House Eller

A one-car family

2012-02-16T16:27:00.002-05:00

We are a one-car family. Will we ever get a 2nd car? We plan to, eventually. Is it easy? It takes some work and compromise. Is it hard? In a town with decent bus service, not terrible.

We made the decision before we had kids to downsize to one car. At the time, it made a lot of sense. We were both working at the university so we could carpool. The bus to campus went past our neighborhood, making it easy for us to use public transportation. The walk home wasn't that bad and was good exercise. Paying for insurance and registration on a 2nd car just wasn't cost effective.

That was 7 or 8 years ago. These days, with me at home with the kids and Chris going to work every day, it takes some planning. We have to compromise. Sometimes the boys and I are limited to places within walking or busing distance. Sometimes we trade the car partway through the day. Sometimes Chris has to plan his schedule around when he has the car.

Want to know what is within walking or busing distance? Quite a lot. We have walked to the park, the mall, the book store, campus. We have taken the bus downtown, to the library, to campus, to a friend's house. Yes, there are places we can't get to easily, but it's amazing how far we can go if we're willing to plan. (Summer is harder with the reduced bus schedule. Once an hour limits us quite a bit.)

We do plan to eventually get a 2nd car. It will make it easier with the boys being in school and having after school activities. As they get older, it is likely we'll be ferrying them around more. But for now, Chris and I usually know where the other is and we get to see each other more often than we normally would. The times during the week when we trade the car are an extra bonus time for us. And for the boys to see Daddy. We aren't just two cars passing as we come and go.

Happy I love you more day

2012-02-14T11:48:00.001-05:00

Today is Valentine's Day. Chris and I don't make a big deal out of this day. Really, if we want a day to celebrate our relationship, we'll pick our anniversary. It's much more meaningful.

Having one day to celebrate love sounds like a good idea, but what about the other 364 days (365 this year)? And shouldn't the day we celebrate love have a reason?

Maybe I'm jaded. Ok, I am, a little.

Do you remember in high school when the boosters club sold carnations that were delivered in class? So everyone could see just how loved (read: popular) someone was? And how the same few girls got flowers in every class, while the rest of us looked on in envy?

Yeah, I didn't get any carnations. Even though anyone could send a carnation to anyone else, it was usually the boys sending them to their girlfriends and a few popular girls sending them to each other.

In high school, it was humiliating. No Valentine to send me flowers. Sigh.

Once out of high school, I noticed the same pattern unfolding: Valentine's Day has become a competition to see who loves whom the most. The sincere lovers tend to be quiet.

Go watch a few commercials pushing Valentine's Day gifts: buy her jewelry because you need to spend a fortune to prove your love and flowers aren't good enough! or you must buy roses to be delivered at work so all her coworkers can be jealous! or come have a romantic dinner with special foods, including all these aphrodisiacs because you must have the best sex of your life tonight!

What is with all this pressure? The day to day little things mean so much more than any grand gesture. At least to me. Love doesn't come in a box, even when the box if full of chocolates.

So if Valentine's Day makes you happy, have a wonderful day filled with heart-shaped presents. But remember that there are loads of us out here (and not just singles) who just don't care all that much. If someone doesn't have a date or big plans, if flowers don't get delivered, it's ok.

The best Valentine? Loving yourself.

Take a stand

2012-02-13T14:58:00.000-05:00

I didn't watch the Grammy awards last night. I had better things to watch and don't really know much of the current music.

Last night and this morning, I've been reading the Twitter/Facebook reactions to an abuser getting applauded for winning an award and the frightening comments young girls were making regarding him.

There have been several good articles written about this. I'd like to point to a few:

From Kveller, Why Are We Applauding Chris Brown
Shared by Cineboobs, readitordont Really, look at this one if you need a reminder of what he is capable of. The picture of Rihanna's face is sobering.
From HelloGiggles, I'm Not Okay with Chris Brown Performing at the Grammys and I'm Not Sure Why You Are - And this is the best-written piece I have seen about what exactly was wrong with the whole situation. Really, if you only read one, read this one.

Want to know something I've noticed? It isn't just this incident. It isn't just this trend of sweeping domestic abuse under the rug, blaming the woman for "earning" the beating and forgiving the abuser.

Pop culture is actually lauding abusive relationships, showcasing them as romantic.

Yeah, I went overboard on drawing your attention to that statement, but that's because it's all too sadly true. It's scary, too, because too many young people are learning that this is acceptable behavior.

I mean, it's nothing new. In the 60s we had The Graduate, in which Dustin Hoffman's character is a stalker, but it isn't painted that way. The movie won several Oscars. In the 80s we had Every Breath You Take, a song which even Sting recognizes as a dark, stalker-y song. And it gets played at weddings with regularity. Yeah, and that song won a couple of Grammys too.

Those are just examples off the top of my head.

Nowadays we have Twilight, perhaps one of the worst examples of glorifying sick, twisted, stalker and abusive behavior. I know there are other examples, but this one is the juggernaut, with not just teens but grown women lusting after the characters.

Disclaimer: I enjoyed the books - well, the 1st three, anyway. I recognized the problems in them, and the terrible writing, but was able to enjoy the story. I'm also an adult in a healthy relationship who can separate fantasy from reality.

I've seen the way teens talk about these books, wishing for relationships like the ones portrayed there. And it frightens me that a whole generation is going to think sick relationships are normal.

Then I see the tweets during last night's Grammys, where girls actually claim to want to be beaten.

And I immediately think about Twilight. And this article from the Science of Relationships, or this analysis of Bella and Edward's abusive relationship from io9, or this commentary from Feministing on how Abusive is the New Sexy, or this post about how the Twilight vampires resemble sexual predators.

There are many, many more examples I could point to, but think about this trend. And then think about your reaction to the books and/or movies. And what message you want young men and women to take from them.

And then think about real life situations and whether you applauded Chris Brown last night or were disgusted. Do you know anyone who has been in an abusive relationship? Would you stand up for them? Or would you stand back, claiming to be impartial, but intimating that "she must have earned it"?

The dog finder

2012-02-07T16:04:00.000-05:00

I like dogs. I just don't want to own one. I like our cats: they are independent yet cuddly, low maintenance, and don't escape. Usually. Of our three cats, one generally won't even venture out if invited because he knows he has a good thing here.

Then there are our neighbors' dogs.

They like to escape. Not just one neighbor's. Several neighbors'. I've caught 4 different neighbors' dogs running around in the last 6 or so months.

I guess I'm a dog finder.

The latest incident was today when a small black and white dog came running up to my car as I was driving down the street. She had been walking in the street in front of her house. I carefully pulled over and she ran right up to me. No one was home, so I called the number on her tag (I'm so glad she had a tag!) and left a message. I knocked on the next door neighbor's door to see if she knew if the dog was usually just in the back yard. Together we found a chain in the back to tie the dog to. (The owner called about half an hour later.)

Last week I found a dog wandering through yards a couple blocks away. I stopped to check, thinking it was a dog I recognized. He wasn't, but he also had a tag (yay!). I called the number and met the owner 3 houses down. He was very happy to walk along with me to his home. I did get to meet a neighbor I had only had email contact with previously, so that was nice.

Several times in recent months, I have found another neighbor's dog wandering in someone's yard. When I stop, he turns and runs home. He has a habit of jumping the fence and exploring.

Last summer our next door neighbors' dogs, 3 big dogs, somehow escaped while they were on vacation. Luckily I had a way to contact their dog sitter who came to help round them up. Two were hanging around the front yard, waiting to be let back in, but the 3rd had wandered down the block. We still don't know how they got out.

Over the 8 years we've lived here, there have been other neighbor dogs who have gotten out. I often recognize them, but not all are easy to catch or coax home.

One thing I have noticed is that the dogs tend to walk in the street or right along the edge of the street when they get out. I guess it's because they are trained to walk there. We don't have sidewalks in the neighborhood, so people walk their dogs in the street. I'm just glad I've been able to get so many dogs back home without a car hitting them.

on science in science classrooms

2012-01-31T17:54:00.000-05:00

The Indiana Senate just passed a SB 0089 which allows public schools to teach creationism in science class as long as they teach origin of life theories from multiple religions. The bill now goes to the House, where hopefully saner heads will prevail.

We've been sent back to the 1950s.

I have a few thoughts on this bit of legislation.

1) If you subscribe to any particular religion, you should absolutely defend the separation of church and state rather than argue that "it doesn't exist". The whole point of that idea is to protect religions from state interference. Why do so many forget that? And only when it is convenient. Is it ok to push a particular religion? If you are Christian and answer "yes" when it is yours but are disgusted by theocracies elsewhere in the world, think about what that means. Just remember that when a particular religion is protected, other religions suffer. You could be on the losing end.

2) Creationism is not science. Please don't argue that "evolution is just a theory" unless you really understand what a scientific theory is. Hint: it means a hypothesis has been proven. Think Theory of Relativity. Science uses particular methods to investigate how things happen. Creationism has not been tested using scientific methods. Is it a valid subject? In certain classes, yes. Not in science class.

3) Science tries to answer "how". Religion explores "why". These are different questions. The Theory of Evolution explains the process by which living things have developed. It actually isn't in conflict with creationism. This is why the Pope and Catholic Church, for example, endorses evolution as the process God used to create the world. (Science doesn't care if there is a Supreme Being pushing the buttons.)

4) For an interesting fictional take on the argument, I suggest Chapter 9, Cosmos, in Piers Anthony's For Eternity. This is the 7th book in the Incarnations of Immortality series. I highly recommend the entire series, but this chapter in particular is a trial of science (evolution and the Big Bang theory) vs. religion (Creationism). Of particular note is that the Biblical "day" can be interpreted as "as long as the stage took". Because does God really follow an Earth day? Or would God have his own timeline?

So about teaching creation is science? It's not science. It isn't in conflict with science, but it isn't science. It doesn't belong in science class. As part of social studies, history, theology, or a variety of other classes? Absolutely, as long as other religious viewpoints are included. Because the place for true religious doctrine to be taught is at home or in church or mosque or synagogue or whatever religious institution subscribes to that religion. (Even if you are Christian, do you trust that YOUR particular brand of Christianity will be taught? Because it just might be another group's viewpoint that is given.)

January goal assessment

2012-01-30T17:07:00.000-05:00

At the beginning of the month I posted about 5 goals I have for this year. To keep me on track, I plan to post my progress each month. January ends tomorrow, so here is this month's assessment:

Goal 1 is to finish my novel. I didn't get nearly as far as I had hoped this month. Writing when the boys are around it difficult (they entertain themselves just fine until I try to do something) and this was a month with few opportunities to write in peace. My writing time is Tuesday and Thursday when the boys are in school - and they were home more often than planned due to school closure or illness. I need to make more time. I finished a revision of chapter 12 and am working on chapter 13, which I hope to finish by tomorrow.

Goal 2 is to finish our screenplay. I haven't touched this in months because I'm pushing through on the novel. I have a hard time concentrating on multiple projects at once so my writing suffers. I likely won't make progress on this for a couple more months until the novel is done, unless I need to take a break.

Goal 3 is to read 40 books this year. I'm ahead on this goal, having read 6 books so far. Sick time has helped here and I fully expect the summer and holiday season to slow me down, so it's probably good that I'm ahead right now.

Goal 4 is to see at least 1 movie at the IU Cinema each month. In January, we went to "Being Elmo", so this goal has been accomplished for the month.

Goal 5 is to visit a state park each month. We went to McCormick's Creek State Park early in January, thus making this goal for the month.

All in all, I'm pretty happy with my progress. I know where my weakness is (making time to write) so I can work on correcting that.

I also have awesome friends

2012-01-27T11:23:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I wrote about my awesome husband. Last night a group of my friends proved just how awesome they are.

I hosted the monthly book club for my moms group last night. About an hour before it was to start, Wil, who had seemed to skate through this last illness, complained he wasn't feeling good. No wonder, as he had developed a fever. Knowing Chris was capable of taking care of the boys, I went ahead with book club (the boys would be either downstairs or upstairs from where we were meeting).

Cue delightful book club wherein everyone talked about a book we all enjoyed and talk eventually turned to other topics.

And just as the first "I should get home" noises were being made, the sound of coughing (horrible sound from Wil; he had croup as a baby and his cough has always sounded a little "croupy" ever since) and crying started upstairs. Since I was closer, I went up to check just in time for Wil to throw up - in bed.

Amanda and Allison got Chris to come help. The whole group started picking up the dishes and food, even rinsing stuff and loading the dishwasher. The living room and dining room were immaculate by the time I came downstairs. And then the 6 women left (but not a hasty retreat; just a "we should go so you can deal with your sick child and it was time to go anyway" departure).

Do you have friends who will clean up your kitchen in a pinch? I learned last night that I do. Sometimes it's the little things.

I have an awesome husband

2012-01-26T17:01:00.000-05:00

Today I met two friends, also mothers of young children, for lunch. We try to do this once a month, usually when all the kids are in school so we can have grown-up talk.

It almost didn't happen this time. The boys have both been home sick all week. One of the women was also dealing with a sick child (he's feeling better and back in school today). The other friend was sick last week....

When Chris came home last night, I told him I had canceled my lunch plans because the boys would be home once again. He looked at his schedule for today and told me to email back that I'd be there - as long as I could get him back to work by 1:30.

He squeezed in coming home for lunch today, between meetings, because he wanted me to be able to go to lunch.

Yep, he rearranged his schedule as much as possible because having grown-up time and getting out of the house and friends are all important. Especially when I've been stuck in the house all week with sick kids. Who are feeling better today. I know this because they've been fighting. (It's been a rather quiet week around here. As much as I've enjoyed that, I am kind of glad for the battles because it means they feel more like themselves.)

Tonight I host this month's book club for my moms group. I scheduled this before Chris started learning the bagpipes. Yep, his bagpipe group meets on Thursday nights. And he's staying home so I don't have to deal with the kids while trying to have a discussion about this month's book (Circle of Friends by Maeve Binchy).

Can I point out that this is normal in our house? And I hope it is normal in other houses. That Dad stays home and parents while Mom goes out sometimes. Just like Mom stays home and parents while Dad is out at work or playing bagpipes. We both have things we like to do (I have my writing group and book club; Chris has his bagpipes and movie-making). We both make time for each other to pursue those interests. Sometimes there are time conflicts, in which case one of us changes plans or we hire a babysitter for the evening.

Because it's important.

I've heard other moms comment that Dad was home 'babysitting'. Or Mom cancels her plans when the kids are sick because, even though Dad will be home, she has to 'be there'. Those are things Chris and I have worked very hard to not have in our house. Chris doesn't babysit, he parents. And he would be insulted if you said he was babysitting. He can take care of sick kids just as well as I can (sometimes better since he deals with puke better than I do).

Besides being good for our relationship, I think it's good that our boys are seeing this too. They see that Daddy can take care of them. Yes, he does things differently than I do, but that's ok. He's showing the boys that men are capable. That being a dad is important. that kids aren't just for the women to deal with.

And that's the best lesson they could learn.

When kids are sick

2012-01-23T15:50:00.000-05:00

There are few things that make you feel more helpless than having sick kids. It's worst when they are infants, when they can't tell you what's wrong. Plus they are so small and vulnerable.

As they get bigger, they can tell you what hurts and that they don't feel good. But I, at least, still feel a powerless in the face of a puking 3 year old. As spasms wrack his little body, he sobs, wanting Mommy to make it better. And there's not much I can do but help him aim into the toilet.

My sick baby, on his 2nd nap and 2nd set of pajamas.

Whether they have a fever or a bad cold and congestion or a stomach ailment, there isn't much I can do except cuddle them. And love them.

In which Chris sees what I see

2012-01-08T12:50:00.001-05:00

In September, National Geographic Magazine had an article about machisma, female empowerment, and Brazil's falling birthrate. The article explores the link between increased access to television (and telenovelas) and increased education/lower birthrate as more Brazilians aspire to a middle class lifestyle. It's really quite interesting.

The January issue contains letters from readers in regards to the story. There are only 3 letters printed about this story, but something struck me immediately about them. I handed the magazine to Chris and asked him to read them. Without telling him why.

He saw the same thing I did.

The 3 letters are all written by men. All 3 poo-poo the idea that change is happening or even a good thing. They are full of patriarchal misogyny.

I wish I could find a link to the letters online.

They made me sad. And angry. This is the problem: blatant sexism is easy to recognize; the status quo not so much. People who think things are fine and don't see a reason for them to change, who don't understand that there is a patriarchy and that women should have rights, are hard to convince.

When you hear someone make rude remarks about women staying in the kitchen, it's easy to fight that. And it's easy for others to see how wrong their remarks are.

When someone remarks, in regards to a story like this, that "riches and glamour are the new despots, not ancestral values and gentle reason", they are saying only men can be reasonable. Only men are capable of determining where a country should go and how many kids a woman should have and what kind of lifestyle is appropriate.

And that's what is wrong with these letters. They all imply that the gains women have made, deciding when and how many kids they will have, choosing more education, are unimportant.

I read feminist blogs. I'm aware of little things (although I don't see as many as some feminists). Chris doesn't and he still found those letters disturbing. Now, he has a feminist bent (I wouldn't have married him if he didn't). But he's not as in tune with the issues. And he saw what I saw.

Goals not resolutions

2012-01-04T17:37:00.000-05:00

I don't like New Year's resolutions. They never work. But I do have a few goals for this year that I hope to accomplish.

Finish my novel. I didn't finish revisions last year, but I am very close and am determined to do it this year. I am a slow writer, but I need to make more time to sit and write. I get distracted by all the other things I want to do much too easily. My writing group has helped a lot by having deadlines to finish a chapter or two.
Finish our screenplay. I have a draft, but it needs polishing. It's a little spare right now, about 10 minutes. I want to expand it to 15 or 20 minutes. I have joined the Bloomington Screenwriting Community to help motivate me.
I am taking the Goodreads 2012 Reading Challenge. My goal is to read 40 books this year. I read 36 last year (according to their statistics) and have already completed 1 for this year. I guess I'm off to a good start.
Chris and I are going to try to see at least 1 movie each month at the world class IU Cinema. We're already planning to see Being Elmo this weekend and Oscar Nominated Shorts - Live Action and Oscar Nominated Shorts - Animated in February.
Visit a state park once per month. I ordered our state park pass online yesterday and it was shipped today. It may be difficult during the winter months, but we'll try as many months as possible, weather permitting, to visit a state park. Within a very short distance we have several, including Brown County State Park, Lake Monroe, McCormick's Creek, Lake Lemon, Spring Mill State Park.... We need to explore them all!

What are your goals for the year?

10 years ago

2011-12-31T09:41:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time, on a New Years Eve, a man and a woman met.

It was December 31, 2001. The man drove from Bloomington to his high school friend's house in West Lafayette. The woman drove from the Chicago suburbs to her friend's house in - yep, West Lafayette. It was dark, there was a time change, she missed a turn and so was frazzled and late when she arrived.

Spaghetti was already on the table, but the group was welcoming. There was the friend and the couple... and the man and the woman. Who talked and talked and talked late into the night.

And then emails were exchanged. The rest, as they say, is history. A short 15 1/2 months after meeting, we got married.

So Happy Anniversary to my love on this, our 10th anniversary of meeting.

End of a journey

2011-12-16T14:56:00.001-05:00

When Wil was 9 months old, Chris went back to school. He had found a Masters program he was interested in.

Now, 4 1/2 years later, he will graduate tomorrow.

While still in the same department, Telecom, he changed concentrations along the way, finding something (3D video production) even more interesting. Even better, it fits with what he does at work. And has opened opportunities. He enjoys working with 3D and he'll get to teach it this spring.

This isn't a very long blog post, but I wanted to say, "Congratulations. We're proud of you."

The real Santa

2011-12-13T17:35:00.005-05:00

Our boys believe in Santa. And I'm glad.

Some people think it's awful to teach children about Santa because it is lying to them.

I disagree. Because Santa is real.

Is he a strange man in a red suit who lives at the North Pole, making toys with elves, flying around the world on Christmas Eve with a sleigh full of toys? Well, I'll leave that to you to decide.

Is Santa an idea? Absolutely. He's a marvelous idea. He's something in all of us. If you haven't read the famous response to the simple question "Is there a Santa Claus?" from The Sun, take a moment to do so.

We're teaching our boys to believe in Santa Claus... but we're also trying to teach them how to be Santa. And that's the important thing to me.

A few weeks ago, we bought some shower gel and a pouf as part of "Be a Santa to a Senior". And we bought a cute outfit for a little girl as part of our neighborhood sponsoring a family. Sam in particular had a really fun time picking the clothes (a sparkly lavender sweater, long sleeve t-shirt to go under, cords, and matching socks). They helped pick a toy for each of 2 kids for another angel tree program through Chris's work.

Beyond helping people they don't know, which helps teach them compassion and kindness, and caring for everyone, they like picking presents for people they do know. Wil picked the color yarn for the scarf I knit his teacher. They came up with ideas for a gift for Daddy (Chris). When I shop for our niece and nephew and a few other kids in the family, they will help me pick presents.

So what will we tell them when they eventually ask? We'll tell them the truth. And the truth isn't that adults lie, but that sometimes we pretend. And that Santa is real, just not what they thought. And then we'll let them in on the fun of being Santa and knowing it.

So is there a Santa? I think so. Absolutely. We're all Santa. If you read it in The Sun, it's true.

A Giftmas story

2011-12-09T13:35:00.000-05:00

It was coming. It was coming fast. Only 16 more shopping days before it would be time once again to celebrate the holiest of holy holidays: Giftmas.

The season of getting was in full swing, with people rushing to the malls, charging into stores, frantically clicking 'buy' online, all in the hopes of getting a great deal. It didn't matter what they were buying; all that mattered was that it was 50% off.

"Ooh! That thingamawhatchacallit is on sale! Only $29.99! I must buy it," Joe shouted into the empty room. Glancing up at the sound of his voice echoing, he frowned.

Feeling lonely, he turned on his favorite Giftmas music. Maybe that would help chase the feeling of emptiness away.

We wish you a merry Giftmas. We wish you a merry Giftmas. We wish you a merry Giftmas and a happy new haul!

Switching back to the thingamawhatchacallit, he clicked his mouse button, hoping he could complete his purchase before the price went back up. He wasn't sure who he would give it to. But that didn't matter. The point was he had to buy it.

As his purchase completed, he heard a chime as the confirmation email hit his inbox. Opening the message, he saw three little words he hadn't noticed before: "All sales final."

His stomach clenched. With a frown he read and reread the email. He looked down at the credit card sitting on the desk in front of him. Glancing back at the screen, the words jumped out at him again: "ALL SALES FINAL".

All I want for giftmas is a lot of toys, a lot of toys, a lot of toys. All I want for Giftmas is a lot of toys, then I'll have a merry Giftmas.

Suddenly sweating a little, he opened a new browser page. Logging in to his credit card account, he blanched at the balance. It was higher than he had thought. "Crap."

