant Peach, and The Fantastic Mr. Fox. I find Dr. Seuss books strewn across their bedroom floor after hearing them laugh their way through Hop on Pop; The Cat in the Hat; One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish; or Green Eggs and Ham.

Is it more important that they learn to love reading, learn to enjoy reading, or that they read a certain number of books for a certain number of minutes?

Now, there are kids who love the challenge of summer reading programs. And that's great. But I question the wisdom of making reading homework that has to be tracked, at least for new readers. Because I want my boys to want to read, not be forced to read.

Little Free Library update

Our Little Free Library has been up for about a month. I'm happy to see it is getting some use. Hopefully we'll be on the map soon.

Step on the path to your next favorite book.

We chose to stock our library with a variety of books, including children's books. The children's books have been very popular.

If you're in the Grandview Hills neighborhood area, stop by and borrow a book.

Here are the current selections in the library:

Floors and Stairways, Time Life reference book

Weatherproofing, Time Life reference book

At Home, by Bill Bryson

The Historian, by Elizabeth Kostova

Snow Crash, by Neal Stephenson

American Gods, by Neil Gaiman

Dracula, by Bram Stoker

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, by Mark Twain

Sense and Sensibility, by Jane Austen

They Wear What Under Their Kilts?, by Katie Maxwell

Survival in Auschwitz, bu Primo Levi

Mama Makes Up Her Mind, by Bailey White

Quite a Year for Plums, by Bailey White

Sleeping at the Starlite Motel, by Bailey White

Had Enough? A Handbook for Fighting Back, by James Carville

Your Inner Fish, by Neil Shubin

A Guilty Thing Surprised, bu Ruth Rendell

Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley

My Quiz Book, by Lizzie McGuire

Anne of Green Gables, by L.M. Montgomery

Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Disgusting Sneakers, by Donald J. Sobol

Dragon Slayers' Academy: The New Kid at School, by Kate McMullen

How to Eat Fried Worms, by Thomas Rockwell

Ramona the Brave, by Beverly Cleary

Fudge-a-Mania, by Judy Blume

1, 2, 3 Count with Me, Sesame Street

Opposite Race, The Backyardigans

Super Senses Save the Day!, The Backyardigans

Deep Sea Countdown, The Backyardigans

The Shape-Jewel Hunt, The Backyardigans

Splat the Car with a Bang and a Clang, Rob Scotton

Curious George Flies a Kite, Margaret Rey

The Puppy Who Wanted a Boy, Jane Thayer

Hop on Pop, by Dr. Seuss

Bread and Jam for Frances, Russell Hoban

The Soapsud Fairy, by Candida Palmer

Polite Elephant, by Richard Scarry

Our Little Free Library

Our Little Free Library arrived yesterday. This evening we were able to install it. We are now stewards of LFL #6788! We've stocked a few books to start, and several neighbors have offered more so the selection will increase as word gets out. If you pass by the east side of Bloomington, stop by our library. Take a book... leave a book!

Take a step on the path

And find a new friend

When you've finished a book

Leave one behind

If you aren't familiar with Little Free Library, it's a movement to create small libraries to promote literacy and the love of reading, plus foster a sense of community.

Year end goals progress

The year is coming to an end and it's time to look at the progress I have made (or not) on my goals.

1. My first goal was to finish my novel. I haven't finished revisions. I actually haven't worked on it in a while. I have been thinking about it, though. I like my story, but I think I've been too nice to my characters. I need to do some serious revision if I want it to be a better story. 
2. My second goal was to finish our screenplay. And I did finish a draft. Now comes rewrites.
3. My third goal was part of the Goodreads 2012 Reading Challenge. I set a goal of reading 40 books this year. It was a stretch at times, but I finished #40 this evening. I think I'll set a more leisurely goal for 2013.
4. My fourth goal was to see at least 1 movie each month at the IU Cinema. While we did miss a month or two (the Cinema was dark in July, for example), we did see a LOT of films there this year. 
5. Goal five was to visit a state park each month. We didn't manage every month, but I knew some months, especially in winter, would be tough. All in all, I'm pleased that we managed to get to a state park most months.
6. My sixth goal, added in the spring, was to run a mile. I did manage to get to running a mile. Not every time I ran, but most times. I haven't run as much lately with the cold weather, but I did get out once in December. 