Why had he wanted to buy that thingamawhatchacallit? He didn't need it. He couldn't think of anyone to give it to. He thought back on all the stuff in the mail on its way to him now. None of it seemed worth buying. It was all just stuff. His head fell into his hands, dark thoughts whirling through his mind.

I'm dreaming of a bright Giftmas, with toys and games and more for me. Where the ribbons sparkle, and paper crinkles, with bows on every box I see.

Raising his head with resolve, Joe shut down his computer. He wasn't sure what he would do with all the stuff he had bought, but he knew he was done. He couldn't afford to buy, buy, buy. He didn't need more things. He needed to be less alone. And that wasn't going to happen sitting here in an empty room.

This is just a fiction piece that came to mind when I thought about how much Christmas seems to be turning into Giftmas.

My Christmas playlist

2011-11-30T18:43:00.000-05:00

I admit it: I have a lot of Christmas music. I like Christmas music. Some songs or albums have memories. Some I just like. Some are new discoveries. Some are golden oldies.

Albums:

All-Star Christmas (various) I think this is the only album I have with "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" by Elmo & Patsy.
Arthur Fiedler's Christmas Pops (Boston Pops Orchestra) Orchestras just have a way with Christmas music.
A Charlie Brown Christmas (Vince Guaraldi) Is it even Christmas without Charlie Brown?
Chex Holiday Classics vol. 3 (various) I got this one free in a Chex cereal box a number of years ago.
The Chipmunk Song (The Chipmunks) This is the only song I have from their Christmas album. I generally find them annoying, but this one is a classic.
A Christmas Album (Michael Crawford) He's best known for playing the Phantom in London and on Broadway. The man can sing.
Christmas at Home (Donny Osmond) I admit I love Donny Osmond. Is that wrong? Some songs I've never heard anywhere else include "Who Took the Mary Out of Christmas" and "The Kid in Me".
Christmas Cheers (Straight No Chaser) The original group from IU, singing their a capella versions of Christmas songs, including the studio version of "The Twelve Days of Christmas".
The Christmas I Love (André Rieu) I have fond memories of seeing André Rieu in concert with my grandma. He leads a fabulous Strauß orchestra.
Christmas Songs of the Season (various) I don't know if they still do, but Kohl's used to sell a Christmas album every year to benefit their Kohl's Cares for Kids charity. This is the version from 2000.
A Christmas Together (John Denver and the Muppets) I so wish they would release the special this is from on DVD. I love this album. Some of my favorites include the medley with "Alfie, The Christmas Tree", "The Peace Carol", "The Twelve Days of Christmas" (one of few versions of this song I like), the story of "Silent Night" and they sing the first verse in the original German, "When the River Meets the Sea", "The Christmas Wish".
Elvis Presley Christmas Duets (Elvis and various) Just what it sounds like: artists did duets with recordings of Elvis.
Elvis' Christmas Album (Elvis Presley) This is an older album that only has 12 songs. There used to be a lot of versions with the songs just in different orders.
Get Music - Holiday (various) I got this free online years ago.
Holiday Pops (Keith Lockhart and the Boston Pops Orchestra) I admit it: I'm a Keith Lockhart fan.
Holiday Sing Along with Mitch (Mitch Miller and the Gang) I grew up listening to this one. If you want a Christmas album with easy to sing along with tunes, this is the one to get.
Holiday Spirits (Straight No Chaser) Yep, I have both of their Christmas albums. Their version of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" is one of the few I like. (I hate that song.)
If Every Day Was Like Christmas (Elvis) I'd have a "Blue Christmas" without Elvis, and this is his complete Christmas recordings.
Listen! It's Christmas (Johnny Mathis and CeCe Winans) This was offered by Hallmark a number of years ago. Johnny Mathis is another one I can't have Christmas without.
Merry Christmas (Bing Crosby) When I bought the album, it was called Merry Christmas but is apparently now White Christmas. Bing is a classic. You can't have Christmas without Bing. Some songs here you won't hear elsewhere include "Christmas in Killarney" and "Mele Kalikimaka" and "Adeste Fideles" in the original French ("O Come All Ye Faithful"). And of course he does his most famous one: "White Christmas".
Music of Christmas (IHM Choral) This is an album made by the choral group at my mom's high school.
Now That's What I Call Christmas (various) A mix of old and new - some of my favorites are Nat King Cole singing "The Christmas Song", Bing Crosby & David Bowie singing "Little Drummer Boy/Peace of Earth", John & Yoko and the Plastic Ono Band singing "Happy Christmas", "Merry Christmas Darling" by the Carpenters, Gloria Estefan's "Love on Layaway", Burl Ives singing "Holly Jolly Christmas"... I could go on.
Platinum Christmas (various) Modern pop stars sing Christmas songs.
Snoopy's Christmas (The Royal Guardsmen) Snoopy faces the Red Baron on Christmas. It's a classic.
A Soap Opera Christmas (various) Essential for any soap fans from the mid-90s.
That Christmas Swing (Dave Williamson Big Band and Singers) I love big band music. I love swing music. I love big band swing Christmas music.
These Are Special Times (Celine Dion) Yes, I have her Christmas album. Got a problem with that?
Twisted Christmas (Bob Rivers) This is for when I need something irreverent. There are several albums in the series, but I only have the one. "Joy to the World" on electric guitar should be a classic. Seriously, that track alone is worth the album. One day I may pick up I Am Santa Claus if only for "O Little Town of Bethlehem" set to the tune of "House of the Rising Sun" (it fits perfectly, thus enhancing the irony.)
Ultimate Christmas (The Beach Boys) Yep, love the Beach Boys. "Little Saint Nick" is now a classic, but it was on the young, hip side of this album (the other side is more traditional) when it was released.
When My Heart Finds Christmas (Harry Connick, Jr.) My favorite original tracks are "When My Heart Finds Christmas" and "(It Must Have Been Ol') Santa Claus"
25 (Chicago) I love horn rock. Even at Christmas.

Amazingly, with 440 songs, there are still three albums I miss. Alabama Christmas and Christmas II, and Kenny Rogers Christmas were perennial favorites growing up and I still miss those. Maybe one day I'll have them.

So what are your favorite Christmas songs and albums? Is there anything "must have" that's missing from my collection?

The God of Black Friday?

2011-11-26T13:21:00.000-05:00

I've been reading headlines and listening to radio stories about Black Friday. And they make me ill.

Here's a sampling:

Sharp elbows: Shoppers scuffle on Black Friday
Violence mars some Black Friday shopping events
Black Friday warriors: They just keep on shopping
Woman pepper sprays other Black Friday shoppers

All the violence, all in the name of good deals, is horrifying. I hope those people who did fight and use pepper spray are ashamed of themselves, but they probably won't be. All they will see is that they beat the other guy and saved a lot of money.

The one line that sticks out the most is from the third article linked above: "They shop straight through the night, fueled either by caffeine or just the thrill of the almighty discount."

Now, I'm not a religious person, but where is the Christian Right on this issue? They spend so much time telling everyone else how to live their lives, insisting that Jesus is the answer. They thump their Bibles when it suits them, but they aren't offended by that one statement.

What about that statement sticks out? If you didn't catch it, they have compared discounts to God. Go look up "almighty"; I'll wait here.

Is stuff really worth all that? If this is supposedly a Christian nation (it isn't, but that's the argument from certain corners), where is the outrage that people are so consumed by consumerism, that the spirit of Christmas has been lost in a gluttonous haze of things and more things?

I forgot: the same folks who shove their Bibles down everyone's throat conveniently forget that same book when it comes to defending capitalism and the "almighty dollar". Because they can worship both their God (and Jesus) and money.

Besides all that, the "need" to get everything at the lowest price at the expense of family (leaving holiday gatherings to shop), of decency (pepper spraying other shoppers, elbowing, pushing, fighting), is beyond my comprehension. There are plenty of sales. They don't require agressive behavior. They don't mean people get robbed at gun point in the parking lot by someone who wants to get an even better deal (see the second article linked above).

I guess if it were just consumerism, I would watch in bafflement, as I usually have, wondering why anyone would want to go fight the crowds to save a few dollars. The violence of the last several years just makes the whole Black Friday tradition disgusting to me.

A Thanksgiving visitor

2011-11-25T14:07:00.000-05:00

Ah, Thanksgiving morning. Time to make the mashed potatoes, our contribution to the holiday dinner. I settle the boys with some cartoons while they eat breakfast, giving myself a peaceful kitchen.

As I step to the sink to begin washing the potatoes, I look out the window and see a deer munching on some leaves.

6 point buck having breakfast

Now, our backyard is fenced. Three sides have 6' wooden fencing, but the back is just chain link. Deer have never jumped the fence - the pickings are too easy elsewhere.

In amazement, I walk to the dining room, raising the shades to get a better look. I startle him.

Isn't he beautiful?

He's a six-point buck. A blacktail deer? He watches me watch him, eventually deciding I'm not an immediate danger. I notice he is favoring his right hind leg, walking on three. He probably hurt it jumping the fence. Now why would he jump it? Was something chasing him?

There aren't many options when an injured deer is in your yard on Thanksgiving. Everything is closed. We don't want to call the police to take care of it. He can stay, at least for today. We'd rather not start the holiday with a bang.

He found a safe place.

I fear his leg is broken, but maybe it's just sprained. He seems to be ok other than that. He walks across the yard, finding a sheltered place to rest. We open the gate, giving him a way to leave when he's ready.

When we come home that night, he has moved to a new spot in the yard. He seems to like it here.

He rests here, protected.

He's gone now. He was back in his favored place this morning. I tried to put some water out for him, thinking he might need some. I stayed well away, but still spooked him. He jumped the fence, still limping, and left.

I hope he's ok. I hope he heals and lives a long life. At least we gave him a chance. And if he doesn't make it, he'll go back to nature, into the natural cycle of things.

But this Thanksgiving, we had a visitor.

I am thankful for...

2011-11-23T21:36:00.001-05:00

There are many, many things to be thankful for on this Thanksgiving Eve. Before I start my list, grade school style, there are two thoughts I would like to share. First, LeVar Burton tweeted this earlier today: gratitude = grateful + attitude Second, I've read a lot of posts in the last few days with tips for surviving Thanksgiving with the family. And I find it sad that family is something to be endured for so many people. Maybe we're boring, but I am so glad our family avoids all the drama, that we get along and can have a good time without reminders to "be respectful". So here's my Thanksgiving survival guide: Remember that this is your family. If everyone can do that, no one has to go home in tears. Unfortunately it seems there are a lot of people who forget this and make each other's lives miserable. So, this Thanksgiving I am thankful for a caring family, a great bunch of wonderful friends, our reasonably good health (Chris's current cold is minor compared to what we could face), a home that is more than a roof over our heads, Chris having a job he likes, being able to pay our bills, Chris finishing his degree this semester, our loving cats. I am so grateful we have opportunities to do what we love and that, when things go wrong, we can remind ourselves that they are first world problems. I am thankful we can afford to put food on the table, that our kids have shoes and warm coats and a safe place to sleep at night. There are so many things to be thankful for, but I think that's a pretty good list. Happy Thanksgiving!

Giraffe cake adventure

2011-11-19T20:57:00.000-05:00

Wil loves giraffes. This year for his birthday, he wanted a giraffe cake. As any good parent would, I searched online for a giraffe cake pan.

Did you know giraffe cake pans are hard to find? There is the Wilton generic animal face pan, which is discontinued, but still to be found on eBay. And you can download directions on how to decorate it as just about any animal, including giraffes.

But that wasn't good enough. Because Wil saw a full body giraffe cake pan and wanted that. So I ordered it.

Imagine my surprise when I saw how tiny the pan is.

Yep, I didn't read the description thoroughly. The cake pan is not much bigger than a cupcake.

On to plan B. What can you do when you realize your cake pan is not right and the birthday party is in less than a week? Well, I could have ordered something else online and paid for express shipping. But I decided to be Creative!

What did I come up with, you ask? Cupcake giraffes.

Cupcake giraffes.

The birthday boy loves them. He especially loves that there are two! And that he gets a tiny giraffe cake all to himself while the rest of us have cupcakes.

Decorating the giraffes was pretty easy. I used some yellow dye left over from a previous Wilton cake I did for the frosting. Chris added cinnamon spots because he mastered the shaking technique. We lined them up in vaguely giraffe shape. The long necks are the key.

Will they win any decorating contests? Nope. But they won the only one that counts. I have a happy kid.

Oh, and the cake is spice cake with cream cheese frosting, which we chose as Wil's special cake for his first birthday and have done ever since. It's a nice fall cake. (Sam gets strawberry cake since that's a nice summer cake and he loves strawberries.)

Just because something is....

2011-11-17T21:56:00.000-05:00

Just because something is doesn't make it right.

Last night I posted a link on Facebook to an online petition telling Target not to open at midnight for Black Friday. You see, Target has decided that 5 a.m. isn't early enough to lure shoppers in for super deals on the day after Thanksgiving. They have employees coming in at 11 p.m. so they can open at midnight. (You can bet the people who decided this was a good idea won't have to leave their dinner table to sleep before an exhausting 8 hour shift.)

A lot of people agreed that it's ridiculous and that the consumerism inherent in this decision, curtailing the ability of employees to enjoy a national holiday for the opportunity to earn a few bucks, is sickening. But I was surprised how many people defended Target, saying we live in a capitalist society so we have to put up with this. That this is the price people pay for working in retail and it isn't that different from doctors, nurses, EMTs, firefighters and police who work on holidays.

Just because something is doesn't make it right.

And I don't agree with those sentiments. I find the whole idea of Black Friday kind of nausea inducing, but people will shop. Opening the stores early is rather blatant and obnoxious, but there are people out there shopping. At least when a store opens at 5 a.m. the employees can still enjoy the holiday the day before, get a reasonable night's sleep, and still work.

This opening at midnight is gross. If someone has to be at work at 11 p.m., and get sleep, they need to have a very early Thanksgiving lunch. They'll be hitting the sack about the time the Macy's Thanksgiving parade ends!

But that doesn't get to the heart of the arguments defending Target.

1) We live in a capitalist society. Sure, but that is just our economic system. We still live in a democracy, where we can vote with our dollars. Do we really have to get the absolute cheapest price on some piece of stuff probably made in China? To steal from a friend, "has your Christmas ever been ruined by a present you didn't get?" Sure, companies are out to make money, but it shouldn't be at the expense of their employees. Because if no one has any money because all the companies only worry about stock holders, no one will be able to buy their products. Any forward-thinking business knows you treat your employees well because it is better business in the long run.

2) Just because you have had to work on a holiday doesn't mean every person who ever works retail has to. Just because something is doesn't make it right. Why is it assumed that just because someone has a job they shouldn't have a holiday off? Do we really want to defend workers not getting paid decent wages, not getting holidays or paid sick leave or reasonable insurance?

3) I'm sorry, but there is a big difference between retail employees and public safety workers. If Target doesn't open until 5 a.m., the world doesn't end. If an ER is closed or a fire department unstaffed, bad things happen. There's no comparison. So don't even try. And most of those necessary employees rotate through holidays. They usually work things out so if someone works Thanksgiving, they get Christmas off, or something similar.

Another friend really nailed it when she commented that she is angry because the stores opening early is taking the employees away from their families. All we have is time, and that is being taken away. Time is precious. Our families are precious. On a day when most people celebrate being thankful for their families, that is being taken away. When a lot of people don't have much money, celebrating the spending of money seems crass.

Just because something is doesn't make it right.

All fiction is fantasy

2011-11-14T15:04:00.001-05:00

I know I'm not the first to realize this, but the idea that all fiction is fantasy is something I was thinking about in the shower the other day.

See, I even wrote it on the shower wall with tub crayons.

So, all fiction is fantasy. Some types are just closer to reality than others. But they all spring from the author's imagination: mystery, suspense, romance, historical, sci-fi, and even... fantasy.

I like the freedom of writing fantasy. I get to invent a world in which anything could happen. I get to decide on the rules. I can even write about dragons that aren't dragons.

But all fiction is fantasy. And it is all made from nothing. Sometimes we borrow places or people we know. Sometimes we disguise them so we can make them just a little different to fit the story, or to protect them, or just because. Sometimes we make things up.

If fiction were not fantasy, it would be pretty boring. And it wouldn't be fiction. It would be history, or biography, or journalism. There are some interesting and exciting tales in reality. But there are no fairies or magic.

Pirates aren't swashbuckling in real life. Aliens aren't from outer space. Detectives have to worry about evidence tampering and usually aren't Miss Marple or Sherlock Holmes.

All fiction is fantasy. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Victim blaming your kids

2011-11-09T11:59:00.002-05:00

A major issue that has been talked about in circles I follow, especially in regards to rape, is victim blaming. Victim blaming is all about excusing the perpetrator by pointing out behaviors of the victim that "led" to their being victimized. It's wrong. I know this.

One of our boys can be a bit of a bully; the other can be a little whiny at times. I know this, and yet I still find myself in situations like the following.

One of the boys is sitting on the other, who is crying. We tell boy1 to get off his brother, which he does (sometimes it takes counting, or one of us actually lifting him off, but sometimes he just needs to be told). Not having seen what led to it, we tell boy1 not to do that.

Aware of the dynamics at work, we keep an eye on the two. Boy2 puts himself in a position where boy1 will very likely take the bait. Yep, sometimes he eggs boy1 on. Inevitably, we end up once again with boy2 on the ground and boy1 sitting on him, sometimes holding him in headlock.

Now, brotherly dynamics are not the same as most of the situations we see in the news where the victim gets blamed. And I see boy2 kind of "asking for it", until he gets sat on. And an easy solution in a lot of these instances would be if boy2 didn't make himself such an easy target.

And just as we're telling him to get off the floor, not put himself right under his brother's feet, it occurs to us that we're blaming the victim here. Boy1 will get a time out in his room, toys removed, whatever appropriate punishment fits the particular moment.

But it's a fine line to walk. Because, while boy1 really, truly, is upset about getting wrestled to the ground, he also does do things that make his brother want to do it. How do we teach him to not be a victim while also not blaming him?

I know, I'm way extrapolating here, but I really think we need to start teaching out kids at a young age that rapists rape, murders murder, etc.

And yet, there is a reason women take self-defense classes. And police recently have been a bit heavy-handed, but there's some truth to taking personal responsibility for one's own safety. No, women who are raped do not ask for it, but there are things they can do to "be smart"* and make themselves less likely to be a victim.

The only way to stop a crime is for the criminal not to commit it. But we still lock our doors. Some people have security services and alarm systems on their homes. The reality is that there are things we can do, but we still need to remember that even if you do everything right, bad things can happen.

I know this post seems to be wandering and pointless, but here's what it comes to: we need to teach our kids that boy1 is the one who gets punished for being a bully, but boy2 can also do some things to avoid the situation. They are each responsible for their own behavior.

And as they get older and learn more impulse control, then we can work on those harder lessons.

*Please note, I am NOT saying that women who get raped asked for it. I'm not saying they shouldn't wear sexy clothes if they enjoy doing it. I'm not saying they should be tea totalers. We should all be able to leave our doors unlocked and walk the streets at night without anything bad happening. But, just as we do lock our doors to make our homes and cars less of an easy target, there are ways to be a little smarter without being at fault.

On voting

2011-11-08T13:14:00.001-05:00

Women have always been able to vote in the US in my lifetime. In my mother's and grandmothers' as well. The 19th Amendment was ratified in 1920, 91 years ago.

Would you believe Mississippi didn't ratify it until 1984? Actually, considering the state of women's rights in Mississippi, I guess I do.

I could write a lot about women's rights, such as the fact that the Equal Rights Amendment still has not been ratified and is not the law of the land, but this is an election day. I want to concentrate on elections.

Here in Bloomington, there are only 2 contested races. Pretty abysmal. Most of the new officials who will be sworn in on January 1st were elected by default during the primary because there is a full slate of Democrats but very few Republicans running. That's just sad.

Frankly, I don't think partisan politics really have a place in local elections. Most of what our local leaders do has very little to do with the big polarizing issues, anyway. And we would have a much more robust local election if more candidates were on the ballot. Really, does it matter which party someone is from at this level?

I would be willing to state that most, if not all, local offices are not political in that sense. Who cares if the recorder or auditor or a judge is a Republican or Democrat? They have a very specific job to do, which should really be more dependent on actual qualifications.

Add to that the local issues that really sway voters tend to have nothing to do with party. Can we let our candidates run on those issues?

One of the contested races this year is for the 3 city council at-large seats. The big issue that seems to be dividing voters here is I-69. And there is no consensus within either party. The 5 candidates run the gamut from against to absolutely for, with most being more practical and somewhere in the middle.

There are nuances in how they feel about other local issues, but again, it doesn't really split by party so much as by personal experience. And that's good. I don't like politicians who pick their stance on an issue by party (or voters who vote a straight ticket). That means they aren't thinking. It means they haven't learned that there's an awful lot of gray.

Me, I like to be an informed voter. I don't have the time to learn everything about the candidates, but I try to learn a little. It's pretty simple why: the last time I voted without having a clue who I was voting for, I accidentally helped elect someone who stood for the exact opposite of what I wanted, who turned out to be a criminal.

I've voted in almost every election for which I have been eligible. I think I may have missed some local elections when I was in college, but that's ok since I had no clue. I also consciously skipped voting in the first local election after moving to Bloomington because I didn't feel like I had a handle on the city or the candidates. I made a point to educate myself before the next one, though.

So what is the point of all this? Even with uncontested races, it is worth exercising one's right, privilege, and duty to vote. Even if someone is uncontested, you can abstain from voting. But that doesn't mean anything unless you cast a ballot. See, the math is such that if 1000 people vote in the election but only half vote for an uncontested candidate, that means the other half DIDN'T. That's significant. It may not sway the vote, but it makes a statement.

So vote. Please. Just do it. Seriously, it took all of 5 minutes this morning, including getting the boys in and out of the car, walking down the hall to the polling location, checking in, filling in the ballot, and getting our nifty "I voted" stickers.

Being a tissue donor

2011-11-06T12:39:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I did something that's maybe a little crazy: I donated some healthy breast tissue to the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Tissue Bank.

This tissue bank collects healthy tissue because researchers need to know what normal is before they can really understand not normal. If they only collect samples from breast cancer patients, they don't have anything to compare. Hence the tissue drive yesterday at Bloomington Hospital. I heard there were 179 women signed up to donate.

A bunch of doctors and nurses and volunteers came to Bloomington, many from the IU Simon Cancer Center to collect blood and tissue samples. They took over the outpatient surgery section, moving donors through the process in a very organized way.

This next section won't be very interesting, but I want to document the process so anyone who chooses to make a donation in the future will have an idea of what to expect.

When I arrived at 11:40, someone escorted me to the check-in, where they marked me off their list (I had signed up for an appointment online). Next I was directed to the next 'runner' who escorted me to another volunteer to sign the consent forms. She then walked me to the next station where my height and weight were noted. Another runner walked me down the hall to the medical history station. A volunteer there helped me find my ID numbers to log in and fill out a simple medical history on a laptop.

Then she walked me to the nurses who were drawing blood. It was noon by this point. Now, I have very firm veins, which is great except when blood needs to be drawn. The first nurse tried but my vein rolled. Rather than dig around, she asked a second nurse to try. The second time was the charm. This was probably the worst part of the process, but not their fault.

After the blood draw, a runner walked me down the hall where several women were waiting for their turn to have the biopsy. There was a little delay waiting as the doctors can only work so fast. It was probably about 12:15 when I sat down. I actually didn't not the time, but I don't think I waited more than 15-20 minutes. During that time, those of us waiting chatted about, well, whatever.

Once in the room, a nurse gave me a general run-down of what would happen. I changed into the gown. The nurse came in to tell me some of the precautions for afterward while we waited for the doctor, who had gotten delayed on a phone call about a patient. (Really, can't blame a doctor for taking care of their patients.)

The doctor came in and told me what each step was as she did the biopsy. She raved about what a great tissue sample mine was with not much fat, nice and dense, which would be good for research. She even showed it to me (little blobs on some gauze). Pain-wise, it stung a little when she did the local anesthetic (well, duh, needles sting a bit). The actual biopsy was fine - just a little pressure and an odd feeling.

Afterward, the nurse put pressure on the site for 10 minutes, then put a gauze bandage on and gave me an ice pack to stick in my bra. Once I was dressed, a runner walked me to the check-out, where they marked me off the list and gave me a gift bag and t-shirt. It was about 1:15.

Yep, that's a Vera Bradley bag.

All in all, I feel pretty good. I was a little sore yesterday afternoon, but a couple of ice packs helped. By last night it was mostly just tender (meaning: don't touch!) but not really a problem. Following the post-procedure orders of ice and not lifting anything "heavier than a martini glass or a menu" for 24 hours are pretty easy. Later today I get to remove the gauze and see what it looks like. If there's any bruising, it's under the bandage so I can't see it - and that was about the only major side effect expected.

So, for anyone who skipped all the procedural stuff, here's the take-away: it was pretty easy. Yes, there is some soreness, but it's not a big deal. Really, think of the alternative. It's a nice way to help with research and the more research the better this disease is understood (just as with any other disease). And the better it is understood, the more likely it is that it can be prevented, managed and/or cured. In my lifetime, a breast cancer diagnosis has gone from a death sentence to a disease that can be managed.

There's a big drive planned for Indy the last weekend in January as part of a Super Bowl promotion: Indy Super Cure. If you want to join their interested donor list, they will keep you updated about events in the area.

About the percenters

2011-10-27T16:26:00.001-04:00

I don't think people get it. I really don't.

1) First there were the 99% folks, who have very legitimate gripes.
2) Then there are the 1% people who either a) agree with the 99% or say screw the 99%.
3) And then there are the 53% folks who are clueless.

A lot of people have been posting their pictures with their stories about why they fit into one of these groups. There has been a lot of commentary on those pictures. Here is what I see.

1) The 99% aren't lazy. They aren't whining because they have to work hard. The problem, what they (most of us since 99% of us are that 99%) are trying to convey, is that hard work doesn't get anywhere. You can work hard all your life and you will get poorer - unless you are in that 1% that keeps getting richer. You can have a good job, pay your bills, have health insurance... and still not get ahead. There is no American Dream for the vast majority of us who just want to be comfortable enough to pay the bills and maybe have a little extra to take a vacation, all without worrying if the next illness will send us into bankruptcy.

2) The guy from the infamous picture (who works 80 hour weeks and thinks the 99%ers are whiny) doesn't get it. The point is that he SHOULDN'T have to work 80 hour weeks for the rest of his life. And there aren't enough jobs for everyone to work that many hours. The American Dream is not about working yourself to death and not getting ahead. If you work that hard for a few years and do get ahead, that's fine. It isn't about a free ride either. That's not what the 99% are asking for. They just want to get a fair wage. They object to CEOs making 350X what the average worker makes, with stockholders getting crazy dividends, while the people who create the products that make all that money sink lower and lower.

3) The 53% folks supposedly represent the 53% who pay taxes. Except that a lot of the ones posting don't pay taxes. And why, if you pay your taxes, which go toward building roads and airports, and all sorts of other public projects, defend companies and the wealthy, who benefit from those tax funded services, not paying their fair share of taxes?

4) As for the 1%, I'm very happy to see that quite a few understand that they didn't get there on their own. Their wealth wasn't built in a bubble. They were able to make money with the help of others and using public resources. And that use of public resources is a big reason why they ABSOLUTELY SHOULD pay their fair share of taxes. As has been pointed out, many of them wouldn't even notice if their tax rate increased a small amount. The ones who gloat are just that - gloaters. We shouldn't feel sympathy for them or want to do them any favors. That doesn't mean we need to resent them (if people work hard and make a lot of money, more power to them). But they certainly don't need our help or Congress's to get even further ahead.

5) Some of the folks defending the status quo are doing so against their own self-interest. When the options are tax cuts or tax increases for the wealthy and the non-wealthy are fighting for tax cuts (even though it means tax increases for the middle class), it makes me wonder why. Is it because they aspire to be wealthy enough to not pay income taxes? Because if so, I hate to break it to you, but it's unlikely. Why do some folks want to pay more taxes so the people who can afford to pay more get a break? Don't tell me it's because they really believe in trickle down economics or that the wealthy are job creators. Those are fictions which have been disproved time and again. (For the record, when companies make more money [including via tax cuts], they don't hire more workers - they pay bigger investor dividends. They only hire if they need more employees. If the vast majority of American workers can't afford to buy products, it will only keep shrinking the economy. And the wealthy don't really create more jobs - at least not high paying ones. Maybe they'll hire another maid or gardener, but paying lower taxes isn't really going to encourage them to spread the wealth around. And they don't necessarily buy more stuff just because they saved a a few thousand dollars in taxes.)

6) This wealth imbalance can't continue. Historically, this is when societies either fall or reform. Can we please reform?

How I write

2011-10-25T08:00:00.000-04:00

With NaNoWriMo almost upon us, I thought I would share how I write.

It's not complicated: I fly by the seat of my pants.

At least, that's how I've worked on my first novel (tentatively titled "The Dragonlords"). When I started, I had the first scene, the prologue, stuck in my mind. And I just went from there. I let the story tell me where to go. And when I got lost, I would talk to Chris. He would ask great questions (sometimes as simple as "why?") and of course I knew the answers. And those answers were usually where the story needed to go next.

I only had ~25K words after last November, so I've been fleshing it out for the last year, with the help of my writing group. I had some good bones when I started. I have almost 36K words now and plan to use this November to reach 50K (or, ideally, 60K). It needs filling in, but I know a lot of the places that need work, thanks to the lovely ladies in my writing group.

I also have the start of a stageplay/screenplay("Life is a Journey") that runs about 8 minutes so far. After I'm done with my novel, it is next on the list. Chris and I came up with the idea on a car ride a year and a half ago. We actually did outline the scenes before starting. I've done most of the work on the stageplay version, but want to switch it to a screenplay, since that is Chris's forte. Since Chris and I are working on this together (I write most of the dialog; he helps with the general story idea), this one needs to wait until we have time to work together. That means January at the soonest.

And I even have a story idea for next year's NaNoWriMo, when I will be ready for something new. I just can't juggle multiple projects without dropping them, so I need to concentrate on one at a time.

That's what I'm writing.

I actually do some of my writing in longhand and then type it up later. Sometimes I type directly. It really depends on what mood I'm in and what resources I have available. When I'm revising, I tend to do a lot of longhand, in red pen, on the printed pages. I can arrow stuff around and do insertions (I know, I can do that on the computer too, but it isn't the same as seeing what I've done).

I sometimes wear a writing outfit of cozy pajama pants, a shirt, my big black sweater, slippers.

I read recently a nice blog article about writer's block that really resonated. The gist is that no one gets talker's block, so why do they get writer's block. If you are a writer, go read it. I'll wait.

What did you think? Eye opening? He makes sense. I'll even add to his cure for writer's block: talk. When I get stuck, I bounce my story off Chris and he helps me get to the next scene (or the one after that). Just by listening and letting me talk about it. I probably don't even need to talk TO him. I bet a voice recorder would do just as well.

An example: at the last Bloomington Screenwriter's Community meeting, a writer was explaining how she didn't know where to start, then told us what her story was about. She does know where to start, she just has trouble writing it down. We suggested she record herself talking about it and she'll have the whole thing down in no time.

That's pretty much how I write.

So why do I write? Because I have these stories inside me and I want to share them. Finding the right words and being able to express these characters who inhabit these incredible worlds and do amazing things? What could be better than that?

The politics of sex

2011-10-24T16:54:00.000-04:00

I know, 2 touchy topics. But a lot has been written and said lately about so-called "personhood" laws and abortions that save women's lives. And I have to comment.

If you are unaware, there is a trend right now to pass laws, quite notably in Mississippi, that define life as beginning at conception. A lot of people who know a lot more about this than I do have been writing about problems with this idea, including 1) it would effectively outlaw hormonal contraceptives, 2) it would open women who have miscarriages up to possible legal action, 3) teens in states that pass this could quite possibly be allowed to vote 17 years and 3 months after their birth, would be able to drink 20 years and 3 months after birth, et cetera, thus causing confusion as to actual age...

There has also been a hullaballoo about Mitt Romney and a woman he censured years ago when she sought a life-saving abortion, with the support of Mormon leaders.

The general rhetoric is that people (read: women) shouldn't have sex unless they are married and with the intention of creating children. I mention that this means women because the usually male politicians aren't too worried about the men who impregnate these women. And are sometimes caught with their pants down. And the general consensus is usually that 'boys will be boys' and they need to sow wild oats, but women need to be paragons.

Don't get me started on what a bunch of hypocritical, sexist crap that is.

Let's look at facts:

1) People, both men and women, have sex, sometimes when they are not married. That is a moral issue, not a political one, so can we stay out of everyone else's bedrooms?

2) You can preach all you want that no one should have sex unless they are married, but that ain't gonna happen. If you think it will, you live under a rock. If you think this is a new phenomenon, you don't know your history. Heck, even the vaunted Bible is full of stories of pre-marital and extra-marital sex.

3) Even within marriage, people have sex without the main purpose being procreational. Think about it. Sex, usually called making love, is used to bring a couple closer. It strengthens bonds. And it just feels good. Do you really think people only have sex when they want kids? That's not the kind of marriage I want. And a lot of people who are past childbearing age still have sex. (Do you really want people to have babies they can't afford? Because that's the consequence of sex only being procreational.)

So, the whole personhood thing. An embryo is potential life. It cannot exist outside of its host, much like a parasite. Without going into the morality of abortion, it is not yet born. If you want to truly protect life, there are a lot of people already walking this earth who need their lives saved.

And consequence #1 as listed above? Just go watch this video:

Yep. For all the men out there who think this issue doesn't have anything to do with them, you won't be getting all that sex if your wife or girlfriend can't use the hormonal contraceptive of her choice. I bet Trojan is thrilled - here comes a resurgence for condom use!

Have you had a miscarriage or know someone who has? (You probably do.) Think about the heartbreak, then consider if all the women who have had miscarriages were investigated for possible murder. Think about the backlog with police, who are already stretched thin, having to look into this - and they are not medical experts.

This is just a bad idea with consequences beyond just outlawing abortion, the real reason for the laws.

And so we get to abortion. And the generally accepted reasons of rape, incest, life of the mother, that even anti-abortion folks will allow. Even the Mormons all the life of the mother as a reason for an abortion. But then some folks can't accept even that. They don't see understand the tough decision of choosing one life over another. They don't understand that when two people decide that the person (woman) who is already walking this earth deserves a chance to live, and that leaving a motherless child (or children if there are already children) is also a bad. That even if a woman chooses to risk her own life to bear her child, she and the child may still both die.

Can we leave politics out of the bedroom? Can we leave medical decisions to doctors, not politicians? And can we try to think about the long-term consequences of our actions (or legislation) rather than the knee-jerk, FU that most of it seems to be these days?

About sandwich crusts

2011-10-19T12:14:00.001-04:00

Before I was a parent, I always told myself I would never cut crusts off of sandwiches. It always seemed such an indulgent thing to do. I told myself kids needed to suck it up and learn to either just eat the crusts or eat around them.

Then we had a child who would not eat. For over a year, he wouldn't eat anything other than Cheerios and the occasional gold fish cracker or Nutter Butter. He survived on milk and Pediasure.

We tried everything. We offered food. He went regularly to the pediatrician for weight checks. We heard advice and admonitions from so many people. I'm sure some were well-meaning, but it wasn't helpful.

Yes, we tried cutting back milk. And he didn't eat more. He actually lost weight. So we went back to what worked, under the advice of the pediatrician, hoping he would outgrow this stubbornness.

I think it was his regressing and rebelling when his baby brother was born, but I'll never know for sure. As suddenly as he stopped eating food, he suddenly decided he liked it. He developed an appetite and could recognize when he was hungry.

But he's still a very picky eater. Little things will kill his appetite. We have a one bite rule with dinner. He has to have at least one bite before he can say he doesn't like it. He has discovered some things he likes, but often will stop after that one bite.

So when my very picky child, who can be stubborn enough to not eat for months on end, will only eat a sandwich if all the crusts are cut off, do I cut them off? You bet I do. I know the alternative. I cut every bit of crust off.

We have well-fed birds and squirrels and chipmunks in our yard. Some days they don't even scurry away when I toss the crusts out the back door.

And I have two children who eat their sandwiches.

What theaters could learn from the IU Cinema

2011-10-05T11:29:00.001-04:00

On this week's IU Cinema podcast (episode 53), the hosts, Andy and Jason, talked about the separate horrible experiences they had watching a movie at two different theaters.

Hollywood studios are lamenting the lackluster attendance at movies. They wonder why no one goes to the cinema anymore.

Here's a thought: Jason and Andy hit the nail on the head.

Why would I pay exorbitant prices to see a movie when the experience is bad? Yes, a good cinema can produce a fantastic experience, enhancing my enjoyment of a show. But a lousy experience is just painful and will make me hate a movie. As a studio, would I really want people to see my product (movie) in such a bad light, with poor sound or jumping picture?

Instead of worrying so much about dvd sales and Netflix, maybe the studios should worry more about the EXPERIENCE of the cinema. That's really what the moviegoer is paying for when they buy their ticket. They aren't paying to see the movie (there are a lot cheaper ways to do that now). The shared experience, the larger than life picture, those are why we pay to see a show.

If you really want to encourage people to get off their couches, give them a reason. If you want to steer them away from other options, make the cinema experience worth their effort. Make it truly an experience.

That's where the IU Cinema excels. AMC and other bog box theaters could learn something there. Yes, most shows at the Cinema are free or low cost. But that's not why we go. We go because the experience is fantastic. We go because the seats are comfortable, the sound is always good, the picture is better than anything you will see elsewhere. We go because the people there truly love movies and make the experience worth it. We go because the other patrons love movies and make for a great shared experience. Filmmakers have commented that they have never seen their movies look and sound better - who am I to argue?

We don't go to the movies very often. Babysitters are too expensive to make it easy on our budget. But we've gone much more often since January. What changed in January? Yep, that's when the IU Cinema opened. We used to see one or two movies a year. In the last 9 months, we've seen many films- Metropolis with live salon orchestra, Hoosiers, Certified Copy, Summertime, and The Last Picture Show to name a few.

Give me truly state of the art and I will pay to go. Give me a crappy experience and I won't. It's as simple as that. (Ok, so a good movie helps. But that's a different lesson altogether.)

Fruit flies

2011-09-28T14:47:00.000-04:00

A week or so ago we ended up with overripe bananas in the kitchen. And fruit flies appeared like magic. It's not unusual for that to happen.

But this time, when the bananas were removed, the fruit flies didn't go away. Usually they disappear within a day or two, but they keep multiplying this time. And I haven't figured out where they are lurking.

So I did what anyone living in the future would do: I googled 'fruit fly trap'. Along with ones you can purchase, I found a recipe to make my very own, with ingredients I have in my kitchen:

Pour a cup of apple cider vinegar in a bowl or jar. Add a few drops of dish soap. Leave it where they congregate.

I put out the trap yesterday afternoon. This is what it looks like this morning:

Fruit fly trap in action

Yep, that dark smudge on the bottom is a bunch of dead fruit flies. Now, there are still a few flitting around, but it is definitely working. I'll definitely remember this recipe - and keep apple cider vinegar in my pantry.

On making friends

2011-09-20T16:25:00.001-04:00

I belong to a very nice moms' group. I've met some great friends through activities with the group. Every mom I have met through the group has been very nice.

I preface with this information because I am always baffled by the occasional post on the message boards asking how to get to know other moms. Invariably, every couple of months, a new member will post that they are shy, that they don't know anyone, and that they feel uncomfortable going to a meetup because they don't know anyone. Sometimes they add that they are worried the group, which currently has 146 members, will be too cliquey and won't be welcoming to new members. And I shake my head.

This is what I would like to say to all those moms, and actually to anyone who is a new member of a group:

Most of us were shy when we started. I went to my first meetup in someone's house not knowing any of the other people who would be there. I met one of my best friends at that very first meetup. Did I have butterflies? Yep. Were my hands shaking as I rang the doorbell? You bet. Did I walk in that door and get to know the other moms and kids there? Absolutely.

The worst thing you can do is let fear keep you from making new friends.

As an adult, we all should have learned a long time ago that making friends takes a little work. You can't just expect someone to magically appear and bond. You have to reach out a little too. Will you click with every new person you meet? No. But you won't meet those great new people if you don't take the first step.

Put on your big girl panties (or whatever a suitable non-female-specific phrase would be) and do it. No one will bite. No one will laugh. If you mention that you are nervous because this is your first time there, you will probably hear stories of others' first times.

Not sure what to say? Want to stay in a corner hoping someone will come rescue you? Sometimes even with the best intentions, especially in public places, someone else may not realize you are waiting for an introduction. You might have to start a conversation yourself. Not sure what to say? Well, if we're in a group together, we must have something in common. That's a good place to start. Here's an example (with a fictional mom I'll call Jenny):

"Hi. My name is Meagan. Those two boys over there are mine."
"It's nice to meet you, Meagan. My name is Jenny. Mine are the girl in red (pointing) and the boy with the cape."
"He sure looks like he's having fun. How old are they?"
"Carrie is 4 and John is 2. How old are yours? Are they twins?"
"No, they are actually 3 and 4 1/2. But they are the same size. Everyone asks if they are twins."

See, the start of a conversation. It can continue on it's own from there or you can find another person to meet.

In my experience, there are a lot of moms in the group that I enjoy talking with. There are a few that I have become very good friends with and we get together for playdates outside the group. There are some I haven't met and some that I haven't talked much with. There are some that have infants that I don't have as much in common with but that doesn't mean I don't want to meet them or talk to them.

Maybe it's because we aren't in school where we have to sit in a room with the same 20 or 30 kids every day, but sometimes it seems like we've forgotten how to make friends and that we don't have to be friends with everyone. Maybe we need a little help. And so I will close by linking to this video from "The Big Bang Theory" where Sheldon discovers the Friendship Algorithm.

Fun times in Nashville

2011-09-19T20:16:00.001-04:00

Nashville, IN, that is. This past Saturday we went on a double date with my parents to see Robert Shaw and the Lonely Street Band in both "Heartbreak Hotel", his tribute to a young Elvis, and "Man in Black", his tribute to Johnny Cash.

Wow. Both shows were fantastic. Seriously, if you have time to go to Nashville before the end of October, take the time to see these shows at the Palace Theatre.

The only thing that marred our evening was dinner. Actually, that would be the lack of dinner.

The first show started at 5 and ended at about 6:45. The second show began at 8. There is a restaurant right next door, Holy Cow, a steak house. Considering the proximity we figured they would be used to serving the crowd between shows. We even stopped in just before the first show to make sure we could be seated and served, with time to eat, before the 2nd show. They claimed it was possible and took a reservation. Or so we thought.

Come 6:45, we walked next door only to be told that they had our name down but that it wasn't really a reservation. They would do their best to seat us. Which they did, at exactly 7. It was 7:15 before our waitress came to the table. We ordered 4 burgers. 7:30 passed. And 7:40. At 7:45, we decided that even if our food came out, a half hour after ordering it, we wouldn't have time to eat it. At 7:50, with still no food, we asked for the bill. (They didn't charge us for our drinks when we told the waitress that we had been told we would be able to fit in dinner before the 8 p.m. show and we just didn't have any more time.)

Yep, we sat through the second show on basically empty stomachs (2 sodas and a tiny roll didn't do much but give me heartburn). The only good thing about our non-dinner is the cinnamon butter for the roll. That was fabulous. And I'm sure the food is good - if you have a lot of time to sit and wait. Really, over 45 minutes waiting is not acceptable in my book. Over 30 minutes to cook burgers? WTH?

So, bottom line: go see the shows (we didn't see the Sunday afternoon "How Great Thou Art", gospel music of Elvis show, but I assume it's good) but find somewhere else to eat.

In the fridge

2011-09-15T12:43:00.000-04:00

So I was talking to some friends the other day and mentioned that I bought 6 gallons of milk the other day. The checker at the grocery store ask me, rather incredulously, how many kids I had. I have 2. And a husband who drinks chocolate milk by the gallon (ok, a little exaggeration). My friends were shocked that I even had enough room in the refrigerator to hold that much milk... and also that I bought that much at a time.

So here goes. I went shopping again today. And took a picture of the inside of our refrigerator.

What's in our fridge?

So it's not the best picture, but here goes:

Note 8 gallons of milk (about a week's worth) - 4 in the door and 4 on the shelf. (2 of those are partials)

There are 2 1/2 loaves of bread - we go through 3 or so a week.

Tonight's dinner (meatloaf) is thawing in the front.

There is also juice, yogurt, bagels (a treat!), fruit in the bins, cheese and ham in the meat drawer, eggs, peanut butter (we go through a jar/week) and jam. Oh, and tortillas.

When we got our new refrigerator, we got the biggest one that would fit into the space we have, but it is actually one of the smaller ones easily found in a store. It seems even fridges are getting bigger these days. We have a bottom freezer because we spend more time going into the refrigerator section than the freezer. The freezer is currently full of make ahead meals.

New people, new habits?

2011-09-14T16:28:00.000-04:00

Has anyone else noticed that there seems to be less traffic on campus? Even at 5 p.m. Granted, there is still plenty, but it seems like a lot less than even 5 years ago.

What has happened in the last 5 years to make traffic noticeably lighter? I'm sure several factors are at play - more expensive parking permits, more expensive gas, free employee bus passes, car pool tags, ZipCars, incentives for employees to exercise more. But I wonder if the most important factor is actually as simple as turnover.