November goals progress

Is it already the end of November? It's time for my monthly update.

1. I decided to work on a new novel during NaNoWriMo for November. I started "Dear Grace", an idea I've been thinking about off and on for over a year. While I did start, I didn't get very far. I found that having to work on it made it harder, made it a chore. So I've gotten back to writing just when I feel inspired. Yep, I'm never gonna be a full-time writer. And that's ok. I want to enjoy writing.
2. No new progress on the play.
3. I've read 36 books so far this year. Only 4 more to reach my goal of 40. I'm on track to do it.
4. November was a very busy month for us at the IU Cinema. We started the month with From Here to Eternity, followed by The Motorcycle Diaries, Cabaret and, finally, A Trip to the Moon last night. 
5. We didn't get to any of the state forests this month. One Saturday we considered it, but ended up going to an SCA archery practice instead. 
6. And the cold weather takes away any desire to run. I think this one will be on hold until the spring.

October goals progress

It's November 1st. I supposed I should post my October goals progress.

1. I worked on my novel a little. Got some good feedback. Lots of notes to apply... when I'm ready to work on it more. I'm starting a new novel in November for NaNoWriMo. 
2. Got some good feedback on the play. I need to work with Chris to add action (it's currently dialog heavy).
3. I'm on track toward my goal of 40 books. I've read 33 so far. I'm currently reading 2. 
4. We spent a lot of time at the IU Cinema in October. Casablanca on October 4th, Bride of Frankenstein/Freaks double feature followed by The Gamers: Dorkness Rising/Beverly Lane double feature on October 27th.
5. Does driving through Yellowwood State Forest count? Because we did that. We didn't get out and hike, but it was a nice drive.
6. I've fallen off the running wagon. I got out a few times, but the cold has been an issue. I picked up some warmer running clothes, so that should help... as long as I can keep from getting injured and actually get out. 

Overall, a pretty good month. I think I'll add yoga or some other exercise in place of trying to run so much. It may be the cold, but I've been more likely to hurt after running lately. November is looking to be a very productive month.

Releasing the fear

I just finished reading Free-Range Kids. I've been following the blog for a while and finally read the book.

I like the philosophy behind Free Range Kids. I want to raise confident, independent kids. I want to trust them. I want them to be able to trust the world. And the statistics show they should be able to.

The book is divided into 14 "commandments" in the first section. Bearing in mind the ages of my kids, I'm happy to report that we've already reached the "Free-Range Baby Step" highlighted in each chapter. In some cases, we've even ventured beyond that.

I look forward to the boys being old enough to do more on their own (many of the steps are geared toward 'school-age' kids, so they are just on the edge of being ready to try more).

An example, for anyone who thinks Free-Range is too scary:
The first baby step is to cross the street with your school age child without holding their hand. Yep, I've done that with my 4 and 5 year olds. We've even walked in parking lots with them walking right next to me. And I point out the sounds of cars approaching or starting, back-up lights, and other information that will help them navigate streets and parking lots on their own in the future.

Recently I was speaking to another mom about the book and how much I liked the ideas in it. She said she could never go free range because if something did happen to one of her kids, she would never forgive herself.

I know that feeling. I also know that doing everything for my kids isn't helpful. For me, for us, our job is to help the boys until they can do things for themselves. And sometimes the best defense against the unthinkable is for them to know how to protect themselves.

A point that is made over and over is that crime rates are lower now than they were when we were growing up. It is actually safer now, but we hear about more crime because of the 24 hour news cycle and the availability of information from around the world.