New students, of which there is a new crop every year, this year's being the largest to date in Bloomington, are orientated to use the bus system. Their IDs act as free bus passes on both IU and city buses and they've been using the buses since that started. Lack of parking makes taking the bus a better bet for students. I see a ton of students parking in the White Lot, with more walking from nearby apartments.

But I think employees are starting to use transportation options other than cars. Yes, a lot still drive. But as parking has gotten more expensive and spaces harder to find, I think more employees are finally looking at car pool, bike and bus options. City buses became free for employees with a special, free bus pass in 2006 - the year I left.

It seems like 5 years is about right for a paradigm shift. There are a lot of new employees - faculty and staff. A lot have retired or left. New programs have had time to settle in with early adopters talking about the conveniences.

Add to all that the new premium reduction incentives for health insurance for 2011 and voluntary Get Healthy programs and you have a recipe for this change. The construction on Bypass (and probably also 3rd Street) probably help too. If it isn't convenient to drive, people find other ways.

I don't think I'm imagining things. It really feels like there are fewer cars and less backup when driving through campus.

Our playlist

2011-09-13T20:59:00.001-04:00

I was listening to iTunes today when something not unusual happened: Elvis ended and Metallica came on. I don't like Metallica, but sure enough they are in my library. That's what happens when you get married and combine music collections. Chris has embarrassing moments at work when ABBA suddenly comes on. So what is in this library? Elvis, ABBA, Meatloaf, The Beatles, Queen, Aerosmith, Straight No Chaser, Metallica, Lord of the Rings soundtrack, Barenaked Ladies, Ozzy Osbourne, Blondie, Crystal Method, Yoko Kanno and the Seatbelts, Beethoven, The Rolling Stones..... It's an eclectic mix. I like a lot of the music Chris has introduced me to. I hope he likes some of what I've introduced to him.

International Rock Flippiing Day

2011-09-11T20:42:00.001-04:00

Along with being the 10th anniversary of the 9/11/01 attacks, today was the 5th annual International Rock Flipping Day. I read about it earlier today but didn't get around to flipping over a rock until after sunset. So what did I find? Nothing. Yep, apparently all the under rock critters that are usually there (ants, centipedes, isopods (otherwise known as roly-polies), and worms) are all sleeping. Unlike our kids, who were still talking in their beds while I was turning over no fewer than 7 rocks, flashlight in hand. I did startle a cricket sitting next to a rock, but it wasn't under the rock. At least I know what denizens are usually under the rocks in our back yard.

Free time

2011-09-03T16:19:00.001-04:00

The boys have now been in preschool for two weeks. And I have free time! Five hours (ok, really 4.5 after factoring in travel time) twice a week. It has been so long since I've had free time, I almost don't know what to do with myself. There are so many things I want to do, along with what I need to do. I need to find time to do my book packing work. I also want to start working out for an hour or so. And writing! If I can find time to write, even for an hour, I can get a lot done on my novel. I'm a planner. I really need to make a schedule for myself and get into a routine so I can do all the things I want to do. So, a rough draft of a schedule: 9:30 drop off boys 9:45-10:45 work out 11:00-12:00 package books 12:00 lunch/reading 1:00-2:00 write 2:10 post office 2:20-2:30 pick up boys I'll have to see if this schedule will work. I'm sure it will need tweaking. And as we get closer to Christmas packing books will take longer (sometimes 2-3 hours per day). Of course, I can always finish those after picking up the boys and just take a late trip to the post office before 5. Now, am I forgetting anything? Oh yeah, grocery shopping and any other shopping that needs doing. Hmmm.... Well, we'll see what works. Maybe just writing on Thursday and shopping on Tuesday?

Welcome to House Eller

2011-09-01T11:40:00.001-04:00

You may have noticed a little change to the blog. We purchased the houseeller.com domain and are now publishing there. It's a little thing, but getting here wasn't as easy as it should have been.

When we made the decision to purchase the domain name, I looked at a couple options to purchase it. I decided to buy it through Blogger/Google because they set everything up for me. I like easy, and that seemed the way to go since the cost was pretty much the same no matter how we did it.

It wasn't that easy. I guess partly it's my fault. I was using my iPad (Have you met my iPad? His name is Helo.) so I blithely walked through the purchase steps on it. Turns out Google Checkout, which is how you purchase through Google, didn't like using a mobile device. Unlike just about every other service on the web, it distinguishes between devices. And it wanted me to have a Google Checkout account on my computer first. Which I could then link to Helo.

So I thought I made my purchase. I even got a confirmation email. Then the fun came. The next day, I couldn't get in to view my purchase (I think I did once and saw something that said cancelled, but I couldn't get back to it). I followed the link in the email to link my mobile purchase to my computer. And kept getting errors that it couldn't find the information.

I somehow ended up creating a new Google Checkout account, not linked to Helo, and couldn't find a way to link them after the fact. Google Help was no help. Apparently, if you have an actual problem, you are out of luck. All the Help articles were basic instructions on how to set things up initially - actually more of a FAQ than Help.

Have you ever tried to contact Google about a problem? You can't. You can fill out their form once you dig through layers of unhelpful help, but you get an autoresponse that they can't address each individual problem, but have you checked out Help? (Yes, I did. That's why I tried to email my problem.) There is no chat help, no phone number. You can try the message boards and see if someone somewhere might have had this same issue and found a solution. But you can't actually get help from Google.

After verifying that the domain wasn't properly set up, I tried to purchase it again, but it wasn't available. Well crap. Time to leave this for the day and cool off.

Wednesday rolls around (I tried my original purchase Monday night). houseeller.com was still not set up. I had given up on looking at anything through Google Checkout since that was useless. I tried to purchase the domain name again, this time from the computer.... and it went through! When I got my confirmation email, I didn't hold out much hope. But then I got a second email with links to setting up administrator accounts! And this morning Blogger had magically migrated the blog over to the new domain.

Lesson learned: Google doesn't like mobile devices.

So, I welcome everyone to the new houseeller.com. Same blog, just with our custom domain. It only took 3 days to get here, but we made it.

Jury duty review

2011-08-30T16:06:00.000-04:00

So I've been released from jury duty. My number was never called and no jurors are needed today or tomorrow. So here are my thoughts now that my term of service is over.

I'm a little disappointed I didn't get called. While it would have been a hassle to work out child care (my mother-in-law was going to come down, but Chris would have had to stay home from work until she got here), I wanted to see how the whole process worked.

Jurors were only called 2 of the days all month. Apparently a lot of cases have been settled out of court lately, so they haven't needed jurors.

The nice thing is that I didn't have to call every evening. Some nights the message was that jurors weren't needed for several days and when to call in. For those of us who are planners, that made it a little more tolerable because I could plan some stuff a day or two in advance.

It's rough not being able to plan things for an entire month. A week is bad enough, but an entire month was a very long time. And there were special things happening this month. I was able to give them days that I was unavailable (when we were on vacation, preschool orientation and the first day of preschool).

But I've been nervous the last two weeks that I would get called on a school day. With a 3 year old who is nervous about school, a change in routine could be disastrous. Yes, Chris could take them in, but we're working really hard on that routine.

And then there is the factor that all these potential jurors were on hold for a month without being called.... I wonder if there are ever months when they don't have enough jurors and have to postpone a trial.

Preschool prep

2011-08-18T10:52:00.001-04:00

Next week the boys start preschool. Wil will be in pre-K and Sam will have his first day of school (again).

As expected, Wil is excited to get back to school. He loves school. (Let's hope that continues!)

Then there's Sam. Last year was a disaster. He just wasn't ready so we pulled him out after a few weeks. This year, he says he's ready, although he still sometimes looks unsure. He tells me he won't cry and he'll stay at school all day - talk about making my heart break, listening to that! He is a year older and more independent than last year.

But Sam is nowhere near as independent as Wil. My boys are different in so many ways, not least of which is that Wil has always been sure of himself, not needing me nearly as much as Sam does. Even as a baby, Wil would push me away from playing with him because I was doing it wrong. He wanted to create his own little world. Sam, on the other hand, has always been much more dependent. Maybe it's because he has always had Wil to play with. Maybe it's just his personality. Sam has lots of brovado, but he's not good at being on his own.

We've been working on preparing Sam for preschool. This summer we've been reading books and watching shows that show how fun school can be. On heavy rotation right now are "Llama Llama Misses Mama", "The Night Before Preschool", and "The Kissing Hand" for books. We also found "Leapfrog: Let's Go to School!" on Netflix.

"Llama Llama Misses Mama" is nice because it let's him know it's ok to miss me, but I'll come back. He can miss Mommy and still enjoy his time at school. He has really gotten into "The Kissing Hand", making me kiss his hand and kissing mine in return when we read it. I think we may have to use that, at least at the beginning, to reassure him.

Generally, he likes all of these because the kids aren't always sure they will like school, but they always end up having fun. I just hope next week he remembers that second part and has a good time at school.

What if... a world with no stock market

2011-08-17T10:52:00.000-04:00

Imagine a world where there is no stock market. Where companies answer to their stakeholders (employees, clients) rather than investors. Would that make a positive difference? I don't know (I am very far from an expert) but it's a question I'd like an answer to.

There are nuances to the stock market, so maybe what I'm really asking is about publicly traded companies. The reason I ask is because it seems that those publicly traded companies are answerable first to their stockholders, even at the expense of the company's best interests. Future gains are less important than a big dividend now (or at least that's the impression I get).

A small portion of the population keeps getting richer (CEOs, investors) while the workers keep getting shafted. I keep hearing that companies aren't hiring - not because they can't afford more workers but because they can make more profits for their stockholders by overworking their current employees. (I'd argue that this will eventually backfire since people burn out. They leave and/or they work less efficiently. So the company spends more training new employees. Which they think are expendable. Then they question why they aren't making more - when no one can afford to buy their products because no one has any money!)

I've been in a job where I was most definitely overworked. As people left, my department became me. Doing what 4 people had done before. Granted, I found ways to make processes run more efficiently (I had to), but it was still too much. I had a little breakdown just before I left (oh the relief when I walked out and realized I didn't need to down Tums continuously to get through the day!). And they had to hire 2 people to replace me.

Now, I bring all this up because I'd like to point out that they ended up paying salaries and benefits for 2 people anyway (after a short time of paying me exorbitant overtime), but there was also a toll on my health, which meant I used more health insurance. Yes, I paid more in co-pays, but overall, that helped raise insurance rates for everyone. (When more peope get sick, insurance companies raise rates. They don't generally lower them.)

People started leaving that company, abandoning ship so to speak, as working conditions worsened. New people were hired who didn't have as much experience, who needed a lot of training, who took time to learn. Clients weren't happy when everyone they talked to had to ask someone else for help and couldn't just get the job done. Can you see the snowball effect? This wasn't a public company, but I can imagine what any investors would have thought as they watched numbers fall.

Ok, so maybe this isn't a great case study for my question since this wasn't a public company and it shows how any company can make bad decisions. I just think using stock price as a benchmark is a bad idea. It magnifies the problems in bad management and puts undue emphasis on a metric that is kind of meaningless. Having to make profits to pay dividends to investors rather than making a profit to reinvest in the company seems foolish. (Ok, yes, you can do both. But it seems from where I'm sitting that sometimes those in charge forget that the employees are a part of the company. A company is only as good as its employees. Investing in human capital (which sounds awful) is just as important as investing in equipment.)

Anyway, I know there are no simple solutions, but this was just a thought exercise and a bit of a gripe that I wanted to put out there.

The Dishwasher Fairy

2011-08-14T15:45:00.000-04:00

Our house has a Dishwasher Fairy. I know this because I drink a lot of chocolate milk. I like to re-use my chocolate milk glasses for a day or two, so I rinse them and leave them on the counter until they're really in need of a proper washing. Think of it as a way to season the glasses between beverages. From time to time, one of my glasses will be captured by the Dishwasher Fairy and loaded ito the dishwasher well before its appointed time.

This is just how things are.

Jury duty

2011-08-10T21:48:00.000-04:00

I'm in the local jury pool for August. First let me be clear: I don't mind having jury duty. It'll be kind of interesting to see that side of the system.

But there are a few ways it really frustrates me.

I'm a planner. I like to have a plan, even if it ends up being thrown out the window. I like the illusion of control a plan gives me.

I can't plan anything this month. Nothing. I have a whole month of limbo, just waiting for my number to be called. I don't know until the night before if I have to go in the next day. Yep, I call each evening at 7 to find out if 13 hours later, at 8 a.m., I have to be at the courthouse. So far I haven't. There has only been one day where jurors have been called.

So 7 p.m. I call. Then I call Chris's mom to let her know. Because I'm lucky I have a mother-in-law who is available on short notice to watch the kids. Finding emergency child care would not be fun. I would hate to have to pay for the privilege of serving on a jury. (The token amount they pay certainly wouldn't cover daycare or a babysitter.)

Here I am left hanging each day for a month. What ever happened to being on call for a week? A week would be easier to work around.

And the worst part is that my day is tied to someone else doing their job. Last night I called the jury message line to find out if my number had been called. The message hadn't been updated. So I called every half hour until 11. And called again when the alarm went off at 7:30 this morning. Luckily there were no jurors required today, but it was a stressful night, all because someone forgot to update the message.

I sure would hate to be held responsible for not appearing because I didn't know I was supposed to. Yep, I have no control over my life this month. And that sucks.

GenCon 2011 in review

2011-08-08T14:34:00.000-04:00

GenCon is over for this year, so it's time to review our mini-vacation.

Games: We played Munchkin Zombies Friday night (It's Munchkin! With zombies!) and yes, we bought it to add to our Munchkin collection. (I won our game.) We also tried a mini-figure game system thingy called Battles of Westeros, a BattleLore game. It's a strategy game, sort of like the minutia of a round of Risk. We were both new to the type of game. It just wasn't our cup of tea, but that's the point of GenCon - to try new games and see if there's something out there you have been missing.

Seminars: We went to lots of seminars, mostly on writing. Last year was the year for film seminars for Chris so this year we went to writing seminars for me (and Chris since things like world building and storytelling are also important for filmmaking.) I don't think I heard anything completely new, but a lot was confirmed. There were a few small things I needed to be reminded of, and it certainly wasn't wasted time. Hearing from a bunch of published authors who all had different takes on the writing process was informative.

Films: We had one film seminar on independent filmmaking. We also saw the sci-fi shorts block, which included one fantasy piece. It was an interesting mix. We capped off our time at GenCon with a viewing of "Beverly Lane", a fun zombie flick. May I just say, if you like zombie comedies, this was a delightful one.

Puzzle Quest: We tried our hand at the puzzle quest this year. There were 18 puzzles based on characters from "Alice in Wonderland. After solving those 18, there were 6 Alice puzzles. The goal was to solve them and find Alice. We only solved 8, but had a good time trying on the rest.

Bingo: Of course, one of the best parts of GenCon is all the costume watching. I decided to make a game out of it this year by creating a bingo card (after all, this was a gaming convention). Out of 25 squares, I found 21. Not bad. For an even bigger challenge, I took pictures as I found things on my card.

So here is GenCon in photos.

Wearing my Wil Wheaton shirt, in front of a war jack.

Anime characters

Zombies on the exhibit hall floor.

Just a bunch of fun costumes.

Transformer and Cobra Commander.

There were a lot of Jedi.

And Vader with Obi-Wan and a Rebel.

Super-Ma'am

Fun steampunk

Kilts were well-represented.

Slave Leia and Stormtrooper.

Not sure, but neat costume.

Chris dozed off in one of the writing seminars.

A couple of Captain Jacks.

Jareth, Pikachu.

Tusken Raider on the escalator.

My elf costume.

Spiderma'am and Wolverine.

Steampunk family.

Steampunk wheelchair.

Chris having an anachronistic moment with his iPhone.

Red shirt with sword in his back.

Our band of steampunks.

Robin

My steampunk costume. We'll add 'stuff' for next year.

And speaking of next year, we plan to go, but it's mid-August, so we'll have to see since Wil will be in Kindergarten and school starts around that time.

GenCon BINGO

2011-08-03T10:36:00.000-04:00

GenCon 2011 starts tomorrow. Yep, we're going to get our geek on this weekend. Costumes will even be worn. There will be loads of fun people watching, which brings me to GenCon BINGO!

I saw a card posted for ComicCon and thought it was a great idea. I don't know how well my card will do or how many spaces I will fill (I plan to keep playing even if I get a traditional BINGO), but it should add to the fun.

Values

2011-07-22T17:03:00.000-04:00

A lot of people talk a lot about what's wrong, usually according to the precepts of their religion. This list includes gay marriage, abortion, and any number of other hot button topics. In all the hollering about "Christian values", it seems a lot of self-proclaimed Christians forget what's right: compassion and kindness.

When the moment comes to show true kindness, so many people fail.

What do you do if someone you know is homeless? Do you take them in or tell yourself that's what homeless shelters are for?

What do you do if someone you know is hungry? Do you feed them or tell yourself that's what soup kitchens are for?

When millions of people are living in poverty, without enough to eat, without reliable shelter over their heads, without healthcare, what do you do? Do you shrug and decide they must be lazy? Or do you do something about it?

There's a saying: "There but for the grace of God go I." One bad turn could put a lot of us in unfortunate circumstances.

Just something to think about.

My parents taught us to help people if we could. They've let friends stay with them when they've needed a hand getting back on their feet, despite being told they were inviting trouble in (they've never had trouble). I remember my mom spending hours on the phone or on the porch listening to an aunt with mental illness talk about.... well, she wasn't always terribly rational or lucid, but she was harmless and nice.

We've tried to do what we can to help. Yes, sometimes we've been burned, but we've tried.

Jo Lupo rocks

2011-07-20T14:00:00.000-04:00

I am obsessed with "Eureka". I was late to the party, but diligently watched three and a half seasons of episodes to catch up. There are so many rich, fun characters in the show- to me, that's what makes a great show. But the one character I am increasingly enjoying is Jo Lupo. She is a great role model, something increasingly seen in sci-fi's female characters. (WARNING: THERE MAY BE SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOST RECENT EPISODES.)

Jo is such a complex character. She's a 'real' woman, not a stereotype. While she may have started as a single-note - gun-crazy, hard-ass, special forces - she's really developed over the four seasons. I am sure a lot of the credit for that goes to Erica Cerra.

What do I love about this character?

First, she is strong, both emotionally and physically. She was an Army Ranger and can kick serious butt. We've seen her take on several opponents and win (or at least hold her own). We've also seen her deal with pain, loss, and heartbreak without turning to a weepy pile of goo. There are so many female characters on tv and in movies that turn into the stereotype of the helpless woman when a man is involved.

And that brings me to her relationships. She has them (both romantic and platonic). She's had several boyfriends throughout the series, but isn't defined by her relationship to them. Her relationship with Taggert brought out a new side, with her sunbathing in the buff, something unexpected for a character seen as tight-laced up until then. I think that's when I really started noticing that she had more dimensions.

She and Carter are friends. Period. They lived together briefly after her house was destroyed and nothing happened. How cool is that? Because a lot of shows would use a set-up like that to force sexual tension. Having her be just friends with men is what real life is like. (Really, being alone with a man doesn't mean anything happens.) The ease of their friendship, their trust, their occasional arguments, those are what make it 'real'.

And then there's Zane. I admit, this is my current favorite story arc. We've seen Jo flirty, vulnerable, angry, pissed off, deliriously happy, devastated, and a whole range of other emotions with Zane. She hasn't changed herself for him (big feminist point in her favor there) and even gave him up when the paradigm shifted (I'm so glad he is trying to find out what they were). He's a good match for her since she's such a strong character. He challenges her and she brings out the best in him. He knows she can beat him to a pulp and finds it sexy rather than intimidating. She was briefly insecure about his intelligence until she realized she has a different kind of smarts.

And those smarts, let's talk about that. She is a very able investigator, especially in a town like Eureka. She may not know all the science, but she knows how to ask questions and put the pieces together. She's creative (note the season 4 episode "Liftoff" for an example; she gets around pretty well when the town loses all power). She wouldn't be a good deputy or head of GD security if she was just brawn; she has the brains to back up her position.

So, we have a woman who loves guns, knows how to fight, has relationships, can think for herself. And let's not forget beautiful, because sometimes the price to pay for a woman on tv having brains is to be mousy. Pretty well-rounded, in my book. I increasingly look at characters from a feminist stand-point; I think a lot of that has to do with feminist ideals in characters matching more with well-rounded characters. I think Jo Lupo wins on both counts. She's someone young girls can look up to and someone who would make a great friend. She can fall in love and talk about more than men.

Education opportunities in Bloomington

2011-07-12T11:27:00.000-04:00

It is pretty much acknowledged that the current state of education is not great. I don't know if I'd go so far as calling it abysmal in general, but there is so much to be sad about. There have been articles and articles and more articles written about the loss of creativity and innovation in education, about how our children are learning rote information to pass a test but not the skills needed to compete in the 21st century.

There are lots of ideas about how to change education. There are even alternatives to traditional public schools. There are several options even in Bloomington: Harmony School, The Project School, New Tech High School. I think it's great there are alternatives here.

But. I think our family is in a similar position to a lot of people in town. We just can't afford to pay tuition for 13 years of elementary, middle and high school. New Tech is part of MCCSC, but that's a long way away. Harmony School sounds wonderful, but when we've scrimped to afford preschool and have to save up for college, and we have tax dollars paying for the local public schools... well, 8% of monthly income for 1 kid or 12% for 2 is just more than we could swing.

And there are those tax dollars we are paying for our public schools. Are they perfect? No. Do they need improving? I'd say yes. But I want to see some of the innovations of private alternative schools, at least the ones that are doing a good job, be incorporated into our public schools rather than just see those who can afford it jump ship leaving a sub-par education for the rest of us.

Can we recognize that all this testing and teaching to the test is not the answer? We've tried it and survey says it's not working. Can we actually work to fix our public schools? Private, charter, alternative or religious - all these other schools aren't necessarily better. Some are and we need to look at what works. Some aren't and we need to learn from that too.

But this system is broken. And my kids will be starting school in the next couple of years. I just hope we can inspire them to be creative and explore and find science and art and music and all the stuff that's lost these days fascinating. I'm thankful we have things like Mythbusters to show them that science can be fun and Khan Academy to help them when their teachers are too busy trying to control 30 kids. We have resources in town because of IU and Ivy Tech that will hopefully inspire the boys.

Ain't it the truth

2011-07-06T13:25:00.000-04:00

Because it is so true, I must share today's xkcd webcomic. I can't tell you how many times I've been home all day and missed a delivery or service call. And for those not familiar with this brilliant webcomic, there is always an extra treat if you hover your mouse over it (although I don't know if that is only on the xkcd site).

The letter

2011-06-29T16:33:00.000-04:00

This week's prompt from the Red Dress Club was intriguing, so I tried my hand at it.

"You or your character find a forgotten letter or card from someone important in your life--whether good or bad. What does it say? How does it affect you or your character? What is done with it?

"Keep your posts to 600 words and come back and link up on Friday, July 1st!"

Here's the background on this. I took characters from my NaNoWriMo novel, which I am currently revising, and put together a scene. It turns out this scene fits really well into the story, so I am actually adding it.... to the final chapter. So, if you are in my writing group or otherwise don't want the story spoiled, you've been warned. This will spoil several surprises.

The telling of the tale didn’t take very long. When all was done, the fact remained that Crofter’s Edge was just as bare as when Alyth left.

“Did you know abut the dragons, Grandmother?” Alyth asked. Her grandmother hadn’t seemed surprised to meet Rillen and Dargon, unlike her grandfather, who was still speechless.

“I did, but…. I didn’t really believe it. And it didn’t matter anyway. At least, I thought it didn’t,” Grandmother admitted, rising from her chair. She crossed the room, pausing in the doorway to her bedroom. Her gaze rested on Rillen a moment before flickering back to meet Alyth’s eyes. “I have something to show you.”

Grandmother disappeared into her room. They all waited quietly, the sounds of shuffling and scraping in the next room breaking the silence. Just as Alyth’s curiosity became too much, Grandmother emerged, gingerly holding a folded piece of yellowed paper.

“Is that…?” Rillen caught her breath, unable to finish her question.

Grandmother met Rillen’s eyes and nodded as she handed the brittle sheet to Alyth. Alyth hesitated a moment, frowning as tears appeared in Rillen’s eyes. She looked down at the paper in her hands, carefully unfolding it.

“Its a letter,” she told Dargon and her grandfather. “Written in a very elegant hand,” she added. She read it silently to herself, then cleared her throat to read it aloud.

“My dearest, beloved Suva,

“I want you to know first that you and your father are the best things that ever
happened to me. You may not believe me, but it is true. I don’t want to leave but I
must. There are so many things I need to tell you. I hope you will believe me.

“I once was a dragon. The wheres and why-fors of how that all changed are too
complicated to explain. But the fact remains, and so you, too, carry dragon blood in
your veins.

“The dragon blood is where your special gift comes from. It’s something to be proud
of but not everyone will understand. That’s also where you get your glorious red hair.
That’s important, because you can identify your dragon kin by their red or black hair.

“But that’s not the most important thing. What you need to know is why I must
leave. You see, dragons live a very long time. You must have noticed that I look
much younger than your friends’ mothers.

“I can’t answer their questions, thus I must leave. That’s what my life has become:
always moving on. Except here. I stayed here and fell in love and raised a wonderful
daughter. I forgot myself for a time.

“You need to know and understand this because I don’t want you to hate me. But
more importantly you need to know this because I don’t know if you will one day
need to leave for the same reason.

“I never meant for all this to happen, but I wouldn’t trade you for anything.

“With all my love, your mother,

“Rillen”

Alyth wiped her eyes as she finished. She looked up to see Rillen with tears streaming down her cheeks.

The final straw

2011-06-24T12:28:00.000-04:00

Anyone who has followed this blog for a while is probably familiar with our stormy relationship with tv services. We've tried more than once to ditch Comcast and get AT&T's U-verse, to no avail. Yep, we're too far to get a signal because of old lines in our neighborhood. So we've grudgingly stuck with the cable company.

Well, that has finally ended. We're done. I called and canceled service this morning. We ordered DirecTv last night, to be installed tomorrow. Yes, I canceled before the new service is up and running, but we haven't had cable since Tuesday and weren't going to have it back until Monday. At least we're saving a day or two of paying for service we can't use.

So here's the story. The cable suddenly went out Tuesday. I didn't call right away, because sometimes it's just a flaky connection. I wanted Chris to take a look first. He couldn't make it work, so we were pretty sure it was once again a bad box. We've had several before.

I called Wednesday and let them walk me through various steps to confirm that, yep, the box is bad. I know the drill: get a new box. Only problem? The service center in Bloomington is gone. The nearest one is in Columbus. They offered to send a tech to switch out the box, at no cost, with the caveat that if they did find it wasn't the box we might be charged. The time-frame? Thursday between 1 and 5. No problem. I was going to be home all afternoon.

Thursday. No one came. Apparently the tech did call, but I missed answering and there was no message. When I called at 4:50, they told me they had called, but since I didn't answer, they didn't come. Um, aren't those courtesy calls anyway? Why didn't they come knock on the door? Or leave a message? Seriously, even a message that I needed to call and reschedule would have been better. The soonest they could schedule another tech to come out? Monday afternoon.

So what would you do? Would you drive an hour to Columbus, then an hour back, to replace the box? Or wait for the tech to come Monday? Since this wasn't our first experience with poor customer service from Comcast, we chose option 3. We jumped ship and signed up for satellite service. They can install it on Saturday. Considering it was 11 p.m. Thursday when we did this, I think Saturday afternoon is darn reasonable.

Want to know the kicker? When I called Comcast this morning to cancel, they tried to make it all my fault. I didn't answer the phone. Their notes showed there was no way to leave a message. Bullshit. My answering machine works just fine, on the 4th ring. I even got 2 messages on it yesterday. Bye-bye Comcast!

I know this is getting long, but I have a few more things I'd like to mention. First, have you ever noticed that people will recommend their satellite or other alternative service but NO ONE likes their cable company? It seems consumers are realizing this but the cable companies aren't.

Second, related to the first, when I posted to Twitter and Facebook last night asking for recommendations and griping about our experience, I got several interesting comments that I would like to share:

Third, just for those interested, the reason we chose DirecTv is that they have the best 3D programming, which we can't take advantage of yet, but we'll eventually get a 3D tv, what with Chris's avocation being 3D, so we wanted to be prepared.

"Good for you! Eff Comcast and their awful customer service!"
"I just saw you went with DirecTV. I love our Dish Network, although we still need to get them off our ATT bill!"
"we are planning on doing this when we move but we move in 20 days so we are waiting till then.""I'm glad to be done with Comcast altogether. We always had great techs with DirecTv and good customer service."
"Comcast is ridiculous. Isn't it more of a courtesy call to say they're on their way? They should still show... We liked Directv."
"We got fed up w/ comcast & cancelled. We just have Netflix right now & the local HD channels that are free."
"one of the reasons I hated Comcast, at least in this area."
"Thinking about doing the same next week!"

Third, just for those interested, the reason we chose DirecTv is that they have the best 3D programming, which we can't take advantage of yet, but we'll eventually get a 3D tv, what with Chris's avocation being 3D, so we wanted to be prepared.

Also, if anyone wants to switch to DirecTv, let me know and I can give a referral through their "Refer a Friend" program where both of us would save $10 for 10 months on our bills. (You need to sign up through a special website or phone number and give them our account number to take advantage.)

What's in a name?

2011-06-22T15:54:00.001-04:00

The other day Chris and I were discussing the ramifications of women changing their names when they get married. There can be sexism involved, with the assumption that women should take their husband's name. Do a Google search and you will find lots of articles discussing the topic.

There are more and more women choosing either to hyphenate or to keep their 'maiden' name. There are coupes who both hyphenate. Some create an entirely new last name. And I suppose there are some men who take their wife's last name. Lots of solutions for lots of people.

I can only speak personally, so here's my answer to the question of to change or not to change.

When we got married, I wanted us to share a last name, to create a family unit. Last name may not matter to some, but to me, it was important that we be a unit, especially once we had kids.

Hyphenating didn't appeal to me.

So his, mine or ours? I admit I hadn't thought of 'ours'. And here's some brutal honesty. I wasn't attached to my last name. Really, the only connection I wanted to keep to it was my parents - and they weren't going anywhere. Here's more brutal honesty. It is free and easy for a woman to change her last name when she gets married. And free fit our budget. Is it right that a woman can walk in with a marriage certificate and change her name but a man can't? No. But that's the blunt truth in our society.

So, there was my answer. To me, it wasn't about patriarchy. It was a practical decision based on goals that I had. Chris has always been supportive of that, even insisting that we be introduced with both our first names at our wedding reception because we were both individuals.

So what did you choose and why?

Best poster ever

2011-06-08T14:47:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I saw a poster shared on Facebook. The furthest I've been able to track it down is to a post on Asking for Consent is Sexy. It is the best sexual assault prevention poster I have ever seen. (I would love to give appropriate credit, so if anyone knows who created this, let me know.)

I think from the number of people who are responding so positively that others agree with me that it is about time this poster was created.

Every time I have heard about sexual assault prevention tips, it has been about what a woman can do to make herself less of a target and how to fend off an attacker. It's been about making the potential victim feel unsafe and powerless because they are female.

Yes, women aren't the only victims, but they are the majority and the ones who are told that it is their fault if they do get assaulted. They are told that if they dress too sexy, they deserve it. If they drink, they deserve it.

Finally, someone looked at true prevention: stop the perpetrators! If a woman dresses sexily, she doesn't deserve to be assaulted. She isn't "asking for it". Even if she is looking for sex, she's looking for consensual sex, not rape.

There have been several high profile cases recently that have been all about victim blaming and it pisses me off. Here are a bunch of people who seem to be saying that women need to be protected from themselves because they 1) dressed sluttily, 2) were drinking, 3) did something else that made them a willing target. I'm sorry, but in these cases it is the MEN who need to be protected from themselves and their misogynistic, paternalistic selves and their sense of entitlement.

We live in a society that generally objects to certain countries requiring women to cover themselves from head to toe. The rationalization on that, which seems to go beyond religious requirements from my limited understanding, seems to be that men are incapable of controlling themselves if they so much as see the tiniest bit of a woman's skin.

Seriously? If a man can't control himself, it is NOT the woman's fault. So let's stop blaming women. And let's start teaching actual prevention tips like number 10: "Don't assault people."

A woman, or any person, should be able to walk home in the dark, even dressed in what some would consider provocative clothing, and not have to worry. A woman, or any person, should be able to have a drink at a party or a beer in a bar and not have to worry. A woman, or any person, should feel safe in their own home.

This is what I love about this poster; it puts the responsibility for preventing assaults on the people who have the most ability to stop them: the potential perpetrators.

Act 3

2011-06-07T13:55:00.000-04:00

It occurred to me that it has been 18 years (yikes!) since I graduated high school and this fall will be 15 years since I graduated college. Back in high school, I had a terrible time imagining myself in the future.

The career fair folks hated me because I just saw a blank slate. I don't know, I guess that's not a bad thing; I've been able to fill in that blank slate as I go. In college, I majored in Environmental Science and really enjoyed my classes. I haven't used my degree since 1998, though. I discovered I didn't like working in a lab when I interned at Argonne National Lab. But that's ok. I learned a lot and microbiology and toxicology classes can come in handy in every day life.

I'm lucky enough that I've been able to reinvent myself a little along the way. I'm not the same person I was 18 years ago; I don't think most people are. They talk a lot about retirees having a second act. And maybe for earlier generations the post-career career was a second act. But for a lot of us, that'll be the 5th or 9th or 21st act. I'm already on at least my third. And I'm not just talking jobs but finding out who we are.

What have I filled in on that blank slate? Well, I couldn't have imagined my husband - I hadn't met him. And the idea of kids was very vague in high school. I had a college major picked out, but we can see how long that lasted. Would I have pictured myself at a credit union? Nope. Or how about moving to Indiana? Considering I was only familiar with northern Indiana and hadn't seen the hills of Bloomington, I would have laughed.

Right now I'm in a temporary place: full-time mom. Yes, I know I'll always be mom. But when the kids are in school, they won't need me all the time, which is as it should be. When I'm done with the stay at home mom thing in a couple years, I'm going to go back to school. It's a scary prospect, but that's part of reinventing myself. You see, I have discovered that I like data. And there are degrees out there for people who like to play with data.

Will there be something else after that? Who knows. I'll never say never. And the advantage of living in a university town is that learning new things is always possible, even encouraged. The next act is always just around the corner waiting to be discovered.

So what about you? Is your life what you imagined? How is it different or the same?

Our garden, a work in progress

2011-05-30T19:37:00.000-04:00

After several years of neglect, we have really been working on the gardens this year, trying to make the yard look nice and finish projects in progress. I took some pictures today; there are some areas that are looking really good and some that need a lot more work.

Happy rose

I'm very pleased that my roses are doing well. This one in particular is happy - on the northeast side of the house! It smells marvelous.

The area off the back patio is coming together nicely

One area that needs some work is the shade garden. It has 'good bones' so it's just a matter of clearing out unwanted plants and making it pretty.

There's a bird bath hiding in there

Shade garden

We have done some work the last few years to remove the invasive honey suckle from along the back fence. There is still much to do as a lot of weeds are growing there, including some chokeberry. Plus we need to remove the honeysuckle stumps. That's also where Chris's nemesis, poison ivy, tends to lurk.

Along the back fence

One of my favorite hidden treasures

Currently I am working on clearing the grass from around some blue rug junipers I planted years ago along the driveway. We've mulched what is clear, but we still need to expand the line so they have room to grow.

Blue rug junipers

We've been working on putting hardy water-tolerant plants in the front ditch. Because of the slope, it's not a fun area to mow so our goal is to fill it with plants. They need to tolerate a lot of water but also be hardy enough to not need watering. So, lots of day lilies, sedum, black eyed Susan, and periwinkle.

Front ditch

Another area we've been working on is the front 'island' where we have 2 redbud trees, 2 tulip poplars, native grass, 'ditch lilies', burning bush, peonies, and some bulbs.

Front island

Front island, from the other side

Then there's my 'rose garden', which is very sad. Even though it is on the south side of the house, the roses there aren't thriving as much as the backyard rose. They have also been neglected a bit, so we are starting to connect them into their own bed which will eventually expand to join the bed along the front of the house.

Rose garden

Old-fashioned rose

Bed along the front of the house

There is a surprise in our back yard. He's been a good friend. One day I hope to build a bed around him, but that is for another year.

Our alien friend

We bought a rain barrel last year. Chris still needs to cut the gutter and hook it up. It would probably be full if we had gotten that done before April!

Rain barrel

And because every garden should have one because he was a friend to animals:

St. Francis of Assisi

Miss Scarlet

2011-05-23T09:11:00.000-04:00

This is a somewhat fictionalized memory written based on the following prompt from The Red Dress Club.

This week, we want you to recall the games you played when you were young.

Did you love Monopoly, Yahtzee, or Uno? Or did you prefer backgammon, Trouble, or Scrabble?

Write a piece that explores one of your memories.

Let's have a 600 word limit.

We all wanted to be Miss Scarlet. Six young girls sat on a suburban porch, game board balanced on a table made from an old electrical wire spool, ready to play Clue. But first we had to argue over a little red token.

"I'm the oldest. I get to choose first," my sister, Tracy, declared.

"Not fair! you would always go first if we did that," Sarah protested.

"I never get to choose first. I think it's my turn." It was true. Gretchen never got to choose first.

"I'm the youngest. Shouldn't I choose first?" I knew I would lose the argument, but it was worth a try.

"You know I'm always Miss Scarlet." Becky snatched up the prized piece, placing it triumphantly on the board.

"Hey!" her twin, Susie, exclaimed with a frown. But it had been inevitable. Sticking our her tongue, she quickly grabbed her second choice, Mrs. Peacock, and placed the blue token in its starting place.

The rest of us took our usual characters: Mrs. White for Sarah, Mr. Green for Tracy, Mr. Plum for Gretchen, and Col. Mustard for me. The game quickly got started, as it did each time. We searched for clues to who dunnit, drinking lemonade and laughing.

Later in the evening we would play Kick the Can or Leftover Sardines, ranging along the whole block, most yards open to us, but afternoons, in the heat of the day, we played board games on our front porch. Some days it was Monopoly or Trivial Pursuit or Mousetrap.

It's funny, looking back. Any other game I would have picked yellow without thinking twice. Yellow was my favorite color back then, a happy, sunny color. Tracy was always green, her favorite color. But add the characters and their personalities... well, what little girl wanted to be one of the men?

I still have that same copy of Clue. It sits on the game shelf along with the new version of Clue and all our other games. It still has some of the old marked up clue sheets from when we were young. My husband and I don't play games as often as we'd like these days, but we try. Games matter. They have been an important part of both of our lives.

our game stash

Oh, and sometimes Miss Scarlet did it.

Phineas and Ferb philosophy of life

2011-05-19T20:43:00.000-04:00

I downloaded the Phineas and Ferb soundtrack album (available on iTunes) and listen to it a lot. It's amazing how many good songs in such a variety of genres they can come up with. Ok, some are silly, but it's a great album and the kids like it too. I admit, I love that show. There is so much good about it, and it's been written about extensively, but the expanded theme song, "It's Gonna Be a Great Day" by Bowling for Soup, is a wonderful philosophy for life.

Here is the song, although the person who transcribed the lyrics made a few errors.

The chorus is fantastic:

"This could possibly be the best day ever.
And the forecast says that tomorrow will likely be
a million and six times better.

So make every minute count.
Jump up, jump in and seize the day.
And let's make sure that in every single possible way
Today is gonna be a great day!"

Seriously, go back and read that again.

Now go do it.

TEDxBloomington

2011-05-15T12:53:00.001-04:00

I spent the day yesterday at the Buskirk-Chumley Theater at the TEDxBloomington conference. There were many amazing speakers, all based around the idea of "The Wisdom of Play".

I admit, I'm a TED addict. I love watching TED talks. Despite freezing (the theater was cold!), I had a fabulous time.

Some highlights (the program can be found here):

Section one was about Wisdom.

Stephen K. Hayes, ninja, got things started with great stories about playing roles (the Dalai Lama) and having the wisdom to know when to fight and when to give in (magazine cover shoot). (YouTube video)

Debby Herbenick, Editor-in-Chief of MySexProfessor.com, likened sex to a tree house using aspects of both (perspective, exclusivity, playful discovery, risk, sharing ideas, the moment, getting back up). And she made everyone want to eat strawberries. (YouTube video)

Bryan Stuart talked about getting involved in One Laptop per Child even though he had no idea what he was doing when he started. (YouTube video)

Keith Johnson talked about organic gardening and permaculture. (YouTube video)

Nolan Harrison III is my new hero. He made me cry with his story about stepping up to the plate and being the superhero he had always aspired to be. Yep, his talk was about superheroes. (YouTube video)

Section two was about Learning. A lot of the ideas about rethinking schools really hit home for me. Shouldn't learning be fun?

Gever Tulley talked about his Tinkering School and Brightworks and how he is changing what school is all about. A lot of the principles he talks about can be used outside the classroom, but this is a good place to start the discussion about rethinking the classroom. I need to go buy "50 Dangerous Things (you should let your children do)" now. (YouTube video)

Sarah Elizabeth Ippel, founder of the Academy for Global Citizenship school in Chicago, showed another new model for a school. Some ideas that rattle around in my brain from her talk: "Play isn't what we do; it's how we do it." "Play is taking the ordinary and making it magical." (YouTube video)

Amy Yurko, an architect, showed some ways to use building design in rethinking schools. Why do we live in a world where we've partitioned play from learning? Kids don't distinguish until we tell them "play here; learn here." (YouTube video)

Lindsay Manfredi introduced us to Girls Rock and their mission to build positive self-esteem in young girls through music. If you have a daughter, this is something she should do. (YouTube video)

Edward Castronova talked about gaming and the importance of games. Games can help us learn about complex situations. And while people talk about games and virtual worlds as an escape, he prefers to think of them as a refuge, and a refuge is somewhere to look for home. (YouTube video)

Section three centered on Creativity. It started with a bang with a wonderful story from Arbutus Cunningham. (YouTube video)

Marc and Sara Schiller showcased street art and explained how street art isn't about vandalism. (There's a difference.) A lot of the art they showed was about rediscovering the world around us and seeing what is easy to miss. (YouTube video)

Jeff Nelsen, known for the Canadian Brass, talked about overcoming fear in performance. He pointed out that we perform all day, all over the place and fear is a choice. (It isn't the audience that makes us afraid; it's our awareness of that audience.) Performance is about 3 things - the What, the How, and the Why. Focusing on Why you perform can help. Surrender. Be creative - find ways to fool yourself, be solution-based, and perform as often as possible. Share your stuff. (YouTube video)

Charlie Todd, founder of Improv Everywhere, talked about how he started doing what he does and shared some of the group's missions. I have to admit I was really excited about this one and talked to him for a minute during a break to admit I'm a fan and love watching their videos. (YouTube video)

Stephen Volan, a local city councilman, told his personal story of learning to interpret social interaction through improv to cope with Asperger's Syndrome. (YouTube video)

Corey Jefferson got us all on our feet for a quick improv exercise. (YouTube video)

Section four centered on Play.

Robert Scoble led off with a sobering talk about how we need to make mastery trump knowledge. We need to teach kids skills. We're teaching to the test (something few will argue with) rather than the creativity that they need. "We have a strategic plan. It's called Doing Things." (YouTube video)

Seth Frey, founder of a local housing co-op, talked about learning to share and finding solutions to common problems (provisioning public goods, bargaining & coordination, sharing common pool resources). (YouTube video)

Jessica Quirk talked about the importance of clothing (not fashion). If you doubt this, "try running in flip flops." She asked us all to go home and give a piece of clothing some significance. She's been photographing her outfits for several years and posting them at What I Wore. (YouTube video)

Muffy Davis, a World Champion athlete, talked about her life, going from an up-and-coming young athlete to a para-athlete after a ski accident. She talked about not giving up. Difference isn't less. The phrase she used over and over was "If I can do this, I can do anything." It was really inspiring to listen to her. (YouTube video)

The final speaker was Shawn Achor, a positive psychologist. He shared his favorite fake graph, which he used to illustrate the idea that statistics removes outliers so we study the average. But if we study the average, we will remain average. The lens we look at the world through is important and we can't let the external world be equated to happiness and success. If we decide we will be happy when we accomplish something, the goal posts will always move and we will never be happy. When we are positive in the present, the brain works better (enjoy the now!). A lot of his research is what my philosophy has been (I just don't have the degrees and research) so I really got what he was saying. (YouTube video)

All in all, it was a really good day and I want to do more. I would love to see what we can take from yesterday and integrate into the local school system. And I really want to see a group in Bloomington do some flash mob stuff a la Improv Everywhere.

NOTE: Edited with the new YouTube links replacing the outdated ustream links.

Fact checking

2011-05-11T15:51:00.000-04:00

People who know me are probably well aware that I am angry about the recently passed and now signed Indiana law defunding Planned Parenthood. I am angry because I think it is an assault on women's healthcare.

I know a number of women who have relied or still do rely on Planned Parenthood for family planning, pap smears, mammograms, and all the other services they provide. There are a lot of people on Medicaid who will now not be able to receive that care. All because a group of people wants to make it as hard as possible to get an abortion and people apparently don't care that abortion is a tiny portion of the services Planned Parenthood provides.

I have heard a couple of comments that I would like to address. And I intend to cite my sources rather than just throw information out there since there is misleading information everywhere.