What does the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children have to say? They've been trying to debunk the myth of stranger danger. There is a big difference between teaching kids to not talk to strangers and teaching kids not to go with strangers.

We've lost that message in the constant fear.

I could keep citing all the information in the book, but there's a whole book that does it better than I could. There's a great blog to read some of the crazy things that are going on in the name of safety (some of which probably make things less safe).

Free Range may not be for everyone. But I recommend reading the book and finding out what it's really all about. Maybe you're a little more Free Range than you thought.

September goals progress

Time for the monthly progress report:

1. I worked a little on my story. Not as much as I should have, but some. I like where the story is. I am aware of my weaknesses. Now I need to buckle down and finish so I can move on. I've started thinking about a new story to write during this year's NaNoWriMo in November. I'm excited. This year's story isn't a fantasy piece. I'll be writing in the real world. 
2. I finished a draft of our play! There were major problems with the penultimate scene, but I've even rewritten that and fixed what I knew was wrong. I've sure this will need revising, but I'm happy with where it's at right now. Chris needs to go through it and help with action. He's already pointed out a line that was unintentionally creepy, so I fixed that.
3. I've read 30 books toward my goal of 40. I'm 75% of the way to my goal, 75% of the way through the year. Right on track. I think next year I'll lower my goal a little. Even though it looks like I can do 40, I almost feel like I'm reading just to meet the goal sometimes. (Usually I just get lost in the book, but ones that take a bit longer to read... I feel pressure to finish them quickly.)
4. The fall season at the IU Cinema is fantastic. This month we saw Werner Herzog's Fitzcarraldo, with Herzog in attendance, no less; Treasure of the Sierra Madre; and Two Years at Sea, an experimental film. Fitzcarraldo was interesting - a little long and slow, but interesting. For the record, I liked the ending. The whole point was about bringing opera to the town, and he did. Two Years at Sea wasn't really our cup of tea, but it's good to get out of our comfort zone and try something different.
5. We didn't get to any of the state parks this month. Between weather, other commitments and a surprise visit to the grandparents, it just didn't happen.
6. Running. What can I say about running? I read a book this month about interval training. While I have no desire to run a half marathon, the principles in the book can still be applied to my own running. And I did try to implement them once my leg felt better and I recovered from a cold. I had my best run (2 minutes jogging, 1 minute walking). Then I had a couple of bad runs trying to keep to that schedule. I was trying to time it so I would hit the hill at a walk, but that backfired on me. I decided to change my interval to 1:1... and then I got hit with another cold and it rained all week. I haven't had a chance to get back out and run. Honestly, I still don't like running, so running when I don't feel good or when the weather is crappy is just enough incentive to give it up, so I take those days off. If the weather holds out, I should be able to get back into the swing of things this Tuesday.

All in all, not a bad month. I feel like I'm getting back in the groove now that the boys are in school. Of course, I'm also looking forward another 2 years, making plans for grad school, which means I should pick up a GRE study/practice book because I'll need to take the GRE and apply to grad school next year if I want to start in 2014. It never ends, does it?

August goals progress

I feel like I'm finally getting back on track with my goals.

1. I didn't work on my story, but writing group started meeting again. I got some good feedback on a chapter and lots of ideas to work with.
2. Progress on our screenplay! I'm working on the penultimate scene. I need to figure out exactly what happens in this scene and then write the ending. I've changed a few earlier scenes from the first draft, which changes everything after that.... I feel good about where it's going.
3. I have read 25 books toward my goal of 40 for the year. I'm 1 book behind - the book I'm currently reading. I hope to finish it this weekend. For the record, I'm reading "A Study in Sherlock". 
4. The IU Cinema is back in full swing. In August, we saw Woody Allen's "To Rome With Love". I haven't seen many Woody Allen films, but this is the first one I actually liked. 
5. Despite the heat, earlier this month we drove down to Mitchell and spent the afternoon exploring the Pioneer Village at Spring Mill State Park. We picked up some freshly stone ground corn meal and made corn bread for dinner that evening. Actually, we have to make more corn bread since we have so much corn meal. While at Spring Mill, we stopped at the Gus Grissom memorial. Space geeks that we are, we enjoyed seeing his space suit and Gemini capsule. There was also a memorial in Mitchell, his home town.
6. Ah, running. What to say about running. August was a Jekyll and Hyde month for running. The cooler mornings made it much easier to run in the morning. I was even running 4 mornings a week. Until this week. Saturday evening I was restless, so I decided to take a quiet jog around the neighborhood. I had to stop and walk part way through because my shin started hurting. I guess my history of shin splints is catching up with me, because my right shin has been giving me trouble since then. I haven't run, but I've been trying to walk. Not the same, but I need to let my leg heal.

So, mixed bag again, but much more on the positive. With the boys back in school (Wil full-time and Sam 2 days/week), I hope to make more time to write during the day. The weather should also cool off some, which may help us get to state parks to hike. 

June goals progress

It's time for another check in on my goals progress. Here's how I did in June.

1. While I haven't finished revisions on my novel, I did get back to writing. I revised 2 chapters this month. I consider this a win.
2. I didn't work on the screenplay, but at least I got back to writing.
3. I have read 18 of the 40 books I hope to read this year. At my current rate, according to Goodreads, I am 1 book behind. While still behind, this is an improvement over last month.
4. Chris and I went to see a really good Norwegian film, Turn Me On, Dammit!, at the IU Cinema.I highly recommend seeing this movie if you get a chance. Go save it on Netflix if it isn't coming to a theater near you. (IMDb listing) As a bonus, we also saw a movie at the local multiplex. Yes, we saw Prometheus. In 3D.
5. The boys and I met a group of moms and kids for a hike at McCormick's Creek State Park. We picked the most rugged trail, of course, since it is the boys' favorite, although we only did a portion of it (and not the hardest part). 
6. While I've had to take this week off from running since Chris is out of town (can't leave the boys home alone yet), I have been running a mile through the neighborhood 3 times each week. I haven't usually gone further, but my breathing is much easier than when I started. And I haven't been getting shin splints. Considering the heat (it's often already warm when I head out to run at 7:30), I'm pretty happy that I can go a mile. I'll worry about getting more distance in the fall when it cools off. If then. A full circuit of our neighborhood is about 1.5 miles, so that might be a good goal to work for at that point.

Overall, not bad progress. I feel like I'm getting back into the swing of things. I just need to find time to do everything I want to do.

May goals progress

It's that time again, the end of the month, when I post my progress on the goals I set way back in January as well as the new one I set in March.

1. Once again, I didn't work on my novel. But I did print the current draft and I'm ready to tackle it again.
2. I didn't work on my script either. 
3. I got back into reading! I have read 15 out of my 40 book goal. It's a good thing I was ahead at the beginning of the year, because I'm now 1 book behind on pace, but it's only 1. After the reading hiatus I took in April, that's not too bad.
4. May was a busy month for us at the IU Cinema. We spent 2 nights there, May 1st and 2nd, seeing the student productions and the Made In Bloomington series that I helped program. 
5. I am happy to report that I took the boys to McCormick's Creek today (yep, just squeezing it in this month) for a hike around the falls/trail 3 area. They really like that area and asked to go there. We had a great time, and the weather was perfect.
6. I am consistently running 1 mile now. There have been a few times when I haven't made that, but nearly every run this month was at least 1 mile. I plan to run every morning (Monday through Friday, at least) that is possible. I just started that this week, since the boys are now out of school, forcing me to get up early and run. That isn't a bad thing, since it's getting hot early now. Of course, I set that schedule and didn't run Monday (we had to get up early to get to a Memorial Day service) or Tuesday (it was raining) or Wednesday (I had an 8:15 a.m. dental appointment). But I did get up and run today. 