"I don't want my tax dollars paying for abortions."
Good. They don't. They are prevented from paying for abortions, other than the 3 stipulated exceptions of the Hyde Amendment, by federal law. In fact, several states, including Indiana, also have laws on the books prohibiting tax money from paying for abortion services.

Under Medicaid, family planning services, not including abortion, must be covered. Read the very long, very tedious, Title XIX, section 1902 of the Social Security Act, to learn more about the operation of state Medicaid plans.

And speaking of Medicaid funding, yes, the state could lose federal funding for Medicaid by enacting the law. See Title XIX, section 1904 of the Social Security Act.

"Planned Parenthood is just an abortion provider."
I beg to differ, but the majority of services provided by Planned Parenthood are not abortions. The Planned Parenthood of Indiana 2010 Annual Report has a very easy to read chart detailing the services provided in the state and demographic information on their clients (page 9). Really, out of over 244,000 patient visits and over 85,000 patients, that they performed 5,580 abortions is really a small percentage. Yes, 5,580 is a large number and I for one would like that number to be smaller. But approximately 2.25% of patient visits...

There's even a nifty website called FactCheck.org which has answered both of these questions on a national scale.

So here's my gripe.

The 97+% of non-abortion services that Planned Parenthood provides are going to not be funded in Indiana. So the over 386,000 contraceptives that were dispensed might not be this year. Which in all likelihood will lead to more unplanned pregnancies. Which will lead to 1) more abortions or 2) a drain on welfare dollars since a lot of those mothers likely use Planned Parenthood because they are unable to afford other healthcare, don't have insurance other than Medicaid, and are thus living below 250% of the federal poverty rate (if you read Title XIX, section 1902, you would know that is the income requirement), thus meaning that they likely receive some sort of assistance.

And all those women who can't afford Pap tests and mammograms, and all the men and women who don't get STD tests, will not get the preventive care they need. When the potential cancers are found, they will be much more costly and harder to treat.

So not funding Planned Parenthood, rather than saving Indiana residents tax money, could very well cost us more. And cause larger problems. And if you think other providers will be easy to find or not be overwhelmed, well, maybe you should read this.

Perspective

2011-05-10T11:22:00.000-04:00

My two year old reminded me today of a lesson I try to teach my boys.

Me, griping: "There are a lot of bad drivers out today."

Sam: "But Mommy, they aren't bad. They're nice."

Me: "You're right. They're just making poor decisions today."

Just that little reminder, that we all make poor decisions, calmed me. I could feel my blood pressure drop back to normal. Because I'm sure I've done bone-headed things while driving - forgetting to signal, getting confused which lane I should be in, maybe stopping a little too late and quickly. Haven't we all?

And that little parenting lesson, telling my sons that I still love them even when I don't like their behavior, is about separating the person from the action.

Remembering that the driver who just cut you off isn't really a bad person sure can make you remember that they are a person. The driver isn't the car, which is easy to transfer anger to, inanimate object that it is. And the driver is only human and humans make mistakes.

I bet removing my anger and aggression (ok, more annoyance than anger) made me a better driver so someone else wasn't griping about my ability to safely maneuver a car.

Least presidential thing

2011-05-03T15:34:00.001-04:00

With all the hoopla Sunday night and since about the killing of Osama bin Laden, there is a movie quote that keeps running through my mind. It's a quote from "The American President" (1995).

President Andrew Shepherd: What I did tonight was not about political gain.
Leon Kodak: Yes sir. But it can be, sir. What you did tonight was very presidential.
President Andrew Shepherd: Leon, somewhere in Libya right now, a janitor's working the night shift at Libyan Intelligence headquarters. He's going about doing his job... because he has no idea, in about an hour he's going to die in a massive explosion. He's just going about his job, because he has no idea that about an hour ago I gave an order to have him killed. You've just seen me do the least presidential thing I do.

Michael Douglas plays President Andrew Shepherd. If you haven't seen the movie, I highly recommend it.

While I understand the necessity, I find the euphoria.... uncalled for? Cheap? A lot of other people have pinpointed some of the uncomfortable feelings I have watching the cheering crowds and reading the smack talk on Twitter. So I'll share one that I think makes the point rather well.

I found links on Feministing and GOOD to this post on ColorLines.

Pictures from my 4 year old

2011-05-01T10:01:00.000-04:00

Wil discovered my digital camera yesterday and has been taking pictures ever since (almost 200 so far). Very few have been so out of focus that I just deleted them (about 5). the vast majority are just things he found interesting, like the wall, the stairs, the grass.... But a few are actually pretty good.

Wil's guitar

Portrait of a dinosaur

Dinosaur family

Wheelbarrow wheel

Study of a wheelbarrow

Car

Hi Daddy! I found the camera!

Action shot of Daddy working

Mommy, how does this work?

Picture of Mommy & Sam

self-portrait of the artist

This is just a small selection, but I was quite impressed with the composition of some of the photos.

Reflections on a royal wedding

2011-04-29T11:47:00.000-04:00

There has been a lot of talk about today's royal wedding. I know a lot of people who most definitely didn't watch it and think the hoopla is ridiculous. I also know some people who got up early to watch and have been following the details since the engagement. I fall in the middle ground of being aware and vaguely interested - and I realized this morning why.

I was 6 years old in 1981 when Prince Charles married Lady Diana, the picture-perfect fairy tale.... at least at that point. At 6, it really seemed a fairy tale come true, at a time and age when fairy tales were a major part of my world view. Look at young girls now, obsessed with the Disney princesses. The idea of happy ever after, finding true love, living the fairy tale, seems like the best thing in the world at that age. It's before we've figured out all the bad stuff in the world and realized that the best fairy tale is the one where the princess saves herself. (May I recommend "The Practical Princess" as required enlightened fairy tale reading?)

I remember watching the wedding. I followed the fairy tale as it fell apart. I watched the beautiful princess become more beautiful as she found herself and ditched her prince. Yes, I grew up and knew this was a real marriage falling apart. But Princess Diana was kind of like the book or movie character that holds a soft place in your heart even years later. Over the years, I didn't follow obsessively, but I certainly knew when she left the castle and set out on her own.... and that was actually kind of empowering.

When she died, I stayed up late watching coverage, crying. It was the end of the fairy tale. For anyone who remembers where they were when Kennedy was shot, or still tears up thinking about the Twin Towers, sometimes things move us even when we are far removed. It's not really rational, but it's true.

So this morning I realized that Princess Diana is why I am mildly interested in the royal spectacle. The royal family has changed a lot since her time because of her. And now one of her sons is getting married, starting his own fairy tale, but one grounded in reality. I don't know if I can find the words to explain exactly, but it has to do with seeing something beautiful come from all the pain of the past.

William and Kate have done so many things right. They didn't follow the mistakes of the past. So seeing the glowing bride, the bride who knows what she is taking on, and the handsome prince, who seems grounded in reality, take the first steps on their journey together, is a creating a happy ending to the fairy tale that started 30 years ago. Here at last is the happy ever after.

So, I've seen the picture of the happy couple. And I've heard their vows (played over and over on the radio). And I'm ready to let them have their lives, wishing them a long and happy marriage.

What I believe

2011-04-28T16:16:00.000-04:00

I believe there is a lot of good in this world. I believe that most people have good intentions and will do the right thing if given the chance. I believe that ignorance is our greatest threat, not maliciousness.

I believe that we can all benefit a lot by picturing ourselves in the other person's shoes.

I believe in the power of positive thought. I believe we can change the world and that each individual can make a difference. I believe that things may get worse but they will also get better. I believe sometimes we have to lose in order to win.

I believe in love, and peace, and friendship. I believe in happiness. I believe in finding the silver lining. I believe that reading opens worlds. I believe a hug can cure a bruised heart and a kiss can make a booboo feel better. I believe tears can heal. I believe in joy.

I believe we are all imperfect and that's the way it should be. I believe our differences are what offer spice to life. I believe we can learn from each other. I believe an open heart and mind are essential tools.

I believe in luck, but I believe more in hard work. I believe we are never too old or too young to learn something new. I believe in finding our dreams, then following them.

I believe in all that is good and right. And I believe that if I believe, all that is good and right will be true.

Laundry made easy

2011-04-27T13:37:00.000-04:00

Laundry never ends. That's just a fact of life. I don't have a particular laundry day, which works great for us. I just throw a load in when one needs washing. It can take all day by the time I remember to put it in the dryer (or for it to dry on the line when the weather is nice), but that's ok.

We came up with a system that makes it very easy. We have 2 hampers in our room, one for delicates and one for regulars.

Delicates go in the lavender, regulars in the green.

We don't have enough whites for a separate load, and I don't usually sort lights and darks unless I have a bunch of new clothes. Really, it doesn't matter. The boys have a basket in their room for their clothes. Theirs just all get done as a regular load (if they do have something delicate, like rare dressy clothes, they go in the hamper in our room.)

Here's where the genius of this system comes into play: I only do a load when a hamper is full. Everything is pre-sorted, so I don't waste time on that task. I usually don't have multiple loads to do on any given day.

As for sheets and towels, I do those in between.

Decisions, decisions

2011-04-20T18:24:00.000-04:00

As a parent, there are so many decisions to make, many of which have such long-ranging consequences that one could easily end up paralyzed in indecision.

We're currently facing the choice of which year of preschool to enroll Sam in. With his birthday falling when it does, he could be in the 3 year old room. But, despite how much he tries to keep up with Wil, I think the 3 year old room, which requires quite a bit of independence (along with being potty trained), might be too much for him. So he's going to be in the 2 year old room. It is much freer, with fewer expectations for sitting quietly, etc, that I just don't think he's ready for.

It's been a tough decision for a couple reasons. The preschool recommends him following through to the 3 year room the following year, then the pre-K class. The pre-K class really prepares kids for Kindergarten, when they will need to do a lot on their own because the teacher just won't have the time to devote to each kid in growing classrooms. And the 3 year old room prepares the kids for the pre-K class. So if we follow the pattern, he won't begin Kindergarten until he's 6. (If he started 'on time' he would barely be 5 and be the youngest in his class; starting at 6 he's be the oldest.)

Because I'm a planner, I'm already projecting where Sam will be in the future, even though he's only 2. Will he graduate at 17 or 18? Because when he starts Kindergarten affects that too.

Why is this such a tough decision? In so many ways, Sam has always been ahead. We have to stop and remind ourselves that he is just 2 because he tries to hard to do everything Wil does. Academically, my guess is he'd be fine. Knowing numbers, letters, shapes, colors... that's the easy part of school at this age. On the emotional maturity side, he's having a hard time being away from Mommy. He was thrown for a loop when Chris was gone for 3 days at a convention.

I guess it really wasn't that hard of a decision when we sat down and talked about it. It was more a matter of overcoming our own expectations. Really, just the fact that I was questioning what we should do gave us our answer. For Sam, he needs the extra hand-holding of the 2 year old room next year. He'll likely start Kindergarten at 6. It won't scar him. Graduating at 18 is still normal; Wil will be 18 when he graduates. And graduating at 17 might just be too young for him. And he won't be all that different from those kids with August birthdays.

As the preschool director said, she has never heard of a parent regretting waiting a year to send their child to Kindergarten, but she has heard several, including herself, regret sending them too early.

Value of a quarter

2011-04-14T18:57:00.001-04:00

When the boys were infants, we started savings accounts for them where we are saving for college. But we have also started a system where they can earn money for special treats.

The boys each have a jar. They earn quarters for doing little chores (their first job is feeding the cats). We've also recently added earning a quarter for picking a small bucket full of dandelions (because as much as I'd like to dig them all out, picking the flowers before they go to seed is more likely to happen). Grandma & Grandpa sometimes include a dollar or two in holiday cards and that money goes in their special jars.

Sam's earnings

When they have saved enough, we let them pick something special to buy. Sam is still getting the hang of it, but Wil is learning to wait.

Wil with his jar of earnings

Wil has a list of Thomas trains that he wants to buy. He asks me to count his quarters periodically to see if he has enough. Since he's 4, I don't make him save every penny to buy one. He had over $10 today, so we went to the store where he picked a train ($13). Yes, I covered the difference, but savings that $10 took a long time. At 4, we need to slowly work toward an eventual goal of having him earn the full $13. He's getting the point and doesn't yet understand the price stickers, so that lesson can wait while we build up endurance saving.

Sam had saved $7, so he chose a train too, only a less expensive Chuggington one. At 2, he has a lot less patience and doesn't quite understand waiting for a bigger reward. And that's ok. That is actually the point of this exercise.

Wil already has a list of the trains he is saving for next: Jack, Byron, Max and Monty. Sam really wanted to buy Wilson and Brewster today, so those are going on his list. (It was a fight explaining that he only had enough money to buy one. He's still learning.)

With their spoils: Alfie and Koko

At the store, I paid for the trains. I emptied their jars.... and put the money in their piggy banks. Yep, I'm still buying the toys, but they are learning the value of saving for something, learning to work for something they want, and that money is going into the college fund (their piggy banks get emptied and deposited in their savings accounts as needed).

The piggy banks

As they get older, we'll add complexity, such as saving the amount on the price tag (we'll pay sales tax), then saving enough to cover sales tax, and finally actually using the money they earned to pay for it. We're trying to keep the lessons suitable for their age and understanding.

How do you teach your kids the value of a quarter?

Federal budget is just like any other

2011-04-12T13:00:00.000-04:00

The federal budget involves income (taxes collected) and expenses. The US government is in debt, just like the vast majority of Americans. So while we are all trying to pay off credit cards and cover house and utility payments at the same time, the government is trying to pay off debt and keep itself running.

There are two things anyone on a budget can do when expenditures outstrip income: 1) cut expenses and 2) increase income. For a lot of us, #2 is pretty hard unless you go on a successful job search, so cutting expenses is the way to go. And that's what Congress has currently been trying to do, not because they can't increase income but because they choose not to. How can Congress increase income? By raising tax rates, reducing tax breaks, eliminating tax cuts, and generally making those who don't pay their fair share do so (see this enlightening video if you think big corporations pay too much).

So why are we cutting services to the most needy while not increasing taxes on the wealthy and corporations? The old investigators' axiom is to follow the money.

Want to better understand the budget? Here are some nice graphics to help. Perhaps the most disturbing to me is this one.

Celluloid dreams

2011-04-11T17:48:00.001-04:00

There are a lot of lists of 'must-see' movies out there, including the AFI 100 Years... 100 Movies, Academy Award Best Picture winners, the IMDb top 250, Yahoo! 100 Movies to See Before You Die, and TIME All-Time 100 Movies.

I've seen a lot of those movies (including 63 of the AFI list), but there are a lot of movies that don't necessarily make these lists that I'd like to recommend. So here goes:

Some of my all time favorite movies include The Philadelphia Story, 10 Things I Hate About You
(my favorite Shakespeare adaptation), Love Actually, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, Arsenic and Old Lace, Star Wars, The Princess Bride and An Affair to Remember. I could watch these over and over.

Movies I think everyone should watch are Guess Who's Coming to Dinner and Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. Really, the issues raised in these films are well-treated and still relevant.

My favorite Hitchcock film is To Catch a Thief, although there are so many good ones, that's a tough choice. Also noteworthy are Notorious, Rear Window, Dial M for Murder, North by Northwest, and The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956). I'm actually a big fan of Hitchcock's films.

And yes, there are a lot of old movies on my lists. You really can't go wrong seeing a movie with Cary Grant, Katharine Hepburn, Audrey Hepburn, James Stewart, Gene Kelly, Grace Kelly.

OK, I realized I forgot to add a movie to my list here: Mamma Mia!

Wavelengths

2011-04-11T15:16:00.000-04:00

Something amusing happens quite often in our household. I'll make something for dinner. Chris will come home.... and laugh because, whatever I made, he had the same thing for lunch. Pizza, tacos, sandwiches, pasta, burgers...

I figure there are two explanations:

He has a yummy lunch and sends out food vibes of how much he enjoyed whatever it was and I pick those up and make dinner.
We both are in the mood for a particular meal and he just takes the opportunity of being near so many restaurants and having to get lunch to eat it while I wait to make whatever it is until dinner time.

I like to think it's the latter - that we're so in tune with each other but miss on the timing.

Truth about telephones

2011-04-01T08:00:00.001-04:00

I admit: sometimes when the phone rings, I don't answer. We just got caller ID last week, so it doesn't always have to do with who is on the phone; I used to not know and still didn't always answer!

Here's the truth about telephones. They are there as a convenience.

There, I said it. Just because my phone rings and someone wants to talk to me doesn't mean I have to talk to them. Sometimes I'm busy. Sometimes I just don't feel like getting up.

And do you know what I've discovered? A lot of calls can wait. The easy ones are the telemarketers (we must be on every charity's list) because they just hang up and call another time. Most people leave a message. And I call back at my convenience, which is often just a few minutes later.

If it's really important, I get a call on my cell phone and/or an urgent message.... which I answer or return. How often does that happen? Maybe once a year?

Anyway, I've been hearing lately about how some people are upset when their calls aren't immediately answered. They take it as an insult or whatever. I'd say most times it has nothing to do with the caller.

So just relax, leave a message, and I'll call back soon. I promise. Right now I need to sing our special song* to my boys. And we can't be interrupted.

*What's our special song? "Can't Help Falling in Love", popularized by Elvis, from the movie "Blue Hawaii". When Wil was an infant, it was one of the few songs I knew all the words to so that's what I sang. And it always calmed him immediately. To this day, I can sing it to both boys when they are upset and it usually will calm them down by the end. When they want a song before bed, I have to sing it to each of them, with Sam holding my hand for the final verse (listen if you aren't familiar; it's very sweet.)

Idle musing

2011-03-31T14:29:00.000-04:00

To preface, as we were leaving the post office this afternoon, another blue Subaru went through the light at 10th & Pete Ellis and we ended up behind that car once the light changed and we turned onto 10th St. This is just an idle monologue I had in my head to pass the time as I drove.

We just passed ourselves. I wonder where we're going?

Oh look, we're going the same way.

Yep, we're taking Bypass. And so are we.

Oh, well, that's obviously not us. We aren't turning there.

And so we continued on our way as the doppelganger car turned into a driveway. It's not as entertaining written down as it was when we were following the other car.

I want to learn more about George VI

2011-03-30T08:56:00.000-04:00

"The King's Speech" is a movie that seems to polarize audiences. I loved it. Yes, I have a major crush on Colin Firth, but I loved the story too. The movie made me want to learn more about George VI.

A friend of mine recently complained that she hated the movie, pointing to the fact that the main character was born to privilege, with a 'silver spoon' in his mouth, so his problems didn't interest her. I think the story has much more depth than that; hopefully I can articulate all the reasons here (because the essay I composed in my head, before I gave up and got out of bed, was really good.)

Let's take on privilege. Yes, Bertie was born into a privileged situation. But that didn't help him any; it seems to have made his situation worse. The pressure and expectations of his position didn't give him room to find his own way, choosing a path that complimented his talents and minimized his limitations. The high expectations and family infighting added to his problem.

If you want to look down on privilege, look no further than his brother, the infamous Edward VIII. Now there is a shining example of what can be wrong with being born into privilege. His romance with Wallace Simpson was followed and lauded as one of the romances of the century, but they truly were spoiled. This was a couple that really did live off the people. They spent extravagantly, living in an ivory tower on the backs of everyone else.

Some of the reasons for his stammer are explored in the movie, and his father's constant ridicule is a major part. He strived for his father's love and approval, just like any child. That silver spoon certainly didn't give him a silver tongue. And it didn't make his parents good at parenting.

His struggle humanized him, showing that it doesn't matter what your station is. If someone in the public eye can overcome a stammer, so can anyone.

George VI is a fascinating person. I really didn't know much about him, but the bit I've learned since this movie came out makes him one of the most underrated historical figures I had never heard about. Think of what a different world we would live in if Edward VIII hadn't abdicated. He actually objected to England getting involved in WWII, protesting that Hitler should be left alone because he was the leader of Germany. Think about that. Probably the best thing he ever did was abdicate.

George VI also revolutionized the British royal family. He was a man who never wanted nor expected to be king. It was thrust upon him during a very turbulent time. He stepped up to the task and did what needed to be done. Before him, the royals were much more like Edward VIII. George VI instilled a sense of duty. The current royal family works, in their own fashion, because of him, dedicated to public service. Are they like you or I? Well, not exactly, but they are still people.

So I ask: is the movie and story invalid as a portrayal of a man's struggle just because he was a prince and king? He was still a man fighting an internal battle. He had to fight all his early training both that he was above and better than others and that he was inferior. Yep, that's quite a dichotomy. But it's true. His stammer seems to have been caused by his feelings of inferiority when compared against his 'perfect' older brother, pounded into him by his father's disparaging remarks. And he had to open himself up to working with a commoner to cure that stammer. That's a big deal.

If you can't be sympathetic to the inner battle of a prince 'deigning' to work with a commoner, consider a different yet similar battle. Think about a white person in the south in the 1950 working with an African American. Think about a Brahmin in India working with an Untouchable. Find the parable that works for you to make you understand that he was incredibly brave given his time and circumstances to do this.

And let's look at current affairs for a moment, because some of this story still resonates. Edward VIII abdicated because he couldn't be King of England and Head of the Church of England and marry a divorcee. Do you remember the controversy when Prince Charles and Princess Diana divorced? And then Charles married a divorcee? Yep, same issue. Can he be king? I don't know if that's ever truly been resolved, so I wouldn't be surprised if Prince William is actually the next king even though his father is technically still the Crown Prince (which is giving William time to grow up and have a bit of life a little further from the spotlight.)

Elizabeth II went from being just a princess to being Crown Princess in the blink of an eye.... and has been one of the longest reigning sovereigns. Those little princesses that Bertie tells stories to grew up to be the current queen and Princess Margaret. Remember the beloved Queen Mum who died just a few short years ago? Yep, she was King George VI's Queen Elizabeth. (Back to the movie, I think that is my favorite of Helena Bonham Carter's roles. And she clearly shows a woman in love with her husband. Heck, there is a conversation in the movie that she married him DESPITE his being a prince because she loved him. Talk about romantic.) This wasn't a story that took place in a vacuum.

I'm sure I could go on, but this has already gotten rather long. Suffice it to say that I can't wait to watch the movie again because Chris still hasn't seen it and you know it's on our Netflix queue!

Simple isn't always easy

2011-03-28T20:17:00.000-04:00

I've found myself talking about simple choices a lot lately. We all make choices in life, whether big or small, about how we will deal with situations. We can be proactive or reactive. We can bury our heads in the sand and pretend nothing is happening, letting events roll over us. We can take the high road or the low road. There are a lot of ways to dealing with the lemons life has a habit of dealing out.

So I found myself telling first one friend and than another in the last few weeks that they had chosen happiness; it wasn't easy, but it was as simple as that. And I think a lot of people forget that. Simple isn't easy. Easy isn't simple.

So, if you chose the happy ending, fighting the obstacles, no matter what they are, kudos to you. Practice makes it easier; remember that the easy path is often the one with the tough consequences and the tough path is the one with better ending.