All in all, not a bad month. No progress on 2 goals, but something to report on the other 4. Let's hope June is even better.

YA is the PG-13 of novels

Last night I had an interesting conversation with a writer named Shirley. We had attended a screenwriting panel and are both aspiring writers.

Shirley is adapting a script she had written, turning it into a novel. She has tried to shop it around as an adult novel, but didn't have any takers. She wondered if maybe it was more of a young adult novel.

The idea of it being a YA novel had been suggested to her before. I mentioned that the novel I am writing was a YA fantasy novel, and mentioned that I thought her themes sounded like a good fit for a teen audience.

I haven't read her novel, but the idea had occurred to me from her description. She's now mulling that idea.

All this is to set the stage for something I was thinking about as I wandered the grocery store at 10:00 last night:

Movies often aim for a PG-13 rating to increase their possible audience. R ratings by definition exclude the under 18 set. PG-13 is seen as still interesting to adults, unlike PG or G, which are "for kids".

At the book store, there is a similar sorting. The children's section is like G and PG movies. The YA section is like a PG-13 movie. The rest of the store is adult by default.

Now, just because a book isn't in the YA section doesn't mean a teen can't read it, so in that way the sections aren't exactly like movie ratings. But consider the number of adults who read books from the YA section (The Hunger Games, Twilight). There are many books I have read that I was surprised to find in YA - The Art of Racing in the Rain, for example.

There are the examples of children's books that get read by adults as well (Harry Potter), just as there are G and PG movies that adults enjoy. But that YA section is pretty popular just as PG-13 movies are pretty popular.

Writing something that is appropriate for and appeals to young and old can certainly expand your audience. And even if it doesn't, if it only appeals to younger readers, isn't it better to have your story out there, being read, than to have it collect dust in a drawer?

Now I just need to finish my novel so it can find those readers.

February goals progress

Back at the beginning of the year, I set 5 goals for this year. With February ending tomorrow, here is my current progress:

1. I have done revisions on 2 more chapters. Not as far as I hoped to be, but these chapters actually involved quite a bit of rearranging and reworking, so I'm happy to have them done. I'm at nearly 45K words (my goal is ~50K).
2. As with last month, I haven't worked on the screenplay this month since I've been pushing to get my novel done.
3. I have read 9 books toward my goal of 40 this year. This puts me 3 books ahead of where I need to be.
4. We saw several movies at the IU Cinema this month: Holiday, Oscar Nominated Shorts - Live Action, Oscar Nominated Shorts - Animated, and Pina in 3D. We also planned to see The Kid and Sherlock Jr with the boys, but Sam had a raging fever, so that fell through.
5. His illness was also one reason we didn't make it to a state park this month. For such a short month, February was jam-packed with way too much happening. Our plan of hiking this past Sunday, when temperatures were downright balmy, were foiled by Sam's illness. If only.... but travel, bad weather and illness take their toll. 

All in all, I'm pretty happy with where I'm at. I would like to be another chapter ahead writing, but I am a sloooow writer. Especially when doing revisions. The screenplay isn't even on my radar yet because of the novel. Hopefully we'll do better getting to a state park in March. As long as we don't get a late season snow storm, the weather should be improving (who am I kidding? we haven't had winter!) so that will remove one obstacle.

What I've been reading: Bringing Up Bébé

A few weeks ago, Chris and I heard this interview on NPR's Weekend Edition. Some of the principles sounded like what we've been trying to do and the rest made reasonable sense. So I bought Bringing Up Bébé. In hardcover.

I finished reading it last night (it's a pretty quick read). This is one of the few parenting books that I have actually liked. For one thing, it isn't dry. She also doesn't claim to have all the answers or to be a "perfect" parent. The book is about her journey toward becoming a better parent, highlighting things she learned watching French mothers.

If you can get beyond the assumption that all French parents do things this way and all American parents do things that way, there is a lot of sense and even science backing up what she observed. And she even points out that she is making a generalization based on the parents she saw.

Some notes I took while reading:

• The French way of asking if someone is pregnant is to ask "Are you waiting for a child?"- what a nice way of putting it!
• The French seek balance. Being a parent is only part of being a person. Mothers should have their own identities. It isn't healthy to "be in service to" their kids.
• Calmness during pregnancy. The French don't have a culture of fear, searching for every little thing to worry about. Instead, they try to be reasonable and understand what is truly dangerous (smoking) vs. what merely needs caution (not eliminating foods, but taking precautions like preparing their own sushi)
• "Observing the baby", also known as "le pause" - French parents wait a moment before picking up their crying babies so they can 1) allow the child to learn to self-soothe and 2) have a better idea of what the child needs. This allows most French babies to sleep through the night at 3-6 months old. No Ferberizing, no excessive sleepless nights, sleep teaching rather than sleep training... and the science of sleep backs up this method!
• Education rather than discipline: the parents see their role more as teaching their children acceptable behavior, guiding them, than punishing.
• Babies have rhythms, but so do parents and families. 
• cadre - firm limits but a lot of freedom within that frame
• Kids are people!
• Listening to a child doesn't mean giving them everything they want, but a parent can explain better if they understand the child's view.
• In regards to "dieting", French women talk about "paying attention" rather than "being good" or "cheating". It's actually a healthier way to lose weight, backed once again by research. This is one of the issues that the author is a bit ambivalent and even a little negative about - the pressure for French women, or at least Parisian women, to be very thin, even just a few months post-partum. But, she does appreciate the philosophy and the fact that they will eat anything they want.
• It is normal and good to be a woman, not just mom. And that includes being a sexual person. French women generally don't give over their lives to their children at the expense of themselves. They love their children but find balance and don't have to go to extremes to prove their love. 
• "Good mothers aren't at constant service to their children."
• "mom" is not separate from "woman"
• French mothers don't overbook their kids, allowing them time to be free. 1 extracurricular as opposed to something every day.
• Balance the needs of children vs. needs of the partnership: Sacrificing relationship and sex life for kids is considered unhealthy. Once the children leave, spouse is still there and need to cultivate that relationship.
• Things that help the French do this: no or low cost child care (high quality day care, free preschool), low cost health care and college. 
• In regards to food, parents must teach a child how to eat, so keep introducing new foods. Kids must try one bite of each food, then they can move on to the next course. (This fits with our "one bite" rule.)
• Don't offer replacement foods. Don't react to rejection. Explore food beyond like/don't like: there is no such thing as "kids' food" and variety is good. Visual and textural variety are important.
• French kids don't snack. Meals seem to fall nationally at 8 a.m., noon, 4 p.m. (only snack), and 8 p.m. Kids are actually hungry by dinner because they haven't been eating all day.
• One positive she points out for American parenting is the sense of community.
• Parents are not raising obedient robots. They have authority; authoritative does not mean authoritarian. 
• Let children live their lives.
• French parents and teachers don't praise much. Excessive praise can distort motivation. Overpraised kids can become afraid to commit because they are afraid of not succeeding.

As with any parenting book, you take what you like and discard the rest. And author Pamela Druckerman admits that she has adopted some of the French practices, kept some American ones, and is still trying to find a balance. I really liked that she admitted to still having issues, but that implementing some of these practices has helped with her 3 kids and her relationship with her husband. 

January goal assessment

At the beginning of the month I posted about 5 goals I have for this year. To keep me on track, I plan to post my progress each month. January ends tomorrow, so here is this month's assessment:

Goal 1 is to finish my novel. I didn't get nearly as far as I had hoped this month. Writing when the boys are around it difficult (they entertain themselves just fine until I try to do something) and this was a month with few opportunities to write in peace. My writing time is Tuesday and Thursday when the boys are in school - and they were home more often than planned due to school closure or illness. I need to make more time. I finished a revision of chapter 12 and am working on chapter 13, which I hope to finish by tomorrow.