For those ladies who are making those tough choices (and to the ones I don't know about), you are doing the right thing and don't let anyone tell you differently. You are amazing and strong. Tell your stories; you can help others by being truthful and honest. And I am always here if you need and ear or a shoulder.

Writers with Moxie and Determination

2011-03-23T20:35:00.000-04:00

My writing group is a great group of women. We had our second official meeting last night, where we commented and critiqued each other's work. This week, four of us submitted chapters.

I really appreciate the feedback I get. I submitted 3 (short) chapters and there were some good questions asked. Questions for me tell me if I am telling the story I think I am. If the questions are things I answer later, I'm doing my job right. If not, maybe I need to change something. But so far all the questions are the ones I hope readers have at this point.

The group also asked for more dialogue, more character development, which is something I know I need to work on. While this 2nd draft is much better than the first, it's going to take hard work to flesh things out the way they need to be. My writing style has usually been "sweet and to the point". Drawing things out is a challenge, but it's a good one. I really like my story and think it has been well-received. I think it has a future. If I can polish it the way it needs to be polished.

And of course I still need a title.....

There are eight in our group, although only six of us attend regularly (sometimes it's hard with kids and husbands who work crazy hours.) Not everyone has something to submit each month. But the really exciting thing is that we are all doing something different. We have so far one memoir (truly fascinating!), two very different sci-fi pieces, a romance novel, a humorous fantasy short story, and my fantasy novel and very short play.

I've enjoyed each and every piece and we all have different voices along with our different genres. I look forward to our meeting each month.

I am a feminist

2011-03-16T15:02:00.000-04:00

I guess that's pretty obvious to anyone who knows me. But it's time to think about what being a feminist means to me.

First, I want equal rights for women. Don't fool yourselves: we don't have equal rights. The ERA (Equal Rights Amendment) is still not part of the constitution; women still don't get paid the same for doing the exact same job; some companies still discriminate against women, especially married women, assuming that they are on the baby track.

I want women to have equal opportunities. I want women not to be judged by whether they are married or not, whether they have kids or not, whether they fit some arbitrary definition of beauty. Things like this should not be happening. If we're going to bring marital status into a political debate, then let's open the discussion up to those who are on their second, third, fourth spouse.

I want women to stop fighting amongst themselves when we make different choices. There is no one right choice. There's what's right for each of us. I want it to be ok for a woman, or a man for that matter, to take time off from work to raise children without being looked down on for not being 'modern' enough. I want it to be as ok for a woman as it is for a man to NOT stay home and to keep working.

I want women to have equal access to good health care. That doesn't always happen, especially with the current legislative assault (both nationally and in Indiana and other states) on Planned Parenthood and other providers of women's healthcare. And let's not forget most clinical trials and research for diseases, new medications and other treatments have typically used male subjects and just been extrapolated for women, often with disastrous results.

Equal rights for women doesn't take anything away from men other than maybe some privilege. And I don't see a problem with that. If someone gets extra privileges, it should be because they have earned them, not because of an accident of birth like being born male, white, or rich.

I want it not to be ok for women to be treated like property, not even in movies and tv. I want the culture of rape to not be implicitly accepted. I want my sons to grow up respecting women.

Walking for the homeless

2011-03-11T14:02:00.000-05:00

I've signed up to do the Homeward Bound 5K walk again this year. Chris and I did it last year for the first time and had a good time. We didn't raise much since we signed up a week before the walk, but it was good to do it.

This year, my moms' group is forming a team and walking together. If you would like to support the 10 local agencies who benefit from the walk, you can donate to our team page or my individual page.

The 10 agencies are Amethyst House, Centerstone, Community Kitchen of Monroe County, Hoosier Hills Food Bank, Martha's House, Middle Way House, Monroe County United Ministries, Mother Hubbard's Cupboard, Shalom Community Center, Stepping Stones, and Youth Services Bureau of Monroe County.

Why I blog

2011-03-09T16:57:00.000-05:00

There have been lots of helpful hints about having a successful blog. They all come down to picking the one thing you want to blog about and being consistent.

Here's the thing: I blog as a way to share what I'm thinking and feeling and experiencing. I'm not just one thing. I don't aim to have a 'successful' blog in that regard. I don't aim to make money. I hope people who read my blog (mostly friends and family) enjoy what I have to say, but I'm not going to go looking for tons of followers. I outgrew popularity contests in high school and really don't need to go back.

Do I write about being a mom? You bet. After all, I spend all day with my kids. They are a HUGE part of my life.

Do I write about politics and current events? When I have something to say.

I also write about my interests (knitting, movies, writing).

I've offered this space to a few people to guest blog if they have something they really want to share. I still hope some of them will do it.

But really, I blog because it's easier for me then keeping a journal. I do this for me. I really appreciate when people read what I've written and leave comments (as long as they are courteous, which they have been).

Knitting

2011-03-03T13:30:00.000-05:00

A few years ago, I started to teach myself to knit, using a book and occasional help from my mom. Other than scarves, I haven't done much since Wil was born, but I finally decided I needed to venture into something bigger. I don't have too many more people who need scarves, after all.

In December, I saw some really cool yarn that I just had to pick up. Then it was time to find a pattern to go with the yarn. Some searching online found a super easy baby blanket pattern that only required knit and purl stitches - nothing complicated, no cabling. And it calls for a thick wooly yarn. Perfect!

So, at Christmas I cast on my first stitches. I haven't worked too much on it. (Too many irons in the fire to dedicate a ton of time to it!) But I now have about six inches knit and I'm very happy with my progress.

When I started, I didn't have anyone in particular in mind to give it to, which is why the green was a perfect choice. But my moms group is planning on donating hand-made blankets to Project Linus. I think that's where this blanket will go when I finish. At this rate, it will take a while. Although I am getting faster. I knit 4 rows last night!

Kodo

2011-02-26T15:08:00.000-05:00

We went to see Kodo last night at the IU Auditorium.

This show was on our short list when we ordered our season tickets, but got cut because we had seen it before and the budget just didn't stretch that far. Then an ice storm ruined our plans to see Blue Man Group on February 1st. The Auditorium was generous and offered complimentary tickets to one of three shows (Kodo, The Chieftains, or the Joffrey Ballet) for those who weren't able to go to Blue Man Group due to the storm.

So, we did get to see Kodo's One Earth Tour (although we are bummed we missed Blue Man Group). And it was awesome!

First up was Sakaki, featuring a solo dancer. It must be all the time I've spent with Chris, but the light reflecting off the dancer's white costume lit the auditorium. The dance was based on an old Shinto ceremony, according to the program, and also served to cleanse the auditorium.

Stride was a very fun piece, featuring cymbals and many of the taiko drummers dancing while drumming. What a great way to begin, after the cleansing ceremony! This was followed by Chonlima, which featured four drummers along a line of drums.

In Miyake, which had three of the big drums with two drummers each, I noticed that one drummer was a 'southpaw'. Five of the six drummed with their left shoulder toward the drum, but the sixth had his right shoulder toward the drum. It was a very athletic performance and I could see some similarities to martial arts or even yoga movements (makes sense that they would be related.)

My favorite number of the first half was the final one, Monochrome, played primarily on small, high pitched drums. It was like a rain storm! The quiet tinkling of the seven small drums gradually increased from a tinkling 'drizzle' into a wild 'monsoon', with three bass drums providing a thunder-like presence. And the bass drummers? Great ab control.

After intermission, we were treated to five more performances.

Jang-Gwara was a cymbal piece, followed by Sora, a very upbeat song. For fans of the Marching Hundred, the four drummers playing the same bass drum was reminiscent of the drum line in Sing Sing Sing. A quiet interlude of Kumo no Namiji, with a singer, flute and drum, covered while the stage was set for the highlight. Before getting to that, I'd like to note that the singing was very similar to that of Native Americans.

And the highlight: O-daiko, on the biggest taiko drum. Two drummers, in loincloth-like outfits (covered the essential), played the big taiko. I was spellbound by the play of muscles on the performer we could see. Yes, he was mostly naked, but it was really a revelation to see how he played. And I'll admit he was in really good shape, which I certainly didn't mind.

The finale was Yatai-bayashi, and then we were treated to an encore rendition of Sora with the whole company. There were a total of thirteen performers, three of whom were women. And if after reading all this, which is sort of dry, but I wanted to remember, you would like to see highlights, Kodo has a little teaser of a promo available on YouTube. It has bits of several of the songs from this tour.

My 4 year old likes the dentist

2011-02-22T08:00:00.001-05:00

He wants to go back.

Wil had his first dentist appointment. I decided to schedule one because his preschool has been learning about 'community helpers', including dentists. I also was noticing some plaque on his teeth, so thought it might be worth a try to get his teeth cleaned. A search of our dental insurance network indicated no pediatric dentists, so I set up an appointment with the family dentist Chris and I see.

Over the weekend, I started telling him that he was going to see the dentist on Monday. I didn't want to start too early, but a couple of days of prep seems to be about right. I explained that the hygienist would clean his teeth kind of like I do, only she has special tools. I told him he would need to sit still while she worked, but then his teeth would be nice and clean. He seemed to accept the information; his only worry was that he didn't want a bandaid. I reassured him that the dentist doesn't give bandaids.

At the dentist, he settled into the chair with little protest (he didn't want to leave the waiting room toys). Once he realized he would be able to watch TV (tuned to the Disney channel!) he quietly sat. The chair tilted back, allowing a good view of the TV over the chair.

The hygienist, Karin, counted his teeth. She showed him her scraping tool and explained what she was going to do. As long as she didn't block his view, he let her scrape away at the plaque on his teeth. She let him feel the air puff out of the hose before using it to clear debris off his teeth. Next she showed him the toothbrush, letting him see how it spun, and asked what flavor of toothpaste he would like. I helped him pick grape (I think the number of choices was a little overwhelming and was interrupting his TV watching.) He really liked the hose for rinsing. She squirted a little water on his teeth, then let him spit into the hose. Yep, did that a couple of times. Finally, she flossed his teeth.

Sam sat quietly on a stool watching the TV most of the time, occasionally asking to see what was going on. He liked the little cup that filled with water.

After Karin was done, she let him play with the big teeth and toothbrush while he waited for the dentist to come check his smile out. He had a lot of fun playing with the toothbrush. The dentist came in; he lay back on the chair and opened wide. The dentist declared his teeth in great shape with nice spacing.

Sam climbed up on the chair and got a 'ride' into position, opening his mouth to show Karin his teeth, once Wil was done. Then it was time to pick a treasure from the treasure chest. Both boys picked tiny bone dinosaurs.

Wil really likes the clean feeling of his teeth. After a snack this afternoon, he told me his teeth were dirty and he needed to 'go all the way back' to the dentist for another cleaning. He's asked a couple of times to go back. He was disappointed when I told him he had to wait 6 months. I asked why and he wants to play with the big teeth and toothbrush. But, if he wants to go back, having had a positive experience, that's great! If he wants to get his teeth cleaned so he can play with the big teeth and toothbrush, I'm not going to argue.

I called the dentist's office to let them know he had a really good experience and wanted to come back. I figure they probably don't hear that too much.

Sad state of government affairs

2011-02-21T13:58:00.000-05:00

A lot has been happening politically lately. I have strong feelings about a few things and would like to try to get my thoughts in order.

First, the House recently voted to strip Planned Parenthood of federal funding. The sponsor of the bill doesn't like abortion. Fine. But Planned Parenthood is prevented from using their federal funding to pay for abortions anyway. The funding that has been cut covers a lot of preventive care including birth control that would prevent those unwanted pregnancies that end up being aborted. Um, aren't we trying to reduce the number of abortions? Because making affordable access to birth control more difficult actually does the opposite. Someone is harming a lot of people for a personal vendetta. Much of what federal funding to Planned Parenthood covers are mammograms and other screenings. We'll all end up paying more for expensive treatments for diseases that could have been caught earlier. Because, don't fool yourself, we all share the costs in the long run.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Republicans have also been trying to redefine 'rape'. They don't want women to be paid fairly (by blocking the Paycheck Fairness Act). All the blog posts about how the GOP hates women? There's something there.

And don't forget that the Equal Rights Amendment has still not passed. It sits 3 states shy of ratification before it becomes part of the Constitution. And without it, as Justice Scalia recently remarked, every right women presume to have, with the lone exception of being able to vote, is really just a privilege granted because no one has challenged any in court. With the current trend of legislation coming from the GOP, it's only a matter of time before they try to take away every right we think we have. We REALLY need the ERA to pass once and for all. (It is expected that it will be reintroduced in Congress in March. Contact your Senators and Representative and let them know you support it.)

Frankly, I don't understand how so many women support some of these Republican politicians. It certainly isn't in their best interest. I'm all for fiscal restraint. But those who tout themselves the loudest as wanting to cut the budget also seem to be those who do the opposite - either by wanting to cut taxes or by increasing spending on defense or a pet project. Republicans often claim to want small government, but they really don't, not when they want to make government more intrusive into personal lives. If you really want to cut government, stay out of people's bedrooms.

And don't get me started on all the folks on the 'religious right' who thump their Bibles, insisting we all follow their idea of morality because 'this is a Christian nation' (it's not, but that's another discussion). These same politicians and religious leaders often are the ones caught with their pants down, supporting mistresses, paying for prostitutes, denouncing gays while having gay love affairs.

I'm tired of the hypocrisy. I'm tired of the rich getting richer and protecting each other while making it increasingly harder for the rest of us to get anywhere. Part of the purpose of government is to protect the weakest, providing services so people, our fellow citizens, have food to eat and shelter over their heads. The tiny amount in the budget spent on some of these social service programs is a drop in the bucket compared to some of the programs Republicans refuse to trim, including defense. Yep, can't cut funding for a new plane that is not needed, but we can unfund a lot of programs that actually do some good.

I really could go on and on. This is by no means an endorsement for Democrats. I don't like much of what they do either. I just wish some of our elected representatives could grow up, get off the playground, and actually do something rather than just fight along party lines. But until the electorate decides they want smart people to represent them, that probably won't happen.

A Last Message

2011-02-18T08:37:00.000-05:00

This is a short piece of fiction using a character from a short play Chris and I wrote. I wrote this based on a prompt from The Red Dress Club. The prompt was to write, in 600 words or less, about a lost article of clothing found in the back of a drawer or closet, including what it is, how it was found and why it is important to you or your character.

A Last Message

Betty sighed as she opened the doors of the armoire. This was a task she had been dreading since her beloved Jim dies. She knew she could postpone it, leaving his things exactly the way they had been, trying to fool herself that he was still there, but she wasn't very good at lying to herself.

Piles formed on their bed - no, her bed now, Betty had to remind herself - as she sorted. A small pile of things to keep was dwarfed by the growing mound of clothing to donate. She moved methodically from shelf to shelf, then drawer to drawer. A trash bag slowly filled with unmentionables and things too worn to pass along. Finally she opened the bottom drawer. She pulled out a pile of socks, then swept her hand toward the back of the drawer, making sure it was empty. Her hand brushed something soft and silky. Pulling it out of the drawer, she found a pale blue scarf.

Her breath caught and tears welled in her eyes as she held the filmy piece of material, rubbing it between her fingers without realizing it. She lowered herself to the floor, her legs suddenly too unsteady to support her. As she quietly cried, she smiled in memory: she had worn this scarf tied around her pony tail the first day they met, back in 1956.

She hadn't thought about that scarf in years, hadn't even realized it was missing. Hadn't it been cleaned out of her own armoire ages ago? And her Jim had kept it, treasuring it. She had always considered herself the romantic one, but in his own quiet way Jim had outdone her.

After a time, Betty reached for a tissue to wipe her eyes. She clutched the scarf to her chest as she blew her nose. She sniffed one last time... and a sense of peace came over her.

"You always did know just what too say," she said to the empty room. "I miss you. But I'll be ok."

She carefully folded the blue scarf and set it on Jim's pillow.

To my Valentine

2011-02-14T16:39:00.000-05:00

Neither of us are huge Valentine celebrants. Small gestures each day say much more about our relationship than hearts and flowers once a year.

This year, we shared a heart shaped pizza from Mother Bears with the boys. At home. On Sunday (Chris has to teach tonight). It was a great low-key way to acknowledge the day. I mean, heart shaped pizza! Delivered to our door!

I don't need flowers (the cats would just eat them) or chocolates (my waistline doesn't need any help). I certainly don't need jewelry. Besides not wearing much, I'd rather not run up the credit card bill. Because nothing says "I love you" like going into debt we'll have to pay off for the rest of our lives together. (Hey, you take your romance where you can get it.)

That's not to say people shouldn't celebrate their romance. If you love Valentine's Day, go for it. But if you don't care, it's just another day. And this year, the first day to file federal taxes if you use certain forms. To me, that's a much better reason to celebrate.

Yep, I spent some time this afternoon filing our taxes. To me, that was worth celebrating. And we can celebrate ever more when our refund comes in. If anyone is looking for a free online filing site, try FreeFillableForms.

Ok, I will admit I made a Valentine that I tucked into Chris's laptop bag. I was helping the boys make Valentines; I really couldn't just ignore the crayons and construction paper, could I?

I think maybe Valentine's Day is more for kids than adults. It comes with too much pressure as you get older. The simple joy of a Valentine wears off as we get older. Somehow, the innocent no-strings-attached expression of love and caring gets put aside when we start to actually fall in love.

So here's a little poem for my Valentine.

I waited lots of years
to find my one true love.
You came along
quite by surprise
when I wasn't looking.
You've made my life
quite complete.
You are my best friend.
I can't imagine life
without you by my side.

Kickstart Chris's project!

2011-02-13T14:08:00.000-05:00

Chris's first film was entirely self-funded by us. It made a bit of a dent in our pocketbook, so for his next film (he is making 3 short films for his final degree project), we decided to take a stab at using Kickstarter.com to raise some of the money.

Filming for Project Z-6463 is set for mid-May, so he is trying to raise $900 by May 1st. More about the project can be found here, at his Kickstarter project page, which was just launched today.

How does Kickstarter work? you ask. Well, here are the basics.

Kickstarter is a website that helps raise funding for creative projects. The creator of the project decides how much money they think they need and a deadline to raise it by. If the goal is reached by the deadline, they receive the amount raised (which can be more than their goal). If the goal is not reached, no money changes hands.

How can you pledge to this or any other Kickstarter project?

First, you need a free Kickstarter account. you need an account because they need a way to keep track of who is pledging how much.
Payments are made through Amazon payments accounts, so you also need one of those (if you don't have one, they walk you through setting one up when you pledge).
They do a good job of explaining why and how in their FAQ.

Why should you pledge? Well, you really don't have to, but we would really appreciate not breaking the bank. If you do pledge, you will see that there are several rewards you can receive, depending on your commitment level, just like if you pledge to PBS or NPR. The very basic reward, for a low $10 pledge, is a copy of the completed movie on DVD (both 2D and 3D versions.) Think of this as a way to prepay for something you might like to see. If you always dreamed of having a movie credit, there are a limited number of opportunities to become an Executive Producer, with a $100 pledge. Take a look and see if any of the rewards are something you would be interested in. Once again, if you would like to find out more about his project (it's the zombie mime script for those who have been waiting since the Script Development Series readings), you can find it here.

While you are at Kickstarter, you may want to look around and see if there are any other projects you would like to back.

Some really cool renewable energy projects

2011-02-11T11:20:00.000-05:00

Just because I thought these were cool, I will share:

SolarWind bridge. Awesome use of space! And it's pretty. I like that this is useful and artistic.

And related, here are two links to solar roads. What a great use of roadways. DoE contract (2009) and Oregon solar highway (2008)

And if you've driven up I-65 to Chicago recently, you are sure to have seen the Fowler Ridge Wind Farm there. Here's a fact sheet about the installation.

And in the realm of home wind power, I love the Jellyfish wind turbine. Clarian seems to really be working on the affordable home market. With solar too.

I know there are many many examples of great projects. Feel free to share in the comments because I love reading about things like this.

Really, energy sources don't have to be all or nothing, one size fits all. National Geographic has had some great articles on an efficient, integrated grid for the whole country that would use renewable energy such that places that produce a lot of solar or wind power could share it with the rest of the country. (The interactive map is really neat.)

Some NG links:
Home energy
Solar power
More solar energy
21st Century grid

That's not art

2011-02-09T12:45:00.000-05:00

This morning expletive-laden flyers appeared in the Telecommunications (and possibly other) building on IU's campus. The fake-blood spattered documents have created a bit of local Twitter storm with discussions about art and free speech. The police were called because of the threatening nature of the 'manifesto', although the current thinking is that these are part of an art movement called Cinema of Transgression.

If you click through and read the manifesto posted at IU (strewn with a lot of profanity) and the original manifesto (not strewn with profanity), there are some similarities, but they are not the same. I can see the link between the two, but they are very, very different. And the circumstances surrounding each is different.

Besides the lack of profanity, the original Cinema of Transgression manifesto is relatively non-violent (other than one reference to blowing up film schools). It is well-written and eloquent. This new manifesto is nearly unreadable in places. In my opinion, a need to use so much profanity shows a lack of creativity. It is easy to swear; getting your point across without profanity is much harder. Spattering a page with fake blood (when it concludes with the statement that 'there will be blood') can be construed as threatening, especially in these times.

We live in a different world now than we did in 1985. I don't blame someone for getting the police involved. Too much scary stuff happens. There have been too many shootings at schools, including colleges and universities, for anything that comes across as threatening to be taken lightly. Virginia Tech (2007) comes immediately to mind, and Northern Illinois University (2008). There is an implied threat in the manifesto. I don't think I'm the only one to see it that way.

Some have posited that this is a free speech issue. And it may well be. But there are points where freedom of speech ends. Click through to that link for some really good info, but a few places where freedom of speech is limited include 'clear and present danger'; fighting words; slander and libel; obscenity; time, place and manner. I think it is more than possible to consider that this doesn't necessarily fall under free speech. Even if it does, it is not the best way to get the point across.

So is this 'manifesto' art? I don't find it particularly artistic. It's not even original. It's a rehashing of a piece from 25 years ago. Does anyone else see the irony of complaining that current movies and art are not creative, 'manufacturing the antithesis to all things forward', while at the same time ripping off something probably created before the perpetrator was born? Sorry, but that's not art. By the definition of art in the manifesto (not soft, not passive, not mute, not apathetic, hard, active, transgressive), this isn't art either. Yes, it got a reaction, but that doesn't make it art. People react just as strongly to a lot of things that are not art (especially when they feel slightly threatened.)

If you have a complaint about the quality of work coming out of the school, and you think it is worthless, then go find another school or find your own way. If the 'establishment' sickens you so much, why are you part of it? If you want to be original, go be original. And don't just post anonymous flyers insulting people. No, this isn't art; this is a a whiny diatribe. And who wants to listen to whiners? If you want to change things, then create what you consider real art. And don't support Hollywood movies with your money if they offend you so much. (They aren't all bad. And a lot of independent films are seeing the light of day. The bar to entry has been lowered by new technology.)

On a personal note, when I started seeing the tweets, I was a little scared. I wondered if some disturbed person with a grudge might be ready to go on a rampage to get their point across. I worried about Chris and all the other people I know who spend a great deal of time in the Telecom building. I called Chris to see if he was there, worried that if someone were really angry about current technology he might be at risk. He's on the cutting edge, specializing in 3D.

I don't ever want to get that phone call. Yes, images flashed through my mind, picturing the worst. A chill ran down my spine until Chris answered his phone and let me know he was not in danger. I obsessively checked Twitter for updates, feeling some reassurance that this appears to be an 'artistic' stunt. But there's that little piece of me that doesn't feel safe. There's a small bit of innocence that has been bruised. The fear is subsiding, but it will take time to completely go away.

Artistic endeavors

2011-02-08T13:03:00.000-05:00

Chris and I have both taken a turn into artistic ventures lately. He's working on filmmaking and I've been trying my hand at writing.

A few friends and I have started a writers group, meeting once a month to share and critique each other's work. Our first meeting in January was mostly to figure out how to make this work, so next week will be the first time we actually share feedback. I posted to the group my short play and the prologue and first chapter of my NaNoWriMo novel that I mostly wrote in November. My parents have actually read the full first draft of the novel and my short play has had one reading with critique, although I have expanded it since then.

It's harder than you might think to share something you created. I'm baring a little bit of my soul by letting other people read what I've written. Every word comes from within me. I let myself get into the characters as I write, which can lead to interesting emotional moments.

The first reading of the play was tough. It was well-received, but that first time, hearing what others had to think, hearing the actors read it..... well, I was a wreck. The play itself makes me cry while I'm writing it. Hearing it put me back in that emotional place. And then the critique came. I was happy that everyone understood what I was trying to do; I was thrilled that they wanted more. So, part of my revising on that is to expand it into a full one-act play.

No one had read any of my NaNo novel until my parents, who loved the story. Now more people will be reading it and I'm hoping they all enjoy it and understand the story I was telling. I think it's a good story. The key is going to be polishing the writing. That's what I hope the group can help me with.

His first short 3D film wrapped in September and he's still tweaking the editing. His second 3D film is currently in preproduction. He's hoping to do some casting later this month. We're also looking at trying to use Kickstarter.com to help fund it. While the budget it very low, not having to rely entirely on our checking account would be a great help. So if you ever wanted to be part of a movie, watch for your opportunity!

The second film is going to be a lot of fun to make. Each reading he has had while developing the script has produced laughter and delight. I think a lot of actors are looking forward to auditioning just to be a part of it.

He's also working on a short documentary. Yes, it will also be filmed in 3D. That is his thing, after all. These are for the final project for his masters degree in video production. You can find out more about what Chris is doing at his 3D/4K blog.

Losing community (or, what's wrong with Meetup's redesign)

2011-02-04T15:53:00.000-05:00

Meetup.com made some changes to their design recently. The vast majority of feedback I have seen has been negative - just about everyone hates it. I don't think the negative response is just because things change. I really think it is because the changes are bad.

First, the front page of each group is now a list of upcoming meetups in a HUGE font. Scrolling waaaay down, past the next five meetups, you can find recent activity (message board discussions, new members). The old format had a column with recent activity and a column featuring the next meetup and listing the next few and last few.

Why is the new format bad? In my opinion, firstly, it is ugly. Secondly, I find this method of displaying upcoming meetups unwieldy and not very useful. Thirdly, it is too easy to miss recent activity with it buried waaaay at the bottom of the page. Just to highlight, in the Hoosier Mamas, I am not planning to attend any of the next 5 meetups. Displaying all that information front and center is useless to me.

Let's talk about the calendar. I'm sure some of my web designing friends can comment intelligently on this and even cite reputable information, but here is my aggravation. Once I navigate away from the front page, to find the calendar of events, I click a link in the left-hand column. If I want to navigate to any other pages I frequent (message boards, photos), I click on links at the TOP of the page. Why? Why are the menus split? This is not user-friendly. I think it is poor design. Either put them all on the left or all on the top. (Thankfully they have reverted to displaying 2 months on the calendar view after complaints about a single month view.

RSVP's are not as useful as they used to be. We used to have the option of responding 'maybe', a very useful option when your group is full of moms with young children. The organizers used to have the ability to decide if a meetup could have only 'yes' or 'no' responses or if 'maybe' is viable. Now, Meetup has taken that flexibility away.

Also in RSVP's, once a meetup with a limited number of spaces is full, the only option appears to be the waitlist. If I don't plan to attend a full meetup, I have to put myself on the waitlist and then update to no. I no longer have the option of choosing either waitlist or no from the beginning. Why? Why would they take that away? I don't want to receive update emails about a meetup I'm not going to. I also like to see a clean calendar (yes, I'm a little OCD that way) so I hate seeing meetups I haven't responded to. I WANT to say no. Now I have to trick the system to do so.

A final part of the redesign I don't like and which has caused problems: automatically including a Google map of the location with each meetup. At first blush, that seems like a great idea. Until you realize that sometimes Google maps is wrong. I know of several addresses which don't display correctly on Google maps but do on Mapquest. Forcing what may be incorrect information right onto the front page is problematic. Better to make that an option.

It seems as if TPTB assume every group functions the same way and that just isn't the case. I'm sure the logic behind some of the changes is that this site is called Meetup and the meetups should be the prominent feature. But a large part of our group (and I would guess many groups) is the sense of community. We are losing that by forcing it to be all about the physical gatherings at the expense of discussions and welcoming new members to the fold.

Besides making for an ugly and less useful site, the redesign actually takes something vital away. They have broken something that didn't need fixing. And from the responses I've seen on the forums, they have no desire to listen to complaints, even though one of the top requests is to have the option for a group to use either the new or old format. Is Meetup becoming the next Facebook in regards to poor customer relations? Seems that way.

Is breastfeeding overrated?

2011-02-03T16:47:00.000-05:00

Today a friend shared an interview with the author of a new book about breastfeeding. The author, Joan B. Wolf, is an assistant professor at Texas A&M University.

I have not read the book, but the interview brings up some interesting points. I know a lot of breastfeeding advocates will be up in arms about this, but I think it is worth thinking about what she says.

Ms. Wolf states that studies linking breastfeeding to an amazing number of health benefits are misleading. I'm not going to try to rephrase her response (read the interview linked above). I have to say, she has a point about causal relationships. Without studying the data from the studies in question, if her assertion is true about the way research has been done, then questioning the results is valid. That is the point of science.

Breastfeeding is tough. Yes, it is natural. But that doesn't make it easy or instinctual. I've had experience with both a child who refused to nurse and one who was a natural.( For the record, my formula fed child weighs less and has fewer health problems than my breastfed child, who has asthma. So much for that bit of the benefits of breastfeeding.) Sometimes breastfeeding works beautifully and sometimes nothing will make it happen. And we mothers put guilt on ourselves and each other if we have problems.

We've been so brainwashed that we must breastfeed that we leave ourselves little choice if it doesn't work. It's very emotional to be a new mother. Not enough sleep, hormones running amok, sleep deprivation induced psychosis.... and then we have to be the sole food source for this tiny life.

It's rather like some of the phenomena noted in "The Feminine Mystique" by Betty Friedan. Mothers so need to be the 'perfect' mother, sacrificing everything for their child, that they can't admit there are other ways.

It's wonderful if someone can breastfeed, and enjoys it. But sometimes it doesn't work out, for whatever reason, and those mothers who can't or don't breastfeed are made to feel that they are bad mothers. They aren't. Formula these days is much better than it was when I was a child. Babies survive and thrive just fine on formula.

I just wish the guilt and judgement could end. We all do the best we can, choosing what is best for our families. Making women feel guilty is unproductive. We all want what is best for our children. Sometimes we can't give them the best so we give the best we can. And I think that's a big part of what this is about.

Maybe the best isn't what we have been told and maybe it is. But do we need untested claims? What purpose does it serve to make breast milk into the wonder food it is being described as? If the benefits of breastfeeding do turn out to be marginal, I think it would be healthier for society. My reasoning is this:

A lot of mothers will still choose to breastfeed because it is a free source of quality food for their babies. A lot of mothers will want to breastfeed because there is a trend toward natural products, etc (midwifery and cloth diapers are experiencing a resurgence). But those mothers who can't or don't want to breastfeed will feel less pressure and stress about their decisions and may have fewer mental health issues.

Kids' movies part 2

2011-02-02T16:29:00.000-05:00

After my last post, I thought I should talk about a kids' movie that I think does things very well. It is so much easier to portray violence (it's easy and uncomplicated). Relationships are tough. So I really want to give kudos to "Cars".

What does "Cars" do really well? It builds relationships and friendships between and amongst the characters. It is obvious that the cars in Radiator Springs are friends. And Lightning McQueen learns about friendship throughout the movie. Starting with Mater's persistent and matter-of-fact overtures of friendship, McQueen sees that relationships can be generous and kind, that friends help each other, that competition and winning aren't everything.

McQueen sees the contrast between Chick's mean behavior causing accidents and the King's sportsmanship. He goes from lonely, not having any friends to invite to the big race, to having his new friends volunteer to help him as his pit crew simply because he needs them.

What better message could a movie give? Relationships take work, but they don't have to be hard. And "Cars" really shows that.

Kids' movies

2011-01-31T22:17:00.000-05:00

We watch a lot of kids' movies around here. There are a few I won't let the boys watch, but they've seen quite a few. And with the weather this winter, we've been cooped up more than usual, so those DVDs and our Netflix streaming cue have been well-exercised.

Which has me thinking about the content of movies geared toward kids. Am I the only one who finds that they have an awful lot of violence? And some of the themes, like dead parents, seem to not be a problem. But have so much as a smooch and the rating might have to be PG! What is wrong with this picture?

Frankly, I would rather have my kids watch a movie with a little sex and nudity than some of the violence that is apparently considered ok for them. They've seen naked bodies; it's no big deal. But watching fights encourages them to act in ways I'd rather they didn't. So why does nearly every classic cartoon have violence, name calling or scary themes?

Don't believe me? Here's a little refresher.

A selection of Disney classics:

Snow White (the witch tries to kill the heroine); Pinocchio (the whale); Dumbo (Mrs. Jumbo gets locked away); Bambi (do I really need to go into this one?); Cinderella (one of the tamest with just the evil step-mother and step-sisters); Peter Pan (sword fighting with Captain Hook); Sleeping Beauty (one word: Maleficent); One Hundred and One Dalmatians (Cruella De Vil); The Jungle Book (Shere Khan); The Little Mermaid (the seas witch is pretty mean); Beauty and the Beast (wolves attack, the mob scene, Beast goes beastly); The Lion King (Scar plots the deaths of Mufasa and Simba, Mufasa is killed, Simba and Scar fight).

A selection from Pixar:

Toy Story (Syd); A Bug's Life (those grasshoppers are scary); Monsters, Inc. (the monsters try to scare kids - although I give bonus points to this movie for the ending); Finding Nemo (Nemo's mom dies, the sharks); The Incredibles (numerous fights); Cars (actually, just Chick causing accidents); Wall-E (fight with Auto at the end); Up (the fight with Muntz); Toy Story 3 (the dump).

A selection from DreamWorks:

Shrek, Shrek 2, Shrek the Third (the humor); Madagascar (Alex tries to eat his friends); Kung Fu Panda (more fighting); Monsters vs. Aliens (lots of fighting); How to Train Your Dragon (fight with the giant dragon); Megamind (it's about a villain - he does bad things).

Now, this isn't to say that we don't enjoy the movies. It's just something I've noticed.

(By the way, a tool I sometimes use to determine if a movie is suitable for the boys in kids-in-mind, which rates movies but also goes through scene by scene so you know why they chose their rating. It allows parents to make an informed judgement call about the suitability of a movie for their kids.)

Finding common ground

2011-01-29T17:29:00.000-05:00

The topic of abortion brings out a lot of passion on both sides of the issue, with neither bothering to listen or trying to understand the opposite stance. Recently, I was able to sit and talk to my mother-in-law and have a very reasoned discussion. The thing is, we agreed on an awful lot of stuff. I think if most people could put aside their differences, take emotion out of the discussion, and just talk, a lot could be done.

Out of that discussion, I wanted to share a few things. I don't want a flame war, but I welcome comments if people can be calm, polite, reasoned, and refrain from using 'the Bible says so' as their ENTIRE argument.

For the record, I am pro-choice. I would like to address that first because it seems that amongst the pro-life crowd, there is a misconception that pro-choice = pro-abortion. I think the majority of people who describe themselves as pro-choice would agree that they are NOT pro-abortion. I think most, based on conversations I've had, would agree that we all share the goal of reducing the number of abortions (for various reasons), but that we don't support a full ban on them.

Since I can only speak for myself, the reason I don't support a full ban is that abortions have existed since the beginning of time. Before they were legal, many women sought them and they were unsafe. Why was Roe v Wade fought in court? Because women had a need and didn't want to die. If abortion were banned once again, I firmly believe that abortions would still happen, but we'd be losing the women too, not just the fetuses.

Abortion is a symptom of a much larger disease. Banning abortion puts a bandaid on that disease rather than curing it. Here's the thing: at the dining table summit, both sides were able to agree that we really need to solve the underlying problems. Let's reduce the need for abortions. If women don't need them, they won't have them. Everyone wins.

So what do I think we need to focus on?

First, let's get good, comprehensive, factual sex ed. I think it has pretty much been proven in areas where abstinence only is taught that the teen pregnancy and STD rates increase. That doesn't work. Let's face facts. Some portion of teenagers will have sex. We cannot prevent that. Teenagers have been having sex since the beginning of time.

Think back to your high school days. Either you or someone you know was fooling around. I knew several girls in high school who a) had an abortion, b) had a baby they gave up for adoption, or c) had a baby they kept.

I had a really good sex ed teacher. He was the health teacher and was very matter of fact about everything. He kept a box outside his room that anyone could anonymously slip a question in and he would find the answer and present it to the class. This was a marvelous thing: he found out exactly what students didn't know and needed answers to AND found out what misconceptions were out there, all without embarrassing anyone. We all had a safe place to go for REAL information.

It's all well and good to tell kids not to have sex, but it is much more powerful to tell them the consequences and give them the tools they need to make an informed decision. Knowledge really is power. Why has there been a rise in things like 'lollipop' parties and STDs when teen pregnancy rates go down? Because kids are getting the message that traditional intercourse can lead to pregnancy. They aren't learning that STDs can pass through other methods, that oral sex is still sex, that there are other consequences.

And can we teach that consequences effect both genders? Girls are very aware that their lives will change if they get pregnant. Boys don't have that immediate issue. They need it. They need to know that they are responsible.

After good sex ed, I think we need to build up self-esteem, especially in girls. Everyone knows the cliche 'if you love me, you'd have sex with me.' What teenage girl knows the rejoinder to that is 'if you loved me, you wouldn't push me to do something I'm not ready for'? And how many have the confidence to say it? It's hard when you don't know who you are to take a stand. I see a lot of girls who define themselves by their boyfriends. Can we try to teach both boys and girls to love themselves first? The best way to do that is by example, but how many women (probably men too) can really look themselves in the mirror and like the person there? Can we try so we can teach our kids to like themselves? Maybe that would help.

Being supportive of our kids is huge. How many abortions happen because a parent has told a girl that if she ends up pregnant, she can forget coming home? So her choices, if she makes a mistake, are to a) leave home and probably live on the streets or b) have an abortion. How much could be changed by talking to our kids, letting them know that even if they disappoint us we will still love them? That they can come to us with anything and we will do what we can to help?

A lot of this is aimed at teenagers, but reaching people young is a way to make a big impact. More than half of abortions are for women 25 and under. These are women in high school and college. Most (64%) are performed on women who have never been married.

So what about the older women, the non-teenagers? What about better access to birth control? Plan B is a start. Better access to condoms, Planned Parenthood, clinics, would help. On the argument that birth control, especially Plan B, is immoral, would you rather prevent the pregnancy or deal with the consequences? To me, it's a no-brainer.

If we work to prevent the unwanted pregnancies which account for 93% of abortions, wouldn't that be better than trying to legislate a ban? Think of that. If 93% of the estimated 1.2 million abortions per year (2006) could be prevented by removing the need, wouldn't that be a better solution? That's over 1 million not needed. As opposed to over 1 million either being performed under less than ideal situations or babies coming into the world who are in need of adoption, abused, mistreated.... If someone really doesn't want a child or can not afford a child, should the theoretical child have to pay for that? If there is no child to begin with because there was no pregnancy, we don't have to worry about a potential abortion or a strain on social services.

I don't know all the answers, but it just seems that current legislative efforts (abstinence only sex ed, restrictions on abortions) are just bandaids. They aren't going to solve the problem, just sweep it under the rug. That's a waste of time and money in my book. I want the same goals; I just have different methods of reaching them. Why should a woman be punished for a lifetime for a mistake? Especially since so many men get away with no consequences.

These are all things my mother-in-law and I could agree on. We may have different stances in the political debate, but we're really saying the same thing, just in different ways. Let's get rid of the rhetoric.

Golden Rule

2011-01-25T15:53:00.000-05:00

A comment a friend made recently got me to thinking that so many of the people who shout their Christianity loudest, wrapping themselves in their beliefs, actually act in the least 'Christian' manner. They seem to think belief in Christ makes them better than others, regardless of their behavior.

On the other hand, many non-Christian, and even atheist, people display ethical behavior. They are kind, sharing, generous, all without expectation of a heavenly reward. Defining morality without religious dogma is secular humanism and I think it actually creates a better morality by putting the onus on the person rather than some outside force.

Whether or not you subscribe to a particular religion, thinking for yourself and not relying on faith allows you to be critical. Really examining why you believe something, why you act a certain way, can be truly enlightening.

For me, doing something because it is the right thing to do is a really good reason. Claiming to be a good Christian while not acting like one is hypocritical.

Frankly, a divine being isn't necessary to create good behavior. Acting in the best interest of society is both self-less and selfish. Think about it. Creating a functioning society along the lines of the Golden Rule benefits all.

So, here's the bottom line. Live by the Golden Rule. Doesn't matter if you are Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Jewish, whatever. All the major religions subscribe to it. Here are 18 tips to living by the Golden Rule every day.

Musings on a book

2011-01-24T16:31:00.000-05:00

I recently read Eat, Pray, Love for my moms' group book club. Although I won't make it to book club, I still wanted to read the book. I also took the opportunity to watch the movie.

I liked the book better, partly because the book was better able to go in depth. The movie wasn't bad, but the nature of movies is that they generally have to be concise. Some of the best thoughts in the book weren't in the movie, which was disappointing.

Here's the thing: I found Elizabeth Gilbert to be aggravating, narcissistic, and somewhat infantile. By that I mean that she didn't fully develop as a person until the journey of the story. That made it really hard to care about her and want to find out if she would evolve.

There are women who don't seem able to define themselves other than as an extension of a man. Starting in high school, they move from one boyfriend to another, never alone for more than a week or two. EG is one of these women, stunted in growth, molding themselves into the image of each man. How can you care about someone who isn't really a person but a reflection?

I applaud her for realizing she needed to change and find herself. Swearing off relationships and sex was exactly what she needed to learn who she was. The whole 4 months each in Italy, India and Bali? A little indulgent, but if she had the means, why not? Most people don't have that luxury. And one certainly doesn't need to go to such extremes.

One of the best lines in the movie is when Julie Roberts (as EG) is talking to Sofi who is concerned about the weight she has gained. She says something to the effect of has any man ever complained about her body? Probably not because he thinks he's won the lottery if he has a naked woman. This is so true!

There are a couple of ideas in the book that I really liked.

Ketut explains about having a special meditation that will take him up seven levels. He also has another that will take him down seven levels. EG's assumption is that the first will take him to heaven and the second to hell, but he explains that they both will take him to heaven, just different ways. Basically, we all end up in the same place, but we choose our path. Heaven and hell are of our own making.

She also has an interesting method of talking to 'god' (really just herself) by writing in a notebook. I like the simplicity. It's a wonderful way to tap into the better part of herself, learning that she has some answers - you know, god helps he (or she) who helps himself. And the story she tells in Italy about a man who prays before a statue of a saint to please, please, please let him win the lottery only to have the statue some to life one day and ask the man to please, please, please buy a ticket.... well, it's all about the same thing. Relying on some deity to solve our problems isn't going to do it. We need to help ourselves.

I'm sure there is much I'm forgetting. I wish I could make it to book club and talk about the book.

Driving in snow

2011-01-13T17:14:00.000-05:00

So I've been driving in snow for 20 years. I realized this recently while watching people who obviously haven't been driving in snow that long do dumb things.

Living in a college town, there are a lot of people from all over the country and the world who come here. Many have never seen snow before. Some come from places that shut down if it snows. Yes, some come from snowier places than Chicago, but it doesn't take many inexperienced drivers to cause problems.

First, ice is the great equalizer. It doesn't care what you are driving, whether or not you have 4WD or AWD, ABS, traction control.... If you hit ice, you will likely slide. Knowing what to do is the key. And trying to drive such that you have as much control as possible is a must.

So, a few rules for driving in snow.

First, turn on your headlights! Headlights serve TWO purposes: so you can see and also so you can be SEEN. Using your headlights means oncoming traffic can see you better. They also mean cars behind you can see your taillights, which are not on if you have daytime running lights, without you needing to brake. Being visible is important; it gives you and other drivers (don't forget those other drivers!) more time to react. If you don't believe me, pay attention next time it is raining or snowing to which cars you can easily see. It'll be the ones with headlights.

Second, don't drive like the streets are dry. They aren't. They will be slick. Being conscious of the conditions is crucial. Sometimes a little caution is necessary, sometimes a lot. How many times have you seen 4WD SUVs in ditches on the side of the road? As the car commercial (can't remember which brand) says, safety features are not a substitute for safe driving practices.

So what are some safe driving practices? Don't tailgate. Keep a larger following distance than you normally would. Leave plenty of time to brake and accelerate slowly. Take it easy. It's better to be late than dead. Pay attention to other traffic. Use your signals both to turn and to change lanes. You may know where you're going, but no one else does.

If you do skid, steer into the skid. Now, this never made sense to me until I figured out what it means. Steer in the direction you want the car to go, but do it gently. Once you regain traction, you don't want to overcorrect and end up skidding the other way!

If your car is light, you may want to put bags of sand or litter in the trunk over the rear tires to help keep traction. If you get stuck, you can always pour the sand or litter on the road under your wheels.

If you don't have experience on snow, find an empty parking lot and drive around. Do some donuts until you learn how to control a skid.

If you can, make sure you have good tires and fresh brakes. Balding tires with no traction are exactly what you don't want on a slick road.

Okay, I'll step off my soapbox now. But please be safe.