Goal 2 is to finish our screenplay. I haven't touched this in months because I'm pushing through on the novel. I have a hard time concentrating on multiple projects at once so my writing suffers. I likely won't make progress on this for a couple more months until the novel is done, unless I need to take a break.

Goal 3 is to read 40 books this year. I'm ahead on this goal, having read 6 books so far. Sick time has helped here and I fully expect the summer and holiday season to slow me down, so it's probably good that I'm ahead right now.

Goal 4 is to see at least 1 movie at the IU Cinema each month. In January, we went to "Being Elmo", so this goal has been accomplished for the month.

Goal 5 is to visit a state park each month. We went to McCormick's Creek State Park early in January, thus making this goal for the month.

All in all, I'm pretty happy with my progress. I know where my weakness is (making time to write) so I can work on correcting that.

All fiction is fantasy

I know I'm not the first to realize this, but the idea that all fiction is fantasy is something I was thinking about in the shower the other day.

See, I even wrote it on the shower wall with tub crayons.

So, all fiction is fantasy. Some types are just closer to reality than others. But they all spring from the author's imagination: mystery, suspense, romance, historical, sci-fi, and even... fantasy.

I like the freedom of writing fantasy. I get to invent a world in which anything could happen. I get to decide on the rules. I can even write about dragons that aren't dragons.

But all fiction is fantasy. And it is all made from nothing. Sometimes we borrow places or people we know. Sometimes we disguise them so we can make them just a little different to fit the story, or to protect them, or just because. Sometimes we make things up.

If fiction were not fantasy, it would be pretty boring. And it wouldn't be fiction. It would be history, or biography, or journalism. There are some interesting and exciting tales in reality. But there are no fairies or magic.

Pirates aren't swashbuckling in real life. Aliens aren't from outer space. Detectives have to worry about evidence tampering and usually aren't Miss Marple or Sherlock Holmes.

All fiction is fantasy. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Musings on a book

I recently read Eat, Pray, Love for my moms' group book club. Although I won't make it to book club, I still wanted to read the book. I also took the opportunity to watch the movie.

I liked the book better, partly because the book was better able to go in depth. The movie wasn't bad, but the nature of movies is that they generally have to be concise. Some of the best thoughts in the book weren't in the movie, which was disappointing.

Here's the thing: I found Elizabeth Gilbert to be aggravating, narcissistic, and somewhat infantile. By that I mean that she didn't fully develop as a person until the journey of the story. That made it really hard to care about her and want to find out if she would evolve.

There are women who don't seem able to define themselves other than as an extension of a man. Starting in high school, they move from one boyfriend to another, never alone for more than a week or two. EG is one of these women, stunted in growth, molding themselves into the image of each man. How can you care about someone who isn't really a person but a reflection?

I applaud her for realizing she needed to change and find herself. Swearing off relationships and sex was exactly what she needed to learn who she was. The whole 4 months each in Italy, India and Bali? A little indulgent, but if she had the means, why not? Most people don't have that luxury. And one certainly doesn't need to go to such extremes.

One of the best lines in the movie is when Julie Roberts (as EG) is talking to Sofi who is concerned about the weight she has gained. She says something to the effect of has any man ever complained about her body? Probably not because he thinks he's won the lottery if he has a naked woman. This is so true!

There are a couple of ideas in the book that I really liked.

Ketut explains about having a special meditation that will take him up seven levels. He also has another that will take him down seven levels. EG's assumption is that the first will take him to heaven and the second to hell, but he explains that they both will take him to heaven, just different ways. Basically, we all end up in the same place, but we choose our path. Heaven and hell are of our own making.

She also has an interesting method of talking to 'god' (really just herself) by writing in a notebook. I like the simplicity. It's a wonderful way to tap into the better part of herself, learning that she has some answers - you know, god helps he (or she) who helps himself. And the story she tells in Italy about a man who prays before a statue of a saint to please, please, please let him win the lottery only to have the statue some to life one day and ask the man to please, please, please buy a ticket.... well, it's all about the same thing. Relying on some deity to solve our problems isn't going to do it. We need to help ourselves.

I'm sure there is much I'm forgetting. I wish I could make it to book club and talk about the book.

Not just a housewife

I've been reading "The Feminine Mystique"by Betty Friedan. I haven't finished yet, but it has really made me think, and that's a good thing. There is some criticism of the book, but some of it resonates with me.

The basic gist is that after WWII, women were encouraged to go back into the home, leaving jobs for the men. Many forces aligned to convince women that their sole role in life was to be wives and mothers, that destiny was determined by gender. By 1963 when the book was published, many women suffered from neuroses and felt trapped by their role. The focus is middle class white women.

Some things that stick in my mind from the first 11 chapters, then.

A thesis for the book might be that limiting anyone's potential as a human being can be disastrous. Yes, it is primarily about forcing women (through psychological means, conditioning, limiting options, etc) to be housewives and the consequences of that. But whether you look at the narrow view of making women less than full participants in society or any other way of limiting someone (through poverty, slavery, caste, whatever), the message is the same. Think of all the achievements we will never know because someone was told they couldn't do something.

An entire chapter is devoted to the idea that housework expands to fill the time available. The housewives interviewed ended up bored out of their skulls, as cleaning a house doesn't require much brain power. I know I get bored sometimes. I hate cleaning. But I also know that staying home until the boys are in school is a temporary thing. I also make time to do things for myself. I do some part-time work; I write; I am on the Starrynight Productions staff.... The point is, I am a lot more than just a housewife.

One chapter discusses a phenomenon during WWII where some men were found to not qualify to serve in the armed forces because they had been pampered so much by their mothers they were incapable of functioning as adults. The mothers in these cases apparently had so little self-identity that they lived through their children. There were also some studies showing that children whose mothers worked or had some outside life were generally better adjusted.

I have long maintained that moms need to have an identity other than mom. How can we teach our children to be individuals, to be self-sufficient, to follow their passions, if we don't do the same? Children learn what they see. It doesn't matter if you work outside the home or stay home full-time; have a life of your own and you will be a better mom. If you live through your children, what happens when they grow up? Eventually we all have to face life. The sooner we do, the healthier we are.

There is a very interesting chapter on advertising geared toward the housewife and how advertisers began to target girls younger and younger so that by the time they married (often very young) they were already brand loyal. Think about the advertising now, targeting preschoolers. If the question was raised 50 years ago as to whether advertising to teenagers was too young and manipulative, what of advertising now?

It's interesting that the Kinsey reports are cited several times, especially living here in Bloomington. Looking back on the way things were and seeing how much or how little things have changed is really fascinating. Because some things have changed (women are encouraged to work, to get an education, to become full citizens) and how much they haven't (some employers still discriminate against women, some things are still seen as women's work). I think one of the best things now is that we all can make our choices. We can choose careers, or stay home, or do a little of both. And our husbands can make the same choices.

Really, I recommend anyone to read this book. I'm using it for a bit of research for a short play I'm writing, but I'm learning a lot. I keep finding things to talk to Chris about, ideas that need fleshing out. Understanding something that has been a huge influence, that is still referenced, is important.

I want to be a paperback writer

With my apologies to the Beatles for using their song in the title.

I decided to try my hand at NaNoWriMo this year. It's only the second day and the going is slow, but I'd like to use this as motivation to try to pull a story from my head and put it on paper. Or computer, as the case may be.

It may wind up being utter crap, but at least I'm giving it a try. The piece I'm working on is a fantasy. I don't have a title yet, and I'm not sure exactly where the story is going, but it's fun and terrible and everything in between to try.

I hope I make the 50000 word goal and get my nifty certificate. But if not, at least I'll have something.